You say it's your BIRTHDAY!

Today is my best friend's birthday.  Today begins the last year of her 20's.  And for the next two months and three days, I will be younger than her.  And I'll make sure to remind her of this.  Often.  :-)

Terrie has been such a big part of my life for the last six years.  She helped me to come out of my shell in college.  She helped me to realize that there was much more to life than sitting in my room, playing on the computer or watching tv (not that those are terrible things...believe me.  I still spend way too much time doing both.).  She has truly become the sister that I never had.

She's been a shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh until I cry with.  She has been the person to tell me what I need to hear, whether I like what she's got to say or not.  She has been my confidant and my cheerleader.  She stood by my side, as I vowed to my husband.  She spent countless nights just sitting and watching tv with me.  She showed me that with determination, you can achieve your goals.  She is my best friend. 

I am so glad that she has come back home and I don't know what I would do if she ever left again.  I still don't see her as often as I would like, but once a year is just unacceptable. Terrie, if you decide to leave again, I will cut you.

Life has thrown her some curve balls, but she is a strong woman who I believe is capable of anything.  In four months, she will become a mother and I'm so excited for her.  Being that Hubby and I are both only children, Terrie's children are really the closest I feel I will ever come to having nieces/nephews.  I can't even express the happiness that I feel for her.  I am overwhelmed with feelings of excitement!  I am chomping at the bit to start planning her baby shower and I can't wait until the day that little man in born.  I will be at the hospital, in all my Auntie Jen-ness. 

Terrie - I just want you to know how very important you are to me.  I hope that your birthday is everything that you want it to be.  I hope your man spoils you rotten in whatever ways you like - candy, flowers, sex...You know, the whole shebang.  I hope that beautiful step daughter of yours realizes what a lucky little girl she is to have you in her life.  I hope you win a scratch off Lotto ticket for a million bucks.  I hope your little sea monkey comes out in a ninja outfit and a kippah.  I hope your life can be drama-free, if only for a day.  I hope 29 candles grace your cake for the rest of your birthdays.  And I hope you know that your best friend loves you more than words can ever EVER express.

Happy Halloween Peoples!!!

It is true - I'm a couple days early.  However, today is the more exciting day.  I dressed up at work in my last minute costume and am super excited to share it with you Lovelies....That is, if anyone is still reading...lol

Up until Wednesday night at about 11pm, I was planning on being a mime this year.  I had everything I needed, except for the shirt.  I figured it would be easier to MAKE a black & white striped tshirt than it would be to buy one, so I went to the fabric store in search of black & white striped jersey or cotton knit fabric.  And was rather dismayed when no such fabric was found.  I called a couple other stores and they didn't have anything like what I was looking for either.  I then found this fabric spray paint and thought this would be the perfect solution!  I had a long sleeved white tshirt and I taped stripes on said shirt, and painted it with the spray paint on Wednesday night.  And realized how tacky it was going to look.  I had two cans of the paint and they only covered one side of the shirt and it was really just not coming out the way I wanted.  I laid down that night and told Hubby how worried I was that the costume was going to be jinky, and he convinced me to scrap the mime idea and figure something else out.

So, yesterday, I went back and forth with a number of ideas, and finally decided on one.  See, for me, Halloween is all about the makeup.  What interesting, cool shit can I do to my face?  And once I decide on that, I plan the rest of the costume accordingly.  So, I found a YouTube tutorial (this is where I get a good number of my makeup ideas) for a Tim Burton-inspired look.  I decided that was the route that I'd be taking.  On my way home from work yesterday, I went to JoAnn Fabrics and bought a bunch of different black & white fabrics.  I started construction at 7 and was probably done by 11:30.  So....No more babbling!  Now I share pics!  :-) Oh, and don't mind the background...It's the only full length mirror I have at my disposal.

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!

Changes are in the making...

I've decided that it's time to give this blog a makeover.  I'm just sorta blah about the title & url.  So, I'm going to be changing it up.  

Changes will be coming soon!  Stay tuned!  :-D


In other news, one of my coworkers got married this weekend.  It was a very nice ceremony (full Catholic mass) at an historical church in Peoria, IL.  Aside from my own, this was the only ceremony I've ever been to.  I've been to lots of receptions, but it's usually hard enough to get my husband to go to a reception, let alone church.  So, he stayed in the hotel, and I went to the reception.  The weather was gorgeous.  The reception was very nice, though I wish I'd known ahead of time that the open bar only lasted for the first hour of the reception.  :-/  Hubby and I were very excited to get silly.  And then we were limited to wine & beer for the remainder of the evening.  Neither of which Hubby was willing to drink.  I tried to get buzzy on the wine, but all I got was a headache.  Nonetheless, it was a nice party and fun to hang out with my coworkers outside of work.  I really do enjoy the company of most of them.  And Hubby behaved himself, which was very nice.  :-)


Sunday, we left the hotel around nine and headed out to visit our parents.  I dropped him at his mom's house and then drove the ten minutes to my parents' house.  I watched a little tv with my mom and then had "linner" with my dad.  I sat down with him to watch the end of the Bears game and ended up catching a cat nap.  When I woke up, decided it was time to go round up Hubby, so we could make the two hour drive back home.  Unfortunately for me, he was doing some computer setup junk for his mom, which ended up taking much longer than planned.  We didn't leave there until almost 8pm.  Of the 4 hours that I was waiting for Hubby to finish up, I slept half of them.  I was just SO tired.  That cheap ass wine really did a number on me!  lol


So....I'm trying to decide on the new name for my blog...Here are some of the ideas I've come up with.  Anyone like one better than another??


Jeneric Ramblings

It's Time for a Change

So, I've decided that Making Sense of it All doesn't make all that much sense. I want something that's more...ME! I'm also not fond of my current url. Not sure if I can change that or not, but if I can, I will be.

So, I had a minor brainstorming session this afternoon and these are my top three choices...Anyone feel that one is a better fit than the rest? Please help me to decide!

Jenerally Speaking
Jeneric Ramblings
Jeneralizations

You get the 'Jen' idea, right? Just checking. :-)

For Good Measure...

A meme, to keep you all entertained. :-)

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Another one? What am I? Thirteen?

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$12

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
whore

4. Favorite planet?
This one?

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Melissa

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
The Old School Phone ring.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
The same one that I wore to work...White with black flowers and a black neckline.

8. Do you label yourself?
Sure...Nerdy, fat, materialistic, smart, caring, gossip...I could go on. But I won't.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
New Balance

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark

11. Did you do anything to celebrate John Lennon's 70th yesterday?
It was definitely not yesterday, but no, I did not.

12. What does your watch look like?
The battery has been dead for so long that I honestly don't remember anymore.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Snoring.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
It'll be $45. I'll get it tmrw.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Um...In Dundee, I think. Which is about 15 minutes from my house.

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
fuck

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
My Omi. ♥

18. Last furry thing you touched?
Woofie - my kitty cat

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Illegal - none. Legal - five (Don't worry, I'm not some weirdo junkie...I take dr. prescribed drugs for some medical issues. It's all good.)

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
I believe I still have a disposable camera from a friend's bachelorette party that was over three years ago.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
Twenty three. I was in college and having a blast.

22. Your worst enemy?
I dunno...I don't really think I have enemies...

23. What is your current desktop picture (extra points if you post it.)?
Some random Windows 7 background. They're pretty cool, so I haven't felt the need to get new ones. Although, now that you mention it...

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
'Stop harassing Bubba!' said to Woofie as he chased Bubba around the house.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
I want money, lots and lots of money! Seriously. Don't you people realize we're in a recession? Who would choose flying over money???

I got this meme from Sunday Stealing. Good times.

Lost in YouTube...

So, I'm relatively new to the whole YouTube phenomenon. I mean, I've known what it was and occasionally, I would go there if I was looking for something in particular. But I've been spending more time lately just clicking around. There's some really stupid shit. And some really bad stuff. And then there's some really good stuff.

Today, I somehow got the idea to look for karaoke songs. Which led to two hours of me singing one random song after another. Good times. I then started looking up some oldies, but goodies. Fabulous Thunderbirds, Tom Petty and then this gem. I absolutely adore this song. Easily one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time.



It literally brings me to tears everytime. Even if I listen to it two or three times in a row. The one real memory that I have of this song, a guy named Brian requested it at one of our high school dances for his girlfriend, Jenny. Not me and my ex Bryan, but I imagined that it was, as we danced together. That couple isn't together anymore, either. But just the sentiment behind the song does it to me. It's like a fairy tale. And it makes me wonder if there really are men out there that feel this strongly about the women that they love. *sigh*

In other news, the reason that I was able to sing along with my newfounnd karaoke songs in my kitchen tonight is that Hubby is working this week. And he worked last week, too. I'm super excited about that. And what excellent timing. One of my coworkers is getting married down in Peoria this weekend (about a three hour drive from our house), so we're getting a hotel room and getting sloshed. Should be good times getting drunky with some of my current and past coworkers. I found out today that the groom-to-be was kind enough to not seat me and O.B. at the same table. He'll be at the other table of current and former coworkers. I'm also going to get my HURR DID on Wednesday. I'm getting the same color that I've been getting for a while (a dark brown all over and super dark purplish lowlights). But I'm getting a "gloss" on top of that. Which is supposed to make it super duper shiny for a longer time. And she's got some coupon code that's gonna make the gloss free! Woot! Love FREE!

I'm very excited about getting out of the house with Hubby for the weekend. And I'm excited about getting to dress up. And spend some time with my coworkers outside of work. I wish JB was coming, but her little one will only be a month old on Friday, so she's decided to stay home. Probably a good call. :-) Anyway...That's all for now. Hubby will be home shortly and I really should be getting bed. I hope everyone is doing well!

Holler!!

Wow! The blogs that I enjoy reading so very much are sadly barren...Must be how you all have felt since I disappeared. ;-) I hope that you all are super busy and so full of wonderfulness in your lives, that you just haven't had the time to post. In contrast to my inability to come up with anything interesting to talk about!!!

I had a little blurb about Hubby still not working right here. I decided to remove it because it's just repetition and I really dislike being redundant. So, we'll just move on to other people, who have far more interesting things to talk about.

Hubby's cousin, who I took wedding photos for last September, and his wife are filing for divorce. Yes, you read that correctly. They were married on Sept 19th, 2009 and were already in the process of getting a divorce by Sept 19th, 2010. It's definitely a sad situation, but not totally surprising. They're a volatile couple and have been on again, off again for something like six years now. They rescheduled and called off their wedding at least two times. It was actually mildly surprising that they went through with the marriage. When they first started dating, I didn't like her much, but that was more due to the fact that she was pretty and seemed to have her shit together than anything else. Over the years, she and I got to know one another and she grew on me. It seemed that she wanted to have a friendship with me and was very nice to feel like I had someone to talk with at family get-togethers. But he has moved back in with his mom and next weekend, will be formally moving out - going to her house and packing up all his shit and moving it back to his mom's.

Hubby and I were talking about the whole situation this weekend. They're both from divorced families. Hubby & I are both from non-divorced families. He wondered if children who grew up in divorced homes are more likely to divorce than those who did not. I'm sure there's research that supports both ideas. I don't know all the details of why they've decided to split. Hubby said that she didn't want the divorce, that it's his cousin who's doing it. Apparently, she's very jealous and thinks that any girl he talks to, he's cheating with. She also has a bad habit of spending all of his money. He was laid off for a number of months and they racked up a bunch of debt. Once he started working again, and making a very good wage, she just went nuts and rather than paying off the debt, continued to spend, spend, spend.

Hubby told his cousin that if he needs a day or two away from his mom, he's welcome to crash at our house. I guess Cousin said 'I don't know how long I'm going to stay at my mom's, but yeah. I might take you up on that. Especially if you're still laid off, I could throw you some rent money.' Essentially suggesting that he stay with us a for a while. Hubby real quick put the kabash on that, but I would totally be down!!! If we could get some extra income, it would certainly help our financial situation. Plus, it might be nice to have another guy around to do the manwork. lol I hate having to take out the trash and bring the grill in & out of the garage. Plus, he's nice to look at. lol That would never happen, though. Hubby appreciates his privacy far too much to invite someone to live with us for an unknown amount of time. Even if it meant a couple hundred extra dollars a month....:-P

I'm having a hard time determining what I want to be for Halloween this year. I usually have a teammate at work in my dressing up, but since she's on maternity leave with her newborn, I'm probably going to be solo dressing up at work. Another coworker dressed up last year. But he's getting married two weeks before Halloween, and will only return from his honeymoon a couple days before the holiday. So, I'm kinda thinking of something a little less involved, but I love using Halloween as an excuse to do some dramatic makeup. Anyone have any ideas? Something cheap, but that would require some kind of fancy/interesting/cool makeup? I've done a cat, a dark fairy, Dorothy (from Wizard of Oz), and a witch in the years since I've been at my job. I was thinking of doing the fae again, but like I said earlier, I hate to repeat myself.

I think I'm going to get back to work now. I hope everyone is doing well. And I hope to see some new posts by all you lovelies, soon!! :-)

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, the world said goodbye to a wonderful man. On September 19, 2009, my Opa left this world. I believe in his passing, he found peace. I believe that his pain subsided and that he is watching over his loved ones every day.

I can't believe how quickly one year has gone by. So many days: some special, some ordinary; some happy, some sad; some easy, some difficult.

A year ago, I had never really experienced a loss like this. I didn't know how hard it would be. I didn't know how to cope when it happened. And I didn't know how long it would hurt. I didn't know if it would ever stop hurting or even just hurt less. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to think of him or talk about him and not break down into sobs.

One month is better than two

Hello Friends!

Yes, I've let another month slip by without updating my lil ol' blog. I spent some time spiffing it up today. You like that, don't you??? :-)

I promise to try to be a bit more positive today than I was last time I posted. For the most part, things haven't really changed.

Hubby is still not working. He has been laid off for over four months now. We got a major wake up call a couple weeks ago, when we got a letter from the bank, stating that our mortgage was about to go up by about 30%. Long story short, our escrow was short when they paid our taxes this year because our taxes went up an enormous amount, so we're making up for that, plus putting in extra so it doesn't happen again next year. Unfortunately for us, we don't have an extra 30% of our mortgage just laying around. We've cut costs about as much as we possibly can. The next step will be to shut off our phones, which I'm really hoping we don't have to do. My dad has been very generous and has offered to give us a monthly loan, as needed. Which is great, but for God's sake. I'm almost 30. I'd love to get to the point where I don't have to ask my dad for money all the time!

The good part of this realization, though, is that Hubby has started applying for jobs and has even gone on a couple interviews. His last one was this past Monday. The job seemed to be a good fit for him and he thought that it went very well. The HR guy that he interviewed with said that he would schedule an interview for Hubs to talk with the floor manager and that he'd be in touch. We still haven't heard anything, though. Hubby tried calling to talk to the HR guy on Wednesday, but he wasn't in. So, that's about where it all stands. No further communication. I think it's going to be time to start doing some more applications this weekend.

Still no baby. No real progress on that. Perhaps now is not the time to really be pushing that, since we can barely afford to support ourselves, let alone bring a baby into the situation.

Things have been crazy at work lately. My friend JB just had her baby this week. A beautiful little girl. So this means that everything that she and I usually do together, will be all my responsibility. I'm tempted to ask for a raise, but due to other circumstances, I'm very hesitant. About a week ago, one of our main programmers - the guy that knows everything and does everything and is the go-to guy for EVERYTHING - let us know that he has decided to take a position with another company. This will be an incredibly BIG hit to our team. Everyone has been trying to convince the poor guy that he should stay. They've gotten the big-bossman on board and have offered this employee everything that he said were reasons for wanting to leave, but he seems to have made his mind up. He's been with the company for 15 years and I think it's just gotten to be too much. While he is that go-to guy, with that comes a lot of work. He works harder and longer than anyone else in the office. He takes on more tasks and is constantly being pulled in 7 different directions. I can completely understand. I think there's probably a lot of pressure coming from his wife at home, as well. So, this programmer has one more week with us.

In all of the craziness of trying to convince him to stay, the team decided to let another programmer go. This guy is new to our team, been with us for only a few months. But he's been very slow to catch on and just hasn't seemed to really fit with the rest of the team. I think a large part of that is a language barrier. He's Chinese and on more than one occasion, I saw him translating things online from English to Chinese and vice versa. I don't think anyone else really knew that because after he'd left and they were starting to prep his laptop for someone else to use, they found that just about everything on the computer (all of the programs, etc) were in Chinese.

Finally, to make up for the new guy and the go-to guy leaving, they've brought back an ex-employee who left five years ago to be home with her two sons. Both of her boys are in school now, so it seems that it was the perfect opportunity for her to come back to work. It's nice that she has some knowledge of our software and that she isn't brand new, but five years is a lot of time to catch up on. There have been countless changes to the software that she will have to learn about. She's been back to the office a few times since I've been with the company and every time, she introduces herself to me as if we've never met. And then proceeds to ignore me while she chats it up with all her old pals. She started working on Thursday and after she shook my hand again, telling me her name, I was half expecting her to do it again on Friday. But no, she finally remembered me.

I don't really have any feelings either way about her. Over the years, as she ignored my presence, I was a little peeved that she couldn't just include me in conversation or ask about me. But whatever, she was there to see her old coworkers, and I was not one of them. So that's cool. She's kept to herself over the last few days. Just asking questions when need be. The thing that I am most unhappy about with her coming back is that the office boss (OB) decided to give up his desk so that she could be in a more central location in the room. Unfortunately for me, that means that OB has taken up residence beside me. I feel as though he's looking over my shoulder all the time. He is a major micro-manager and I was annoyed by him when he was on the other side of the room. Now, he is in my space. So, because I need to get all of my issues with him out of the way, here is a list of all of the reasons why OB irritates me:
1. He's loud. As in using his outdoor voice when he should be using his indoor voice.
2. He has a tendency to smell. When it gets warm in the office, he has a distinct odor of cat urine. Even though he doesn't have any cats.
3. He is messy. Not just clutter mess, but dirty mess. His keyboard and mouse look like they need to be disinfected. And the mess isn't just on his desk. It spreads. The credenza that is behind us, where I used to keep a blanket and my laptop bag, has been taken over. As he moved all his shit over on Wednesday afternoon, he jokingly said to me 'We're going to have to fight it out for credenza space.' Fight it out my ass! He picked up my things and moved them to a bookshelf on the other side of my desk, blocking the white board where we write pertinent information. Which he never looks at. Obviously. So, I picked my shit up and stuffed it inside the credenza with some of my other belongings. Hopefully, he doesn't feel the need to put shit inside there, too.
4. He is snarky. He gets this chip on his shoulder sometimes and I just want to throw a fucking stapler at him. I suppose I've got a much better chance of hitting him now.
5. He talks to himself. When he's not yelling across the room or into the phone, and he's actually trying to do some work, he mumbles to himself. Just loud enough to disrupt me.
6. He walks heavily...We're on the 8th floor, so when people walk around, the floor sorta wobbles a little. But when OB walks around, I swear the floor is going to cave in. And he's constantly meandering around. He can never seem to just sit still. Dude, either go over there and do whatever it is that you think you need to do or sit the fuck down. You are distracting me!
7. He butts into conversations on the regular. I can't wait for JB to come back and she and I will be having a chit chat and he's gotta put his two cents in. I feel like saying to him 'Hey! We're not talking to you. Butt the fuck out!' I also feel like I'm going to have to take personal calls out in the hallway now. Before, if Hubby would call to just say hey or something, I didn't have a problem taking the call at my desk. But I feel like if I talk on the phone with OB next to me, he's going to be listening.

I'm quite positive that there are other reasons that having OB as my neighbor is going to suck. But for now, this is what I've got.

Anyway, work is going to be very interesting as all of these changes play out.

All my fall shows are starting. As of right now, I have 45 shows that I'll be at the very least watching the first couple episodes of. Some of these 45 are at the end of the season, most are just about to begin. I just finished watching the first season of Persons Unknown. I was immediately sucked in! I think I downloaded the first episode on Tuesday or Wednesday and I've watched the whole season already. Granted, it was only 13 episodes, but I really enjoyed it. I definitely hope that they're planning on bringing it back for another season.

I think that's all I have for today.

A little more positive this time...

Last time I posted, things were a little cryptic and if nothing else, I came off depressed. For good reason...I was feeling depressed.

Things have hopefully started to turn around, though. So, I'm feeling a lot more positive. Which is really kind of odd because I really should be more worried.

Last week, we got a letter from the bank saying that our escrow account wasn't paid into enough for the last year and when they paid our taxes and insurance this summer, it resulted in a $2700 shortage. No, I'm not missing a decimal point. The shortage is a combination of an increase in our taxes this year, as well as stupidity on my part. When we refinanced the house last year, they sent us a check for about half of our now shortage, saying that we'd OVERPAID our escrow account with the old bank, so here's a chunk of money for you to do as you like. I should have realized that there is no such thing as overpaying your escrow account and just put that check into the new escrow account. But I did not. I cashed the check and paid bills with it. So, in order to make up for the current shortage, as well as build up the escrow for next summer's taxes, our mortgage payment is going to go up by about $400/month. I don't know about you, but I certainly don't have an extra $400 just laying around in my bank accounts every month.

I immediately went to Hubby and told him we have a situation with our finances and asked him if he had any suggestions as to how we could remedy this. We went to the bank and are trying to refi his carnote, which will be a huge help. And GET THIS! Hubby applied for a bunch of different jobs on Saturday. And........Wait for it.......HE HAS AN INTERVIEW THIS AFTERNOON!!!!!! This job sounds like it'd be something that he'd really enjoy. It's mechanical and pays fairly well.

Twice in the Same Month? Unheard Of!

So, I'm killing some time this morning. I read all of the blogs that I'm following and that I should update since the last sorta whoa is me post.

Things are fine. I'm just in a rut. I hate feeling like life is stagnant. And I attribute most of my feelings about this to Hubby being out of work. I feel like I'm making the majority of the sacrifices in this deal and it's not fair.

Just dropping in to say hello.

I've been absent for over two months. I know. I suck at blogging. I'm over it, I hope you can be, too. A few months ago, I got busted for spending too much time on the internet while I'm working, so I've been trying to keep it down to the bare minimum (which is really a challenge for this internet junkie...). And to be perfectly honest, I haven't had a whole lot of good, interesting things to talk about. The same bitching about the same things. And I'm sure anyone who reads this blog has their own issues to deal with and isn't really interested in my BS. So, in consideration for YOU, I have been staying away. I still read all the blogs I'm following and I do occasionally type up a blog, and then at the end, I read it back to myself and junk it. A. I don't want to bore you and B. Maybe the things that I'm thinking and feeling really don't need to be put out there for just anyone to read. It's gotten me in trouble before, and chances are, it will again. Let's just say that this girl (me), who tries to learn from all her mistakes, is seriously regretting certain decisions in her life. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. Hopefully, I'll return again before another two months have passed.

I just don't have much to say these days...

Life isn't so great right now, and I really just don't feel like putting it down in words. I think about it all the time. I've even typed up a couple posts, and then after re-reading them, decided not to post because, really, who wants to read about me complaining about the same old shit? I'm just having a tough time finding the positive in life right now. I feel a bit like I'm stuck in limbo.

Hubby is still not working. Today is the beginning Week 14. He has gone back a couple times, which ended up screwing us for the first two weeks in July. I was concerned that the unemployment wouldn't be enough to get us through, but two weeks without it has really pushed me to stretch our dollars as much as possible. And I feel as though I've cut back on a good amount of my usual expenses. I've had to turn down social invitations because I can't afford to participate. The only "extravagance" that I've continued to shell out dollars for is my hair because it makes me feel good about myself and I'm working hard and I deserve it, damnit.

He doesn't ever want to talk about the lack of work. He doesn't want to talk about looking for a new job because he has faith that he's going to go back full time. He complains that when I pester him about looking for a job, it makes him feel like less of a man. 'What kind of man sits around and doesn't work for 3.5 months?' My response? EFFING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! He doesn't want to hear that either. He says I just don't get it. And maybe I don't, but I agree with one of his regular statements. He's not being much of a man. In more ways than one. Okay, so you're laid off. You're on unemployment. I get it, you don't feel like you're providing financially. I can understand that. But how about some lovin? Oh, no! Your hindered manliness keeps you from getting it on now, too. That's just awesome. Sex twice since you've been laid off? And it's not like I haven't tried. I'm just turned down every time.

I find myself wondering WTF am I doing?

FML...Please...

So...I've gone absent for a while...Frankly, I haven't had anything good to say.

Hubby is still laid off. I'm still without child. Money sucks. Work is the same. Friends are getting pregnant left and right. I feel like I'm being so selfish and childish. My head says 'Be happy for her.

Pretty Sure I'm Losing My Mind...

I want to apologize up front for the bitching and moaning that are to come...I needed an outlet and what better way to vent than to update my otherwise quiet blog with irritated ranting. If you're not in the mood, please, move along. I won't be madatcha.

So, within a matter of days of my last uber-positive post, things sorta fell apart. The little red sister arrived, which was disappointing. I was a week late and was so excited that my body was tricking itself into all-day morning sickness. So there's that. And the same day that that little bitch arrived, Hubby was laid off from work. It's been over a month now and I'm starting to come unhinged.

The layoff was not due to anything he did. He was just next in line. He works for a company that prints and cuts labels - soup can labels, paint can labels, juice bottle labels. His job is to take the large, printed sheets and cut them down to specific sized labels. He belongs to a union and when he got this job, I believed that the union was going to be a great thing. Turns out that unions, and the politics associated with them, can really be a pain in the neck.

Another department at his company has been in negotiations with the company for months on their contract. For one reason or another, they just won't agree to the contracts that the company is offering to them. And each time a new offer is put together, it's a long process. As a way of proving to the company that everything they've stipulated is necessary, this department has slowed its production to a near standstill. They're putting out as little product as they can, which results in next to nothing for Hubby's department.

There have been other cutters laid off prior to Hubby, and we've just thanked our lucky stars that he wasn't included in the lay off, but this time, we weren't so lucky. He's been told that once production picks back up, he will get a call to come back to work. He trusts in that and has been collecting unemployment, and intends to continue to do so, until he gets that call. He has the highest seniority of all the folks on the callback list, so he's at the top of the list. His wife, however, is not so confident.

Who knows how long it's going to take to get this contract signed? It's already been months! Who's to say it won't take another 6 or 9 or 12 months before they can all come to an agreement??? He told me that he feels a "loyalty" to this company. That he doesn't want to go work for someone else because he likes the people that he works with, he gets along with the big boss, he makes good money and has good benefits... It's already been almost 5 weeks that he's been off work.

Here's the part where I really start bitching...:-P

He has no desire to even START LOOKING for a new job until he's been laid off for four months. That was the amount of time he told me that he'd be willing to wait. So, whether I like it or not, he's taking that summer vacation that I swore he wouldn't do this time around. And what does he do while he's not working? NOT A GD THING! He plays WoW from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. He pauses here and there to do things like: go to the kitchen and make a sandwich for lunch, go to the kitchen and unload the dishwasher - after I've called and had to ask him to do this, and stop in the kitchen to pick up the dinner that I made after I worked all day and then drove home for an hour. I think I'd have a less difficult time dealing with this layoff if he did something productive while he was home. Pick up around the house. Get started on one of the many projects you talk about doing. Make dinner. ANYTHING!

I was aggravated when I got home last night and nothing had been done. He couldn't even manage to certify with unemployment without my reminding him. Really?? Your brain is THAT taxed that you can't remember to do the one little 10 second thing that you have to do to earn your 2 weeks' pay? SERIOUSLY?!?!?!!?????

His game is down for maintenance today. He swore he was going to do some work around the house, since he couldn't play all day. I didn't want to shit on him, but honestly, I will believe that when I see it. I think he'll maybe do a load of laundry, which I'll have to fluff and fold when I get home. And perhaps he'll do a half assed job of emptying the dishwasher, since he "doesn't know where certain things go"... And then he'll probably create a new character on the game on a different server that ISN"T having maintenance today because that's what all the rest of his lame ass friends are doing today.

I can't stand it. Get off your ass, Buddy! Do some work! Look for a job! Do something to make your wife not bitch about you right now!!! That's all I can do right now. Every conversation I have is somehow centered around the fact that I don't have money to spend (because, sue me, that's what I enjoy doing...Whether it's on food or makeup or getting my hair done or *gasp* paying the effing bills) or my husband is a jackass and I'm fed up to my ears with it!!!

He hasn't left the house since Mother's Day. And the only reason he's breaking that record this weekend is because his mother would murder him if he didn't show up.

But what can I do? I can't force him to look for a job. I can't make him be more helpful at home. Sure, I could get angry and yell and tell him he sucks at life right now. But what will that accomplish? I'll tell you what would happen if I did that - he'd backtalk his way out of it, make me feel guilty for making him feel like "less of a man" and then he'd storm off to his cave and we'd continue on for the next 11 and a half weeks the same way we have been for the last 5. I wish to God that I could change him...

There's a country song, 'The Man I Want to Be,' that says everything I wish he would say and feel. I wish he could get to that point where he realizes that he acts like a selfish child 90% of the time. And I wish that he had the desire to change.

Okay...I think I got it out of my system. Until someone asks me how I'm doing. At which point, I will provide them with far more information than they ever wanted when they were simply being polite and hoping for a polite 'Fine, thanks,' in return.

It's all turning up roses...

I was chatting with a friend yesterday online, and she was asking how I'm doing...Asked about work and the house and the baby making and life in general. And I couldn't help but gush. Everything is really good right now. And as I'm prone to do, I keep waiting for the shit to hit the fan. But so far, so good.

I feel like my relationship with Hubby has really taken a huge step in the right direction. We're getting along well, we spend time together on the weekend, he's been acting right and overall, I'm just happy with the way things are going with us.

The house is great, and although it's never as clean as it could be, it's clean enough. :-) I planted some pretty flowers yesterday while Hubby mowed the lawn. I made an excellent dinner and I'm really proud that my cooking skills are constantly improving. I think for a while, I was more concerned with finding a new dish every time I cooked. But I'm starting to learn that it's not always about newer, but it's about perfecting the things that you like. It's always been a challenge to find meals that I could make that don't come frozen in a box that Hubby would enjoy. I've got about 5 different meals that I can make for him that I know will get good reviews. It's definitely time to start looking for a 6th to put into the mix.

Babymaking is going well. Hubby IS ON BOARD. We made a good, solid effort this month and I'm still waiting to find out if it worked. Aunt Flo was supposed to arrive on Friday, and there's no signs that she's on her way. But I'm hesitant to get excited. This isn't the first time I've been a few days late and I really just don't want to crush that hope quite yet. I haven't taken a test yet. I feel like jumping the gun will jinx it. I know how absolutely silly that is. I know that if I am pregnant, taking a test now as opposed to next weekend isn't going to change the outcome. But...I dunno... I've been saying prayers that are supposed to help concieve and praying to the patron saint of pregnany (St. Gerard) and just wishing & hoping real hard. :-)

In other news, I started making a new friend in the choir. Her name is Kimberly and she seems very nice. She's probably about my age and sits next to me in rehearsal & mass. Last week, at rehearsal, we got a chance to talk a bit and get to know one another. I hate that I'm shy when first meeting a person. Not that when prompted, I don't answer. Just that I can't get it together to strike up the conversation. If you start it, I promise, I'll chat your ear off. It'll be nice to make a new friend that actually lives nearby. My BFF is really my only friend that lives within 45 minutes of my house, so it'll be cool to have another person to hang out with, assuming it gets to that point.

Anyway, life is good. I hope that it stays this way. I hope that life continues to go in the positive direction that it has been. :-)

A little of this and a little of that

It wasn't a fluke!

We had another really nice weekend! I made French toast for breakfast on Saturday, we watched some tv together and did some yardwork together. Hubby came down to the kitchen and ate dinner with me. Sunday, after church, we grilled burgers & brats for lunch, relaxed together for the afternoon and then I went to dinner with some of my favorite girls.

I'm looking forward to the weekend again, not just because I won't be working, but because I'll be able to spend time with Hubby! What a complete 180!!! And he seems to be pretty content, as well. I feel like he's a different person. I don't know if it was that he heard my unhappiness and finally felt like it was time to do something about it. Or perhaps it's directly related to the lack of green. I don't know what exactly to attribute the change to, but I'm really encouraged. Two weeks in a row and things are still good. We're both putting forth an effort to make one another happy. And it's really nice!!!

Yesterday was Opa's 88th birthday. At the last minute, I decided to take off of work a couple hours early and visit the cemetary with Omi. She didn't want to stay for very long. I can understand that, but I would have liked to stay longer. Now I know where he is, though, so I can go see him on my own and stay longer if I choose. Omi and I are both very emotional people, so once one of us starts getting choked up, the other is sure to follow. Definitely, next time I'm down there, I'll go see him and have a little chat on my own.

I contacted JB's tattoo artist about the piece that I want to get. It's not going to be cheap. He said it'll probably take more than one session and each session is $250 (3-4 hours, depending on how much I can take) or $100/hour. So, it could be anywhere from $350-500. But he sounded really stoked about the idea. I told him that I'll have to book the appointment a couple months out, so that I can save up the money. I'm hoping by late June, I can do the first session. Hubby isn't totally thrilled about the idea - he'd like to see me spend the money elsewhere - but he has said that he isn't going to tell me I can't do it. He's probably right. It would be more responsible to spend the money on something more practical, like a storm door for our front door or make a larger dent in our credit card debt. But it's important to me to do this in memory of Opa. I don't want to wait forever for it, ya know? I've set aside $50, so I'm that much closer!

I have my first choir practice tomorrow! The director called me last week and invited me to come to rehearsal. I did go up and introduce myself to him this Sunday. He seems very nice. I can't wait to start singing in a choir again. I'm so super excited about it!!! Last week, I went to the youth ministry adult planning meeting. They do so many different activities and events for the teens in the parish. I'm really excited to get involved with them, as well.

I can't believe how quickly the summer starts filling up with plans! I'm planning a camping trip in June with some of my girlfriends, Hubby & I are going to take a vacation in July (He even suggested getting on a PLANE to go somewhere...This is HUGE!!!!), some of the girls & I are planning a "hookie" day in August, September is my 10 year high school reunion (holy crap!), October is a coworker's wedding and November is a sorority sister's wedding. Today is only April 14th! I can only imagine how many other things are going to fill up this summer. I'm SO excited!

Best. Weekend. Ever.

Okay, maybe not ever, but it really was a nice weekend. And I had every intention of telling everyone all about it yesterday and then stupid work got out of hand. I was actually required to focus on my job. :-P

Oh, but today is another story. I have the time to tell you all about my fantastic weekend today!

It started with Friday...I decided to take a half day on Friday. Initially, I thought we were going to have my mother-in-law over for Easter dinner this past weekend, and I wanted to make sure that I gave myself plenty of time for cleaning, shopping, cooking, etc. Then Hubby decided that he didn't want to do all that work (Pfft...Yeah, like he'd really be doing the work...), so we decided that we'd join the rest of the family at his aunt's house for the holiday. But I'd already requested the afternoon off, so I wasn't about to reneg on that.

So, I took the afternoon and did some shoe shopping!! I've really wanted to get some cute flats - something with a print, like a zebra or leopard print. Or some funky color. I'd bought some super cute ones from Kohl's the weekend before, but didn't try them on until I got home and found that they didn't fit. So, I returned those and then headed out to Shoe Carnival. I tried on probably 20 different shoes. They were all either too big or too small or not wide enough. I finally found a cute pair of silver flats. They weren't exactly what I'd had in mind, but they were close enough.

After shopping for like 3 hours (how the hell does the time go so quickly????), I finally headed home, made myself a tasty dinner and got ready to... Wait for it... GO OUT! My BFF has made some friends in her new town and she invited me to hang out with them on Friday night. We called another one of our girlfriends and she actually came out with us, too. I have to admit, I have a minor crush on one of BFF's buddies, so that's always fun. Last time I went out with all of them, I had a good time, but when you have to drive 30 minutes home, it's a bit restricting. So, I asked Hubby, if I could find a ride out to the bar, would he come pick me up. At first, there was some resistance, but he eventually said he would come get me. Even if it meant he had to go home for a while and then come back out to get me.

So BFF came out to get me and we hung out with all her people. It was a great time. Her friends are all very nice; a lot of fun! They convinced me, after quite a few shots, to sing at karaoke, which was alright. I get super nervous singing in front of people. I get all shaky and my voice sorta dies. But I think I did alright. Everyone said what a nice job I did, but I'm a firm believer that what people say and what they mean can be very different things. Hubby came to get me and, to my amazement, came in the bar and met everyone. I later found out that if I'd asked, he would have stayed and hung out for another hour until the bar closed. But I was ready to go. There was a minor amount of drama with BFF and her boyfriend, and I was kinda bored by that point. And I was really happy that Hubby was being so...social!!

We went home and had ourselves a nice, halfway drunken time. :-)

Saturday, we slept in and then spent most of the day (IN THE SAME ROOM!!!), watching tv together. I made tacos for dinner and a carrot cake for Sunday dinner. It was a very nice day, just spent relaxing together.

Sunday, I went to Easter mass. Boy, was it crowded!!! I'm so glad that I remembered about the twice a year Catholics! I got there early enough to find a seat close to the choir. Next week, I intend to go and talk to the choir director after mass and ask him about joining. I've been putting it off because of my stupid shyness, but this is really the reason that I chose this church. I was so impressed with the choir and really want to be a part of it, I need to just get the guts up to introduce myself and ask about joining! So, the plan is to talk with him this Sunday. Say a little prayer for me for some courage, would ya? :-)

After mass, I came home and woke up Hubby. We got ready and went off to his aunt's house for dinner. Both of her kids (our age) and their kids were there. As were my mother-in-law & her boyfriend and Hubby's other aunt & uncle. It was a very full house, but it was really nice. Highlights of the day:

• Four year old Maddie told me that I look like Hannah Montana with glasses. Thanks, Kid! Now if only I could fit into Hannah Montana's clothes!
• Aunt Laura & Maddie's conversation about how Aunt Laura lost one of her fingers:
• Aunt Laura - I was driving and there was a deer in the road.
• Maddie - And he bit it off???
• Watching Hubby take care of Maddie's 9 month old brother while their parents ran to the store for a while. Everyone kept telling how good he looked with a baby on his lap.

We got home around 8 and watched a movie together before I headed to bed. Nothing extraordinary happened this weekend, but it was so nice. Hubby decided on Friday that he wasn't going to buy a bag of green, that he's ready to be done with it, so I was really expecting a grumpy, mean asshole. But he completely surprised me. He was super sweet and we had a great weekend together. I definitely didn't think that he heard me the week before, when I complained that we never spent time together. That I was lonely and hated feeling like we were just coexisting in the same space. And then he shows me that he really DID hear me!!! What a nice surprise!!!

I hear you, loud and clear!!!

So...In this post, I was debating over whether to go with a cherry blossom tree or a magnolia for the tattoo that I was to get as a memorial for my dear Opa. I've been going back and forth on it since then and because I don't have the extra cash for such a tattoo, I'm just dreaming of it.

And then the answer hit me today like a punch in the gut.

I got a card from Omi in the mail this morning. It's a Happy Easter card; Love, Omi (seeing that signature without '& Opa' is heart wrenching, btw). Included in the card is $10 and a newspaper article. I went down to visit them last weekend after my bookclub meeting, and she asked me if I had intentions of planting any flowers this spring. I told her that I wanted to, but that last summer, I proved to be very bad about remembering to water my flowers. That was pretty much the end of that conversation. So, I open the newspaper article and here's what it was


As soon as I read the title, it was like all of the wind was knocked out of me. I was immediately (and still am) choked up. There was no note from her, as to why she sent me this article. I never mentioned the tattoo or the idea or have ever said anything to her about it. In fact, she'd probably ream me for thinking about getting another tattoo, if I said something ahead of time.

I just know that this is from Opa. I feel like he is telling me through Omi that I should go with the magnolia.

Just yesterday, I was having a bit of a down day. I had a moment of doubt, thinking, what if this life is really ALL there is. What if he's just gone? And then I get this obvious sign that he's still with me. That he's paying attention. Thanks for that, Opa. I really did need it.

His birthday is coming up in a couple weeks. He would have been 88 on April 12th. I really wish that I could do this on/around his birthday. My friend at work and her husband have recently had some tats done and I really think he does good work. I think I might send the guy an email and give him an idea of what I want to do and see if he can give me an idea of what it'll cost. I was going to ask another friend's husband to draw it up, since he's a really good artist, but I have another, smaller piece that I want to do later that I think he'd be good with. I think this one would be better left to a tattoo artist. Maybe this piece could cost less than I'm expecting (wishful thinking, I suppose) and I could get it done for Opa's birthday.

He hears me...

But I don't know if he understands me.

Each weekend seems to be a different "discussion." Last weekend, it was the baby discussion. I really tried to stress to him how important this is to me. That the whole baby making process is not going to be easy for us. We're both overweight and quickly heading to our 30's. Now is the time.

Hubby talks a lot about "CJ." CJ is what we will name our first son. Hubby talks about him on a regular, probably daily, basis. Things that we will and won't do with/for/to him. But there's this huge issue...In order for CJ to come to fruition, we have to have sex. And recently, Hubby has decided that sex is too much like "work" to be bothered. He basically said he can get the same end result in 5 minutes time, without having to get all sweaty and tired. Dude, really? Way to make your wife feel good about herself. I tried to talk about the whole thing with him. He says he agrees, now is the time. But I don't see him making any efforts to change things.

So, this weekend, the "discussion" was about spending time together. I feel like I have a roommate, not a husband. He sits upstairs, playing video games and doing whatever he's doing all weekend. I go downstairs and watch tv and cook and clean and go out for this reason or that reason. When he's hungry, he comes down to the kitchen, finds some food and takes it all back up to the office with him. Now that he's working 2nd shift, he stays up later than I do and sleeps later than I do.

Yesterday, I told him that I would like for us to spend some quality time together. I tried explaining to him that just because we're in the house together at the same time, that doesn't make it time spent together. I tried to tell him that sleeping next to one another doesn't count. I told him that I don't like feeling like we just exist in the same place. I told him I'm not happy about it. That I feel like at the very least, he should be able to pull himself away from the game and eat a meal with me. I cook the dinner and he comes and gets a plate and then takes it back upstairs. I'm left to clean everything up and eat alone. It just sucks. I feel like it shouldn't be this way. His response is that this is how his parents were. He tries to tell me that my parents & grandparents didn't have "quality" time together, either. That they all did their own thing. Yes, you do your own things, but then at some point, you get together and enjoy one another's company. I mean, otherwise, what the hell is the point? He doesn't see a problem with it. He thinks that this is perfectly normal and okay and I'm supposed to "outgrow" this need for anything more than cohabitation.

He thinks the problem is that I need him to give more attention. And he's right. But he doesn't give it to me in the way that I want and need. He thinks wrestling with me for ten minutes before going to sleep counts as paying attention to me. He thinks waking me up when he gets home (an hour or two after I've already gone to sleep) and talking at me about his day for a half hour is enough.

He wasn't always this way...We used to do things. We used to go places together. See a movie, go out for dinner, go camping, drive around, watch tv, play games. Now, it's like we have nothing in common anymore. I try to suggest things that we could do together, and he shoots each one of them down.

I just keep asking myself, What are we doing? What are we waiting for? What am I waiting for?

WooHoo!!!

I updated my photo blog, FotoJenic, today! The last update I did was way back in August...I was feeling like being a bit productive today, I guess! Go check it out! Tell me what you think! :-D

Well, I'll be darned!

I should do this every Saturday morning...Plop myself down in front of the computer and catch up on the blogs that I really enjoy reading. Share a little bit of what's going on with me. Enjoy the quiet of the morning. It's not really early, but Hubby's still sleeping and the cats aren't fighting and the tv isn't on yet. It's just me and the clickity click of my keyboard. It's a nice feeling...

Anyway, in my catching up on some blogs, I found out that I've been given an award! Yay me! :-)

Thank you, Dark Cloud Nine for the award. I appreciate the recognition and the sentiment behind it!

As an awardee, I am to share 15 other blogs that I feel deserve the award. Fifteen might be a challenge...I recently cleaned out my blog list. There were a lot of blogs that I had on my list that I just didn't feel interested in. Have you heard of taking "friendventory"? I guess you can say, I took "blogventory." I'll get as close to 15 as I can, how's that? :-) Some don't update as often as they should (sorta like me, I guess)...But they're still definitely worth reading.

Ashley's Closet
It Happens
Love Letters By Cora
Sticks and Stones
The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know
When I Grow Up
Everyday Adventures
I Should Be Folding Laundry
488 Miles Away
Primary Source

Two Nights in a Row?

Sometimes I like to share my dreams with you...Once upon a time, Melissa and I were going to dream interpretations as a science fair project. We were convinced by our teacher that it wasn't the best idea, so we never did it, but I've always been fascinated by dreams and what they mean, if anything.

Occasionally, I'll have a dream of a hunky guy wanting to love me. Or of a bad guy trying to break into my home. The other night, I dreamt I was on a school bus, on a super busy road and there was an accident up ahead. The driver didn't react quickly enough, and he lost control of the bus. He warned us to brace ourselves and in the dream, I immediately started saying the 'Our Father.' I said it loudly to drown out the sounds of panic around me and as I was saying the prayer, it was almost like I was in some Heavenly state...I think I thought that I was dying in the dream. Anyway, I woke up in a panic. It seems that whenever I have a "bad dream," I startle myself awake. And then I'm immediately freaked out that it was something in real life that startled me. My immeditae fear is that someone's in the house. So, I lay there silently, not moving. Waiting to see if I hear something again. If the cats are nearby, I'll look to them to gauge myself. If they're not freaked out, I can generally assume that things are okay.

Anyway, after having the bus dream, I went back to sleep and had another dream that started out quite pleasant. I was at a mall or something, and I'm hanging out with Sawyer from Lost.

Let me just go on a bit of a tangent here... he is the most gorgeous man alive...Those dimples and the body and the voice...holy hell...He is my picture of excellence. Rough and tough on the outside, southern accent, comedic value. And then on the inside, total heart of gold. He's a little damaged, but who the hell cares? I want to love him. And I'm so super sad that after this season of Lost, my dear beautiful Sawyer will cease to exist. Josh Holloway, you better find an equally wonderful, regular role on a show where I can adore you some more. /tangent

So, me and Sawyer, we're chillin at the book store or something. And he turns to me and looks into my eyes and asks me if I'll go out for ice cream with him. Um, hello? You're Sawyer! Of course, I will. We set up a date and I go home to deal with everyday life with Hubby. And then some "friend" of mine calls me from the bookstore - she's there with Sawyer now - and she tells me that I shouldn't go on this date. How could I cheat on my husband? This isn't right. She's begging me not to go. In response, I tell her to go pound sand. This is the man of my dreams. I am NOT turning him down, no matter what!! Then, while she still has me on the phone, she turns to Sawyer and says 'I'll pay you $xx not to do this.' I'm furious with her! And while this is all going on over the phone, as I put a dish in the sink, I notice something leaking from the ceiling. I look up, just in time to watch like a bucket full of liquid bust through the ceiling into the kitchen. I'm no longer on the phone, and now I'm shouting up to Hubby to bring his ass downstairs and, as usual, he tells me 'I'm playing the game right now. I can't come down there at this minute.' And then I wake up.

So...Basically, Mr. Hotness wants me. There's some guilt about screwing around on Hubby. And then the house gets damaged.

I had another dream tonight that followed a very similar pattern, but wasn't quite the same.

Sawyer was at my house this time. Doing things to me & with me that I will not go into detail about. A girl has to keep some things to herself. ;-) Anyway, we have ourselves a nice time and then his personality transforms...He's no longer the southern charmer that I've grown to love, but he becomes Hubby in Sawyer's body. Essentially, he becomes a bit of an asshole. I roll my eyes and go into the bathroom to pee, and find that a hole has been punched through the bathroom wall and another hole in the bathroom floor. I ask him what happened and he gives me some bullshit excuse, like he can't be bothered with it.

What the hell does this mean???

I dunno, I'll take the damages to my house if I can get some serious loving from Sawyer. Sometimes, you have to compromise, ya know? :-)

Four Year Itch...

I want to get a tattoo...Badly. I have a couple already, which I'd say are relatively small in comparison to what I want to do now.

I got my first one a few months before turning 21. The place where I had it done was owned by a friend of Hubby's mom's boyfriend, so I guess they gave me a break, not being "of age" and all. Hubby was getting a new piercing at the time and as I waited, I looked at the pictures on the wall, thinking it would be cool to have a caricature of my black cat Bubba. The tat guy said that he could do it, I should just bring in a picture. Hubby talked me out of bringing in the pic and told me that I should just have them do one of the ones in the book. So that's what I did. I have a grey kitty, batting a ball of yarn on my left shoulder. It is cute. And I was very happy with the work that was done. But now, 8 years later, I wish that I would've had the caricature done afterall. It would've been more meaningful.

The second tat that I had done was almost four years ago and has a lot more significance. I was finished with all of my college classes, and graduation was a week away. I decided that I wanted to do something to remember my good times in the sorority. So, I got CheerBear (the pink carebear with a rainbow on her tummy - CheerBear was the nickname that I was given when I became a sister) and she's painting my sorority letters on my right calf. I came with this idea, rather than just picking something that was up on the wall. It has a lot more meaning to me than the first one.

So, for the new one!!! Shortly after Opa passed away, I thought that I wanted to get a tat in memory of him. At first, I had the idea of having a black & grey portrait of him done. I have an old photo of him as a young man and I thought it might be a nice tribute. So I began looking online for artists in the area that specifically do portraits. For something like that, I think it's incredibly important to find someone that is REALLY good at this. I would hate to have such an important tattoo done poorly. To look at a permanent piece of art that doesn't look exactly like my Opa...That would be horrible. So, I started to let the idea go and knew that I would come up with something sooner or later.

At Christmas, Omi & I had a moment of sadness, remembering Opa's love for cardinals, his friend Jose. One day, it just hit me. I should get a cardinal! But I wasn't sure how I wanted to have it done. Initially, I thought I'd do a cartoon-y version of the red bird. My standard "cute" choice. But as I thought about it more, I decided I wanted it to be more realistic. It's a memorial, not just some cute little birdy. I want beautiful, not cute. So, I began looking for images of cardinals, photos that I could draw some inspiration from. And then I just happened across a photo of a tat on a girl that was a bird in a tree branch. It was just incredible. Sooo...Here's a small compilation of my inspiration...

This is the photo that just completely grabbed me. I don't want it in the same place on my body, but only because my body looks nothing like that. :-) And the bird will be a cardinal. And I haven't yet decided on the type of tree...I'm thinking either a cherry tree or a magnolia.

This is the placement and about the size that I'd like the whole tat. It would be a branch, not the whole tree, so that I could accomodate the placement of the bird.

The rest are various images that I like and could be helpful...I really like this specific cardinal. Sometimes, they can look mean. But I don't get that from this guy. He just looks like a nice guy trying to stay warm.

A literal photo of what I'd like, complete with cherry blossoms:

Magnolia blossoms:

I'm having a difficult time deciding which type of flower/tree I'd like. I thought maybe if looked up the symbolism associated with each, that might make it easier for me...

Cherry Blossoms: In Japan, cherry blossoms symbolize the transience of life because of their short blooming times.

Magnolias: associated with nobility, perseverance and love of nature.

I think both flowers have appropriate sentiments behind them...Thoughts? Any artists out there want to take a stab at drawing this for me? I'd definitely pay for your work.

Hello, Friends!

Well, it seems that things at work have slowed down for a moment. I'm sure I could be testing something or investigating some bug or something productive like that, but I'm just not feeling it today. As much as I complain when it's busy, the time sure does go by much more quickly than it does when there's nothing to do. I've been watching the clock all day. One more hour to go. I keep asking myself what could I do to pass the time. Decided a post to catch everyone up on me would be a good start. :-)

I finally decided on a church. I've been going to St. Catherine's since the end of January. A couple weeks ago, I decided that while it's not aesthetically what I had in mind, they have a fantastic choir and I find myself becoming comfortable there. So, I called and registered as a parishioner. The woman that I spoke with tried to convince me that I should go to one of the churches that are closer to me, but I told her that I'd been to mass at both and prefer St. Catherine's. You'd think they'd be glad to get the additional income, however small it may be, right? I dunno. Apparently, you're supposed to stay with your most local parish. I said no and she went ahead an took my info. Al most two weeks later, I received a welcome letter (which also mentioned that I live too far away and should I try to register my hypothetical children to go to school there, the children that live closer would get preference. Good thing there are no school age children in my house, huh?), along with my tithing envelopes and a book that has a number of prayers and Catholic traditions explained in it. I went to mass Saturday afternoon and, of course, forgot my envelope. Oh well, next week, they'll know that I'm making my contribution.

A couple weeks ago, I got a pretty nasty cold from the girl that waxed my eyebrows. It's been fun. Started with congestion and a sore throat. Progressed into PINK EYE...In BOTH eyes... That has gone away, and now I'm back to being stuffy and the cough has begun its course. It's really been a joy. And my husband swears that he's a doctor without the education (or the paycheck). He always has suggestions of what's going to make me feel better. Tells me not to take this or to take that. He always has the answers, ya know? :-P I just nod and roll my eyes after he goes away.

Speaking of Hubby, he's permanantly back on 3rd shift. Two weeks ago, his boss asked him to work 3rd for a week and a half. Today, he was supposed to go back to 1st. Then Hubby comes home from work last Thursday and tells me that he's on 3rd for good. I'm so bummed! I really liked having him on 1st shift. Not that we spent a lot of time together, but it was nice to not be alone at night. And we'd eat dinner together a few times a week. And I'd get to go to bed good and early, since he had to get up at 4:30, he was in bed by 8:30 every night. It's not just the weeknights, either. The weekends are funky because he doesn't like to get his schedule out of whack. So he stays up most of the night and then naps during the day all weekend. Stinks! However, I'm not complaining because at least he still has a job!

The future of my job is still up in the air. The deal is now supposed to be done at the end of April. It keeps on getting extended. Which is just fine with me. The longer it drags out, the longer things stay the same. Perhaps that's a bad attitude to have, but I just feel like I have more security this way. I have updated my resume, but I haven't sent it to anyone or applied anywhere, yet. I am just terrified of the whole interviewing process. Ack.

I have an appointment to finally have my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday. It was supposed to happen Tuesday of last week, but I had the stink eye and they made it very clear that I was not to come in if I had a cough or cold of any kind. I'm hoping that everything's broken up and I'm doing better by Thursday afternoon. If not, I'll have to reschedule again. Yes, I'm super scared about it. But I just want to get it over and done with. Have a few days of drug-induced stupor, eating mashed potatoes, pudding & sorbet...And then get on with my life. Rather than having this scary-ass "surgery" looming in the future. I have put it off long enough. I had a week or two there where I was in a lot of pain. Something must have gotten knocked aloose and the broken tooth was really being a bitch. That pain has since gone away, so that's good. But I can't delay the inevitable much longer. Besides, I won't have dental anymore after this deal goes through at work, so the sooner, the better.

Valentine's Day weekend was my sorority formal. A handful of my girlfriends and I decided to leave our men at home. It was nice to not have to keep my husband entertained for the night, but it was also a bit of a bummer because I had to drive BFF & me back home. She didn't drink and would've been fine to drive us home, but when there aren't any men to drive us home, the women all have to be responsible. It's no fun to get drunk when no one else is, ya know? But it was nice to have dinner and dance with the girls. I was super excited about my dress up until I got there and saw what everyone else had worn. My dress was pretty simple - bright turquoise, long, spaghetti straps with a little beading in a starburst kind of pattern that started on my hip. But everyone else had more like cocktail dresses...less like prom dresses. If I go next year, I'll definitely take that into account when shopping. I felt a bit out of place. There were a few girls with long dresses like mine, but we were definitely the minority. So...For your viewing pleasure, here are some pics from the dance. Please excuse my hair...It was flipping hot in that place and my bangs were washed that morning...They didn't last very long. :-P

Me & BFF @ my house before we left. We did NOT plan to have matching dresses. I convinced her to go with me a week before the dance and she borrowed the dress from her sister. What can I say, the girl has great taste!!

Black & Blue! :-)

Some Alumni Ladies

Just a few of the Girls

All I have to do...

...is dreeeeeammm...Dream, dream, dream...

I have a question for all of you in long term relationships...Do you dream about your significant other? It can be in a sexy way, or not.

For the last couple weeks, I've been dreaming of a different man every night. And the only night that Hubby was actually in my dreams, I was pissed at him for something.

I can't remember ever having had a hot, steamy dream (or even just a mildly romantic one) about Hubby. After dreaming of another man, I wake up feeling a bit guilty, like I've done something wrong in real life. And then all day, I think about that guy. Lately, the dreams have been of actual people that I've known in some point in my life. People that I may or may not have had a crush on.

I just wonder, is it strange that I don't dream about Hubby?

I Want Wednesday

This week's question:

Your house is going to be on one of those home makeover shows. What room do you want done? What do you want done to it?
I'd actually like to have my backyard done, if that counts. I'd like to have a patio or deck where I could put my grill and a table & chairs. I'd like to have a raised herb & vegetable garden. Oh! And a fire pit! And maybe some of those speakers that look like rocks, so I could play music out there from my computer just inside the kitchen. I'd spend the whole spring/summer/fall outside!

What else do you want this week? Share it all.
Hmmm...What else do I want...?

I want to get my resume completed and sent out to potential employers.
I want to bust out my sewing machine and shorten the straps on my dress and attempt to make a shawl/wrap type thing to wear to my sorority formal next weekend.
I want to make something yummy for dinner in my crockpot this weekend.
I want to take Friday off, but that ain't gonna happen...

Perfection is a relative term...

So after this post, I was very hopeful that St. Catherine's would be my perfect home. Last weekend, I went to mass there and I had very high hopes. I had built it up in my head that I'd walk into the church and would hear the choir singing 'Hallelujah!'

It wasn't quite as wonderful as I'd hoped. There wasn't anything really wrong with it. I just felt a little let down. I was very impressed with the choir, who instead of being up the choir loft at the back of the church for no one to see, has a section at the front of the church. They all wear white choir robes and they are quite good. The best choir of all three churches that I attended. Although, based on the description of the music ministry on their website, I don't know if they are accepting new members?

The pews are far more comfortable than St. Mary's. It's also much smaller than St. Mary's. But it is VERY dark. Everything is made of dark brown brick. The stained glass windows are small and a bit abstract.

Another downside - I was bored by the priest's homily, who I would like to mention is very young. Couldn't be much older than I am. That would be nice...To be involved in a parish with at least one young priest. Someone who recognizes the importance of not only the older, more wealthy parishioners, but also the younger ones. The parishioners of the future. So, I guess Father Whatshisname Young-Guy is both a positive and a negative.

I don't know...When I consider all three churches, I think I liked St. Mary's the best. This surprises me. I've always liked to be a part of smaller communities and St. Mary's is far from small. But the things that draw me to St. Mary's is the opportunity to be active with youth ministry; the choir which wasn't awe-inspiring, but wasn't intimidating either; the quality of the homily; and the friendliness of the parishioners.

I do intend to give St. Catherine's another try this weekend. Maybe I just had it too built up in my mind to see that I really could make it my home. I was feeling let down, but that was my own fault.

Feeling a bit Meme-ish today...

Check out the Friday 5!

1. When did you last feel you were required to jump through meaningless hoops to get something you wanted?
I'm sure there've been other things since this, but the thing that pops out in my head is the refi of my mortgage. Took 6 months to get that damn thing completed!

2. What kinds of hula hoop memories do you have?
Not very good ones...I'm rather uncoordinated and just couldn't get the movement down. Either that, or I just didn't care enough to try harder ...Or maybe a little of both.

3. How do you feel about basketball?
Used to be fun to watch when the Bulls were in their hey day. I can remember getting teary eyed when they won their umpteenth championship.

4. What do you think of hoop earrings?
LOVE THEM! I'm a big fun of obnoxiously large earrings. My grandmother told me last weekend that I like to wear chandeliers on my ears...And?

5. What’s your favorite Whoopi Goldberg movie?
Well, the only one that really comes to mind is Ghost. So, I'll go with that.

I'm at about 50%...

I always end up all over the place in these posts...I have so much to say, and just want to tell you everything! Perhaps if I posted more than once every two weeks, I wouldn't feel the need to jam it all into one post. Oh well. I do. Get over it. :-)

In one of my more recent posts, I discussed resolutions. I've been doing quite well with the church one. I've gone to mass every weekend since the beginning of the year. Granted, that's only three weeks, but it's 2 more weeks than the last time I thought I was ready to go back. And frankly, I don't see myself slacking on this one. I feel really good about it. That first Sunday, I went back to St. Charles Borromeo (SCB), the church that sort of reminds me of my old "home." It's about the same size and probably about the same age. They've got a choir (which is very important to me - I NEED to get back singing) and it's the closest. But I wanted to check out some of the other churches in the area, to make sure that I find the one that is right for me.

So, for the last two weeks, I attended mass at St. Mary's. I don't think I've ever seen a Catholic church this big. When I pulled into the parking lot, I literally out-loud, to myself, exclaimed 'Holy Crap!' It looked enormous to me. Inside is beautiful. Very, very large. It was built in 2001, so it has these modern-ish features. I don't know if I'd ever be comfortable in a parish that is so enormous. I've always enjoyed being a part of small things - small church, small(ish) high school, small colleges, small company. It does seem like St. Mary's has a lot to offer, including a choir (and a youth group that is looking for adult volunteers!). But I have to admit, I feel a bit overwhelmed there. And to be perfectly honest, the pews are really uncomfortable. lol They're low to the ground, and I find it near impossible to kneel on the kneelers. Maybe a silly con, but a con still.

This coming weekend and the week after, I'm planning on going to St. Catherine's, which a bit further (maybe 15 or 20 minutes from home), but I've heard a lot of good things about it. My aunt/uncle/cousins live in the area, so I asked for some suggestions. My aunt and cousin highly suggested this one, saying that they have a nice choir, youth programs, and while it's not a small church by any stretch, it's not as gigantic as St. Mary's. One of my coworkers told me that this is the church that she grew up going to and says that she likes it much more than SCB, where she had her children baptized. I'm really excited to go to mass at St. Catherine's on Sunday. I'm hoping that this one will be the perfect fit for me.

My second resolution - keeping better track of my sugar levels - is going okay. I'm testing at least once a day (supposed to do twice a day). I'm often surprised to see how high it is. Especially in the morning. I guess knowing is part of the battle, though. If I know it's high, I can be better prepared to combat it.

My final resolution - the same one that I have had every year since I was probably 9 - is stagnant. I just don't have motivation. I'm not hashing this out again. I'm just sayin...1.5 out of 3 isn't too bad, right? :-/

In other news, my birthday was a week ago today. It was really a fantabulous birthday! Seriously, best birthday in years. I must have gotten about 200 emails/facebook posts/blogs wishing me a happy birthday. I spent some extra time that morning and curled my hair, wore my favorite sweater and was ready for a happy day. Hubby texted me and told me to get home by 4, so that we could go to dinner. I got to work and my coworkers had decorated my desk (it's a tradition to do this, and usually I'm the one in charge of remembering bdays and buying a card & balloon). They got me the COOLEST balloon! It's bigger than your standard mylar balloon and it's clear! (I used to collect balloons in high school...Yeah, I'm an oddity of sorts...) I got to leave work a bit early, so I did a bit of shopping. Then went to dinner at Olive Garden with the Hubs. It was really a great day. It doesn't take much.

I spent a good part of Saturday working on my resume. I've finally decided to stop being passive about the whole situation and hoping that it gets better. I sent it to my dad, who gave me some suggestions on improving it, so I'm intending to update it later this week and perhaps start applying for some job openings next week. I'm nervous about it, but I need to at least see what's out there.

Today is 4 months since Opa passed. I still get choked up (and usually in tears) on a pretty regular basis. Songs do it for me a lot of the time. My birthday was kinda tough. But I guess I'm doing better. I talk to him a lot. Especially when I got teary eyed. I do feel his presence and I know he's always listening. So I take those moments to tell him how much I miss him and love him.

Hubby asked to go back to 2nd shift yesterday. He thinks his 1st shift boss is out to get him. I don't know what to think. He has a bad track record with authority figures (as in he pisses off his boss for some stupid shit and gets fired...), so if he thinks the boss might be heading down that road, then I'm supportive of the 2nd shift. I was really liking him on 1st, though. It's nice to spend time with him before bed. And to actually sleep with him at night. And to wake up together. I told him that I would've liked him to stay on 1st, but not if it means that he's going to end up without a job!

I think that's all I've got on news...I may be posting a meme next...We'll see. I really should be working right now. But I'm at a bit of a standstill with work tasks, so meme-ing sounds a lot more interesting. :-)

Sunday Stealing

So, I've been sorta slacking on the "Meme a day" idea that I had like two months ago. What else is new...? I get these great ideas and then within a week or two, they've been forgotten. Whatev. I'm killing time and what better way to do that than with one of the original memes I'd planned to participate in?

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Wow...What a question. I don't know that I would blow anyone up. I guess I don't dislike anyone enough for that.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Wow, again...There aren't any musical entities that I dislike that much.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Okay, now punching in the face is a lot different than blowing up or wiping out of existence. And as hard as I tried to come up with someone to punch in the face, I can't think of any one specific person. Maybe the morons that are on the road when I'm trying to drive to work. But yeah, no one in particular.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

I'm rather partial to Havarti...Mmmm...Cheese...

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

A meatball sub with provalone and parmesan cheese.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

My first reaction was Josh Holloway. I heart Sawyer. Bad boy with a heart of gold. And so absolutely delicious.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Mmmm...I think I'm going to go with Toby Keith. Do you see a pattern in my choice of celebs?

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

I'ma get my hurr did. I need some color and I seriously do not remember the last time I got it cut.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Italy. Absolutely.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

I'm in Italy! What the hell do you think I'm going to do??? I'm finding myself some pasta.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

lol...Um, I guess it'd be Grey Goose. The vodka is starting to grow on me.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Who the hell is Rufus? Assuming he's for real and so is his time-travelling phone booth, I'd go back to the seventies, and I'd find my mom in college. I'd just like to be friends with her before she got sick. See what she was like back then.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

You must respect those around you. Treat others how you wish to be treated.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

15.What is your favorite curse word?

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

27. What’s your theme song?