But I don't know if he understands me.
Each weekend seems to be a different "discussion." Last weekend, it was the baby discussion. I really tried to stress to him how important this is to me. That the whole baby making process is not going to be easy for us. We're both overweight and quickly heading to our 30's. Now is the time.
Hubby talks a lot about "CJ." CJ is what we will name our first son. Hubby talks about him on a regular, probably daily, basis. Things that we will and won't do with/for/to him. But there's this huge issue...In order for CJ to come to fruition, we have to have sex. And recently, Hubby has decided that sex is too much like "work" to be bothered. He basically said he can get the same end result in 5 minutes time, without having to get all sweaty and tired. Dude, really? Way to make your wife feel good about herself. I tried to talk about the whole thing with him. He says he agrees, now is the time. But I don't see him making any efforts to change things.
So, this weekend, the "discussion" was about spending time together. I feel like I have a roommate, not a husband. He sits upstairs, playing video games and doing whatever he's doing all weekend. I go downstairs and watch tv and cook and clean and go out for this reason or that reason. When he's hungry, he comes down to the kitchen, finds some food and takes it all back up to the office with him. Now that he's working 2nd shift, he stays up later than I do and sleeps later than I do.
Yesterday, I told him that I would like for us to spend some quality time together. I tried explaining to him that just because we're in the house together at the same time, that doesn't make it time spent together. I tried to tell him that sleeping next to one another doesn't count. I told him that I don't like feeling like we just exist in the same place. I told him I'm not happy about it. That I feel like at the very least, he should be able to pull himself away from the game and eat a meal with me. I cook the dinner and he comes and gets a plate and then takes it back upstairs. I'm left to clean everything up and eat alone. It just sucks. I feel like it shouldn't be this way. His response is that this is how his parents were. He tries to tell me that my parents & grandparents didn't have "quality" time together, either. That they all did their own thing. Yes, you do your own things, but then at some point, you get together and enjoy one another's company. I mean, otherwise, what the hell is the point? He doesn't see a problem with it. He thinks that this is perfectly normal and okay and I'm supposed to "outgrow" this need for anything more than cohabitation.
He thinks the problem is that I need him to give more attention. And he's right. But he doesn't give it to me in the way that I want and need. He thinks wrestling with me for ten minutes before going to sleep counts as paying attention to me. He thinks waking me up when he gets home (an hour or two after I've already gone to sleep) and talking at me about his day for a half hour is enough.
He wasn't always this way...We used to do things. We used to go places together. See a movie, go out for dinner, go camping, drive around, watch tv, play games. Now, it's like we have nothing in common anymore. I try to suggest things that we could do together, and he shoots each one of them down.
I just keep asking myself, What are we doing? What are we waiting for? What am I waiting for?
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Time flies...
I can't believe it's already been a month since my last post. Time just gets away from me. Especially at this time of year.
Facebook just suggested a friend for me. Someone that I've been sorta looking for for a while now. I did a little creeping on his page. And it makes me wonder how life could have been...
This guy...What shall I call him? Buckle. lol If you knew him back in the day, you'd know why I'm giving him this name. Anyway, he was the older brother of one of my classmates. We got to know one another through a church group and I developed a crush on him in my freshman year of high school (Seriously...I think it'd be easier to count the guys that I didn't have a crush on...). We had a bit of a flirty relationship. He was SUCH a nice guy.
I don't remember what the occasion was, but we were at our church's grade school and Buckle, his brother and I were all hanging out on the playground. Mel was probably there at some point, too. Although I could be lying about that. Buckle and I had been flirting a whole bunch and he offered to drive me home, so my dad wouldn't have to drive out to get me. I had a backback or something, which I'd put in his trunk. When we got to my house, he got out of the car with me to get my bag and kissed me there in the driveway.
I don't know why that relationship never went anywhere. I really liked him a lot. And I got the distinct signal that he felt the same way. I think we talked on the phone a couple times, but that was it. Never a date. Never anything more than that one kiss.
I thought that I'd heard that he'd gotten married a few years ago. And I have to admit that I had a moment of disappointment when I heard that. But now Facebook tells me that he's single.
Not that I'm planning on going anywhere. And frankly, things with my husband are pretty good right now. I think the last year has been the happiest that we've been with one another for a long time. But seeing this old friend show up on FB, it stirs up that thought of 'What if...?' I think on more occasions than I'd like to admit, I find myself thinking about how different my life might have been if I'd made one decision differently.
Oh well. 'What if' will never get me anywhere. Life is what it is, right?
Facebook just suggested a friend for me. Someone that I've been sorta looking for for a while now. I did a little creeping on his page. And it makes me wonder how life could have been...
This guy...What shall I call him? Buckle. lol If you knew him back in the day, you'd know why I'm giving him this name. Anyway, he was the older brother of one of my classmates. We got to know one another through a church group and I developed a crush on him in my freshman year of high school (Seriously...I think it'd be easier to count the guys that I didn't have a crush on...). We had a bit of a flirty relationship. He was SUCH a nice guy.
I don't remember what the occasion was, but we were at our church's grade school and Buckle, his brother and I were all hanging out on the playground. Mel was probably there at some point, too. Although I could be lying about that. Buckle and I had been flirting a whole bunch and he offered to drive me home, so my dad wouldn't have to drive out to get me. I had a backback or something, which I'd put in his trunk. When we got to my house, he got out of the car with me to get my bag and kissed me there in the driveway.
I don't know why that relationship never went anywhere. I really liked him a lot. And I got the distinct signal that he felt the same way. I think we talked on the phone a couple times, but that was it. Never a date. Never anything more than that one kiss.
I thought that I'd heard that he'd gotten married a few years ago. And I have to admit that I had a moment of disappointment when I heard that. But now Facebook tells me that he's single.
Not that I'm planning on going anywhere. And frankly, things with my husband are pretty good right now. I think the last year has been the happiest that we've been with one another for a long time. But seeing this old friend show up on FB, it stirs up that thought of 'What if...?' I think on more occasions than I'd like to admit, I find myself thinking about how different my life might have been if I'd made one decision differently.
Oh well. 'What if' will never get me anywhere. Life is what it is, right?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Bad night...
Geez, was tonight a bad night for Hubby & me. We used to have nights like these every night. Where I couldn't wait for him to leave and then as soon as he was gone, I was hysterical. I'd go through cycles of feeling sorry for myself, to despising him, to a sense of calmness. I'd yell at him, though he wasn't there. I'd sob. I'd undoubtedly end up with a headache at the end of it all. After about an hour of that, I'd get to feeling...I'm not sure the word. Not guilty, but...just like I wanted some sort of resolution. So, I'd call him (most of the time, these fights end with him leaving for work or hanging up on me) and try to apologize and smooth everything over. Sometimes, it would work, most of the time, it wouldn't and we'd just go on being irritated with one another.
And then about six months ago, we finally had it out. In our own ways. We had another one of these nights where he ranted and raved about how unhappy he was. And he didn't hold anything back. He laid it all out on the table. And as much as I was feeling the same way, I didn't want to own up to that, but I did want to make sure that we fixed the problem. A couple days later, as I was driving to work, I told him how I was feeling and that while my feelings were related to the lack of intimacy and feeling loved, the outcome was the same, that I was very unhappy. We were stuck in this downward spiral, he was pissed because he felt like I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, so he was slacking on his. And vice versa.
After these two conversations, we both started making an effort to make things better. And they have been. So much much better.
And then tonight we had one of our old arguments again. It was over something that isn't trivial in the present, but in the big picture, it's really stupid. One of the lessons that my dad taught me early on in life is to pick and choose your battles. I'm really laid back and I pretty much let things roll off my back. It takes a lot to really get me to a point where I'm ready to put up my dukes (figuratively...I've never once literally put em up).
But once Hubby gets going, there's no stopping him. One little thing, on top of another, on top of another...They all just snowball and he starts nit picking. You bought the wrong cleaning solution. You need to take the cat to the vet. You always give me the same two things in my lunch. I want something other than ham. There's a pile of papers on the table. The sky is blue... And after a while, I stop listening. I can only take so much before I start feeling sorry for myself and tune him out. And that's when he decides that he's going to leave because 'what's the point in staying here, talking to the wall?' I hate when he leaves like this because I can't stand to leave this feeling of uneasiness in the air.
In the past, this was where things were left until the next day, when we'd start all over again. So, you can see how the frustration just continued to build and build until we got to a point where we weren't really even speaking. We'd be in a room together all weekend and only speak when we absolutely had to.
Tonight was different though. He stormed out of here like always, and then ten minutes later, he called and ...
apologized.
Wait. I need to read that again.
In the almost ten years we've been together, there haven't been many apologies from him. Especially not for things like this. Sure, he's apologized for the really big things that he did to wrong me. And he's said he was sorry for the little things that don't matter. But something like this, where a confession that he blew something out of proportion or that he's taking out his bad mood on me, those have been very few and far between. It was nice that he did. I didn't get the message until a half hour after he'd left it, which made it better. I called him back and he reaffirmed that he was partially in the wrong. I thanked him and assured him that I heard what he was upset with me about.
I think that's how an argument is supposed to happen. At the end of it, everyone's supposed to have a mutual understanding of what the problem was and how we can fix it. And that should be the end of it. It shouldn't carry on to the next day or the next argument. I'm rambling. The point that I'm trying to make is that I'm glad that it ended the way that it did and I still love my husband and everything's going to be okay.
And then about six months ago, we finally had it out. In our own ways. We had another one of these nights where he ranted and raved about how unhappy he was. And he didn't hold anything back. He laid it all out on the table. And as much as I was feeling the same way, I didn't want to own up to that, but I did want to make sure that we fixed the problem. A couple days later, as I was driving to work, I told him how I was feeling and that while my feelings were related to the lack of intimacy and feeling loved, the outcome was the same, that I was very unhappy. We were stuck in this downward spiral, he was pissed because he felt like I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, so he was slacking on his. And vice versa.
After these two conversations, we both started making an effort to make things better. And they have been. So much much better.
And then tonight we had one of our old arguments again. It was over something that isn't trivial in the present, but in the big picture, it's really stupid. One of the lessons that my dad taught me early on in life is to pick and choose your battles. I'm really laid back and I pretty much let things roll off my back. It takes a lot to really get me to a point where I'm ready to put up my dukes (figuratively...I've never once literally put em up).
But once Hubby gets going, there's no stopping him. One little thing, on top of another, on top of another...They all just snowball and he starts nit picking. You bought the wrong cleaning solution. You need to take the cat to the vet. You always give me the same two things in my lunch. I want something other than ham. There's a pile of papers on the table. The sky is blue... And after a while, I stop listening. I can only take so much before I start feeling sorry for myself and tune him out. And that's when he decides that he's going to leave because 'what's the point in staying here, talking to the wall?' I hate when he leaves like this because I can't stand to leave this feeling of uneasiness in the air.
In the past, this was where things were left until the next day, when we'd start all over again. So, you can see how the frustration just continued to build and build until we got to a point where we weren't really even speaking. We'd be in a room together all weekend and only speak when we absolutely had to.
Tonight was different though. He stormed out of here like always, and then ten minutes later, he called and ...
apologized.
Wait. I need to read that again.
In the almost ten years we've been together, there haven't been many apologies from him. Especially not for things like this. Sure, he's apologized for the really big things that he did to wrong me. And he's said he was sorry for the little things that don't matter. But something like this, where a confession that he blew something out of proportion or that he's taking out his bad mood on me, those have been very few and far between. It was nice that he did. I didn't get the message until a half hour after he'd left it, which made it better. I called him back and he reaffirmed that he was partially in the wrong. I thanked him and assured him that I heard what he was upset with me about.
I think that's how an argument is supposed to happen. At the end of it, everyone's supposed to have a mutual understanding of what the problem was and how we can fix it. And that should be the end of it. It shouldn't carry on to the next day or the next argument. I'm rambling. The point that I'm trying to make is that I'm glad that it ended the way that it did and I still love my husband and everything's going to be okay.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Puppy Love - I had a lot of it!
I don't know about you, but I was always looking for or in a relationship. For as long as I can remember. Before I hit high school, I had been in love more times than I can count on one hand.
When I was three or four, my best friend, Rambo, was my next door neighbor. I spent most of my days playing with him and sometimes his older brother, Mario, would join us. We spent a lot of time playing in the backyard. Rambo would bring his He-Man action figures over and I'd want them to fall in love with my Barbies. I think Rambo could've done without the lovefest, but whatever. I'm a girl! Sometimes, when it was really hot out, Rambo & Mario's mom would let us hang out in the basement. The boys played Nintendo, and I pretty much just watched because I sucked. Bad. We listened to Weird Al and Kokomo on a tape player. We played on the slip-n-slide in their backyard. They were good boys - made for great friends. And I was madly in love with Mario. I remember once he asked me to be his girlfriend. I think that only lasted a couple days because Rambo found out and was pissed.
I had a couple crushes early in elementary school, but I think I was more interested in Donnie from NKOTB than any of the boys my age. And then in fourth grade, boys and girls started having girlfriends and boyfriends. And thus started the crush on Billy. O.M.G. I wanted to love Billy so bad. And so did Gina. Gina definitely won that battle. I don't think Billy even knew I existed. The Billy thing continued through fifth grade and into sixth, where it was at its height. Sixth grade, I started to explore other options because Billy and Gina were still going strong, and she had great boobs already. I was no competition. Billy was one of the cool guys, but was always so nice. He never had anything mean to say, even to the nerdy fat girl with the pimple in the middle of her forehead. I'm friends with him on fb now and even still, I have to admit, that that red hair and big smile make me melt. Oh Billy...If only you knew...
And then I transferred schools. I went from a public school where there were probably 120 kids per grade to a private Catholic school, where we had maybe 30 kids per grade. It was a huge change for me, but luckily, I wasn't alone. I had Mel (and another girl who I'm pretty sure has completely fallen off the face of the earth). It didn't take long for me to find a boy to latch onto. First, there was Sully. He was a super nerd, as were all but two or three of the boys in the class. But he was nice and best yet - he liked ME! So, I don't know how we got there, but he was my boyfriend. And then all the 8th graders started giving us shit. He tried to kiss me on the bus one day when they were giving him a hard time...I turned my head, he kissed my cheek. And then I dumped him because I didn't like all the flac that we got. I was embarrassed and didn't want to be put on the spot like that. Sully was always a really nice guy and we remained friendly. I think for a few years after that, we still had a flirty thing between us, and I'm pretty sure that if I'd made the first move, we would've gotten back together.
Eighth grade was a flurry of boyfriends and love interests. For most of the year, I had an actual boyfriend, JD. He was the smartest kid in the class, another nerdy one, nice guy. I totally walked all over him. And I never really got the feeling that his mom liked me. I mean, she wasn't mean and she wasn't outwardly unhappy about me. But she was looking out for her son. She didn't want him to abandon his schoolwork because of me. And she didn't want us moving too fast, I'm sure. I mean, I was the guy's first girlfriend. He was my first real kiss. It was sweet...I wonder if he still remembers it. We both, along with a lot of other kids in our class, volunteered to help with Market Day after school. It was kinda dark and we'd just finsihed helping someone out to their car. We snuck off to the side of the school, underneath the fire escape and had our first real kiss under the yellowey-orange glow of the parking lot lights.
The biggest caveat of my relationship with JD was not his mother, I think if we'd stayed together, she would've warmed up to me more. No, the biggest probably was that I was totally and completely in LOVE with his best friend, JO. Who wanted nothing to do with me. I tried everything I could. I flirted...HARD. But he just wasn't taking the bait. I don't know if it was me or if it was because he was smitten with someone else. But eventually, I got the picture, so I moved on to their other friend, TB. Who was into me for a couple weeks after he had his heart broken. And then realized that I was the rebound girl and was done with me. lol And then I moved on to another guy in the class, who I knew had wanted to rock my socks for quite a while, JG. And after all of that, JD and I ended up back together for a few weeks before summer kicked off. Yeah, I was whoring it up in 8th grade. I liked the attention.
High school started and that was a new wave of stupid boy-driven decisions. And once I was in high school, all bets were off. This was no longer puppy love. It was all-out 'You will be my squishy' love. I don't remember a time where I was single for more than a couple months since my freshman year in high school began. I was always the girl with the boyfriend. I just couldn't stand to be single. I needed to be loved.
Tell me about your puppy love! Who was the first boy you wanted to love? Who was your first kiss? Who was the first boy that you really did love? Who was the first boy that you treated like crap? Or was that just me? I think about all of these boys still, some of them more often than others.
When I was three or four, my best friend, Rambo, was my next door neighbor. I spent most of my days playing with him and sometimes his older brother, Mario, would join us. We spent a lot of time playing in the backyard. Rambo would bring his He-Man action figures over and I'd want them to fall in love with my Barbies. I think Rambo could've done without the lovefest, but whatever. I'm a girl! Sometimes, when it was really hot out, Rambo & Mario's mom would let us hang out in the basement. The boys played Nintendo, and I pretty much just watched because I sucked. Bad. We listened to Weird Al and Kokomo on a tape player. We played on the slip-n-slide in their backyard. They were good boys - made for great friends. And I was madly in love with Mario. I remember once he asked me to be his girlfriend. I think that only lasted a couple days because Rambo found out and was pissed.
I had a couple crushes early in elementary school, but I think I was more interested in Donnie from NKOTB than any of the boys my age. And then in fourth grade, boys and girls started having girlfriends and boyfriends. And thus started the crush on Billy. O.M.G. I wanted to love Billy so bad. And so did Gina. Gina definitely won that battle. I don't think Billy even knew I existed. The Billy thing continued through fifth grade and into sixth, where it was at its height. Sixth grade, I started to explore other options because Billy and Gina were still going strong, and she had great boobs already. I was no competition. Billy was one of the cool guys, but was always so nice. He never had anything mean to say, even to the nerdy fat girl with the pimple in the middle of her forehead. I'm friends with him on fb now and even still, I have to admit, that that red hair and big smile make me melt. Oh Billy...If only you knew...
And then I transferred schools. I went from a public school where there were probably 120 kids per grade to a private Catholic school, where we had maybe 30 kids per grade. It was a huge change for me, but luckily, I wasn't alone. I had Mel (and another girl who I'm pretty sure has completely fallen off the face of the earth). It didn't take long for me to find a boy to latch onto. First, there was Sully. He was a super nerd, as were all but two or three of the boys in the class. But he was nice and best yet - he liked ME! So, I don't know how we got there, but he was my boyfriend. And then all the 8th graders started giving us shit. He tried to kiss me on the bus one day when they were giving him a hard time...I turned my head, he kissed my cheek. And then I dumped him because I didn't like all the flac that we got. I was embarrassed and didn't want to be put on the spot like that. Sully was always a really nice guy and we remained friendly. I think for a few years after that, we still had a flirty thing between us, and I'm pretty sure that if I'd made the first move, we would've gotten back together.
Eighth grade was a flurry of boyfriends and love interests. For most of the year, I had an actual boyfriend, JD. He was the smartest kid in the class, another nerdy one, nice guy. I totally walked all over him. And I never really got the feeling that his mom liked me. I mean, she wasn't mean and she wasn't outwardly unhappy about me. But she was looking out for her son. She didn't want him to abandon his schoolwork because of me. And she didn't want us moving too fast, I'm sure. I mean, I was the guy's first girlfriend. He was my first real kiss. It was sweet...I wonder if he still remembers it. We both, along with a lot of other kids in our class, volunteered to help with Market Day after school. It was kinda dark and we'd just finsihed helping someone out to their car. We snuck off to the side of the school, underneath the fire escape and had our first real kiss under the yellowey-orange glow of the parking lot lights.
The biggest caveat of my relationship with JD was not his mother, I think if we'd stayed together, she would've warmed up to me more. No, the biggest probably was that I was totally and completely in LOVE with his best friend, JO. Who wanted nothing to do with me. I tried everything I could. I flirted...HARD. But he just wasn't taking the bait. I don't know if it was me or if it was because he was smitten with someone else. But eventually, I got the picture, so I moved on to their other friend, TB. Who was into me for a couple weeks after he had his heart broken. And then realized that I was the rebound girl and was done with me. lol And then I moved on to another guy in the class, who I knew had wanted to rock my socks for quite a while, JG. And after all of that, JD and I ended up back together for a few weeks before summer kicked off. Yeah, I was whoring it up in 8th grade. I liked the attention.
High school started and that was a new wave of stupid boy-driven decisions. And once I was in high school, all bets were off. This was no longer puppy love. It was all-out 'You will be my squishy' love. I don't remember a time where I was single for more than a couple months since my freshman year in high school began. I was always the girl with the boyfriend. I just couldn't stand to be single. I needed to be loved.
Tell me about your puppy love! Who was the first boy you wanted to love? Who was your first kiss? Who was the first boy that you really did love? Who was the first boy that you treated like crap? Or was that just me? I think about all of these boys still, some of them more often than others.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I have a love/hate relationship with Fridays...
I LOVE knowing that the weekend is just around the corner...But I HATE trying to pass the last 8 hours of the work week. I swear, I've been at work for four hours and I've actually worked for about 45 minutes. Yay email, Facebook and the wonderful world of blogging.
Anyway, in an attempt to pass some more time before doing any more work, I'm stealing a new meme from Muffs. Thankyouverymuch.
1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Definitely taken, but I have a huge crush on Josh Holloway from Lost (Sawyer). I was just reading up on Lost earlier this week and learned that the next season will be the last! I will be very sad when that happens. I want them to stay on the island forever. Or better yet, I'll just find my way to the island with Sawyer and everyone else can go home.
2) Are you happy with where you are?
Physically...I could be happier if I weren't at work, but I like to pay the bills, so I'm okay with it. In the metaphoric sense (as Jamie so aptly put it), yeah, I'm pretty happy. I'm really jonesin' for a kid, but I can continue to be patient...for a while.
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Yeah. Before I was married, if the guy was nice enough and showed boyfriend potential, it didn't take long before I was head over heels.
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
I don't know that I have. I mean, when I was younger, I know I went through some breakups that really hurt. No, wait. I take that back. I definitely have. My first real boyfriend. I was totally smitten with the guy. Geez, I would've done anything for him. And he broke up with me over an IM. I couldn't even get a phone call. It totally came out of the blue, as far as I was concerned. I never really did find out why we broke up. I have to admit, I still look for him on Facebook every once in a while, hoping that I can at least see what he looks like now. I started to say that I hope he's ugly and miserable now, but I really don't. I hope he's happy in life - everyone deserves that.
5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
I don't believe that it's okay. When you make a commitment to someone, stick to it. And if you don't want to stick to it, then don't stay in the relationship.
6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I would like to say no, but I'd be lying. Hubby and I went through some tough times in our past, and I did take him back. It was a long time ago, and people grow up. I don't agree with the statement 'Once a cheater, always a cheater.' You learn from your mistakes and you change.
7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Duh.
8) Do you want children?
Again, duh.
9) How many?
I'd be happy with one right now, but eventually, I'd like to have two.
10) Would you consider adoption?
If we couldn't have our own, I definitely would.
11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
They should send me a note which says 'I like you. Do you like me? Check Yes, No or Maybe' LOL!
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Pfft.
13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
Um...I don't think I know what that is...God, I feel old.
14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
I used to...I think I've become jaded in my old age. lol Really, I think love is something that develops over time. And it changes, too. I love my husband in a much different way than I did 9 years ago (ew...really? nine years?)
15) Are you romantic?
At heart, absolutely. In reality, no way. I'm too lazy to be romantic. And my husband wouldn't know romantic if I threw it at him.
16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
No - a person can only change if THEY want it.
17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object where would it be?
If I could've gotten married anywhere, it would've been exactly where I did get married. A place that I felt was home to me. I might have had a more low-key reception...Like a BBQ back at the house or something. I found that after I did the whole big shabang thing, I wished I'd taken that money and spent it elsewhere.
18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Sure, I've got feelings for all kinds of people! ;-)
19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
Yes. Oh Lordy, did I ever. There were a couple guys that I wanted to love so badly...One that I never had the balls to say something to, and one that wasn't at all interested. I'm glad I didn't though. Who knows where I'd be now.
20) Have you ever broken a heart?
Yes, I'm pretty sure that I have. Not that I intentionally said, "Hm...I think I'm going to go in bitch mode and break B's heart." I just thought the grass was greener on the other side. Once I figured out that it wasn't, it was too late.
21) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Fight someone...? I dunno. I have never been in a fight. But I guess if it came down to it, I would.
22)What would you say about your last ex?
He's a great guy. And I'm sorry if I've ever done anything to hurt him. We've remained sorta neutral friends over the last few years. I try to keep up with him, but he doesn't respond much. That might be his current gf's wishes. Or he might just not give a shit. I care for him and I hope that he finds happiness.
Anyway, in an attempt to pass some more time before doing any more work, I'm stealing a new meme from Muffs. Thankyouverymuch.
1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Definitely taken, but I have a huge crush on Josh Holloway from Lost (Sawyer). I was just reading up on Lost earlier this week and learned that the next season will be the last! I will be very sad when that happens. I want them to stay on the island forever. Or better yet, I'll just find my way to the island with Sawyer and everyone else can go home.
2) Are you happy with where you are?
Physically...I could be happier if I weren't at work, but I like to pay the bills, so I'm okay with it. In the metaphoric sense (as Jamie so aptly put it), yeah, I'm pretty happy. I'm really jonesin' for a kid, but I can continue to be patient...for a while.
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Yeah. Before I was married, if the guy was nice enough and showed boyfriend potential, it didn't take long before I was head over heels.
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
I don't know that I have. I mean, when I was younger, I know I went through some breakups that really hurt. No, wait. I take that back. I definitely have. My first real boyfriend. I was totally smitten with the guy. Geez, I would've done anything for him. And he broke up with me over an IM. I couldn't even get a phone call. It totally came out of the blue, as far as I was concerned. I never really did find out why we broke up. I have to admit, I still look for him on Facebook every once in a while, hoping that I can at least see what he looks like now. I started to say that I hope he's ugly and miserable now, but I really don't. I hope he's happy in life - everyone deserves that.
5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
I don't believe that it's okay. When you make a commitment to someone, stick to it. And if you don't want to stick to it, then don't stay in the relationship.
6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I would like to say no, but I'd be lying. Hubby and I went through some tough times in our past, and I did take him back. It was a long time ago, and people grow up. I don't agree with the statement 'Once a cheater, always a cheater.' You learn from your mistakes and you change.
7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Duh.
8) Do you want children?
Again, duh.
9) How many?
I'd be happy with one right now, but eventually, I'd like to have two.
10) Would you consider adoption?
If we couldn't have our own, I definitely would.
11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
They should send me a note which says 'I like you. Do you like me? Check Yes, No or Maybe' LOL!
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Pfft.
13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
Um...I don't think I know what that is...God, I feel old.
14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
I used to...I think I've become jaded in my old age. lol Really, I think love is something that develops over time. And it changes, too. I love my husband in a much different way than I did 9 years ago (ew...really? nine years?)
15) Are you romantic?
At heart, absolutely. In reality, no way. I'm too lazy to be romantic. And my husband wouldn't know romantic if I threw it at him.
16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
No - a person can only change if THEY want it.
17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object where would it be?
If I could've gotten married anywhere, it would've been exactly where I did get married. A place that I felt was home to me. I might have had a more low-key reception...Like a BBQ back at the house or something. I found that after I did the whole big shabang thing, I wished I'd taken that money and spent it elsewhere.
18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Sure, I've got feelings for all kinds of people! ;-)
19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
Yes. Oh Lordy, did I ever. There were a couple guys that I wanted to love so badly...One that I never had the balls to say something to, and one that wasn't at all interested. I'm glad I didn't though. Who knows where I'd be now.
20) Have you ever broken a heart?
Yes, I'm pretty sure that I have. Not that I intentionally said, "Hm...I think I'm going to go in bitch mode and break B's heart." I just thought the grass was greener on the other side. Once I figured out that it wasn't, it was too late.
21) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Fight someone...? I dunno. I have never been in a fight. But I guess if it came down to it, I would.
22)What would you say about your last ex?
He's a great guy. And I'm sorry if I've ever done anything to hurt him. We've remained sorta neutral friends over the last few years. I try to keep up with him, but he doesn't respond much. That might be his current gf's wishes. Or he might just not give a shit. I care for him and I hope that he finds happiness.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Care Package
Last week, there was a writing prompt at Twenty Something Writers called "Care Packages". I had planned to write something and then when I sat down to do it, I had a really difficult time coming up with people to send these care packages to, and an even more difficult time coming up with the contents of each package for those that I was able to come up with. So, I abandoned that idea and posted some randomness instead. But Mel had better luck than I did, in this post. And I was one of the recipients of her care packages. As soon as I read the advice that she had for me, I was in tears.
"3. Tell her everything you think but don't necessarily say. Sometimes we think they just know, but it's best to be sure!"
I was beyond choked up, and I attribute that to a couple things. I know that the advice comes from her heart. I know that if given the opportunity, she would have given herself the same advice a year ago. I think the other reason I was upset was that I know she's right. Just rereading her words, I get a lump in my throat. There are so many things that I don't tell my mom. I tell her that I love her every time I see her. Numerous times. She doesn't really talk anymore, just kind of observes everything that's going on around her. But when I tell her that I love her, she smiles and says it back.
That being said, there are a lot of things that I don't tell her. Not for any particular reason. I think it's mostly because I don't want to say anything that might upset her. I only see her for a few hours every two or three weeks, and I'd rather not spend any of that time on a heavy topic, like 'Mom, you are incredibly strong. I hope that I can be half as brave as you have been. I'm sorry that I was a punk ass teenager. I'm sorry that MS has taken so much from you. Thank you for pulling through so many times.' But Melissa is so right. I should tell her these things. She should know how proud I am of her. So, much like Mel's letters to her Gram, I decided to write my mom a letter. I don't know that I'm strong enough to read it to her myself, and I don't think she can see well enough to read it on her own, but maybe my dad can read it to her. That's kind of a cop out, huh? Well, I'll figure that part out later. Letter to Mom, coming soon. Can't do it at work...I'm already a semi-blubbering mess. This post is definitely better done at home.
"3. Tell her everything you think but don't necessarily say. Sometimes we think they just know, but it's best to be sure!"
I was beyond choked up, and I attribute that to a couple things. I know that the advice comes from her heart. I know that if given the opportunity, she would have given herself the same advice a year ago. I think the other reason I was upset was that I know she's right. Just rereading her words, I get a lump in my throat. There are so many things that I don't tell my mom. I tell her that I love her every time I see her. Numerous times. She doesn't really talk anymore, just kind of observes everything that's going on around her. But when I tell her that I love her, she smiles and says it back.
That being said, there are a lot of things that I don't tell her. Not for any particular reason. I think it's mostly because I don't want to say anything that might upset her. I only see her for a few hours every two or three weeks, and I'd rather not spend any of that time on a heavy topic, like 'Mom, you are incredibly strong. I hope that I can be half as brave as you have been. I'm sorry that I was a punk ass teenager. I'm sorry that MS has taken so much from you. Thank you for pulling through so many times.' But Melissa is so right. I should tell her these things. She should know how proud I am of her. So, much like Mel's letters to her Gram, I decided to write my mom a letter. I don't know that I'm strong enough to read it to her myself, and I don't think she can see well enough to read it on her own, but maybe my dad can read it to her. That's kind of a cop out, huh? Well, I'll figure that part out later. Letter to Mom, coming soon. Can't do it at work...I'm already a semi-blubbering mess. This post is definitely better done at home.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Him & Me
Stolen from Jamie...Nothing like wasting time at work. :-)
What are your middle names?
Anne & James
How long have you been together?
In August, it will be 9 years.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
My junior year in hs, so like 2 years
Who asked who out?
He definitely asked me. Many times. Like I said, it was two years before we actually started dating.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
We're both only's, so this question definitely does not apply
Do you have any children together?
Not yet. :-P
What about pets?
Yeah, we started a collection of cats when I was about 20. We have Bubba & Woofie. And then we had Biggie & Diddle, but we left them at my mother-in-law's house, for Bubba's sanity...He's a tad on the bitchy side. :-)
Did you go to the same school?
For a while...Though, not when we were dating. We apparently went to preschool together - which neither of us remember - and then he went to my high school for his first two years, but then transferred to the public school before we ever actually met.
Who is the most sensitive?
I'm the winner!
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
It's a toss up between Olive Garden and White Castle
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
South Dakota/Wyoming/Louisiana (One big road trip)
Who has the craziest exes?
Um...I don't think any of my exes are really crazy. And he only has one ex...I dunno if I'd call her crazy. More like a skanky ho.
Who has the worst temper?
Hubby, for SURE
Who does the cooking?
Most of the time, it's me.
Who is more social?
I dunno. I have more friends, but I'm probably also more shy.
Who is the neat freak?
Neither of us. We're both pretty sloppy. Kinda sucks.
Who is the most stubborn?
Hubby
Who wakes up earlier?
Me. Always.
Where was your first date?
Pizza Hut! lol
Who has the bigger family?
Hubby - we're both only children, but his extended family is enormous.
Do you get flowers often?
I don't think he's EVER bought me flowers. WTF is wrong with him!?? :-)
How long did it take to get serious?
2 weeks...? lol
Who eats more?
Depends what we're eating. And what your definition of 'more' is...I think I eat more often, but he definitely eats more quantity.
Who sings better?
Probably me, but he still thinks I suck.
Who does the laundry?
Mostly me. Sometimes I can get him to switch the loads and bring the clean stuff up for me to put away.
Who’s better with the computer?
Hubby - he's a computer genius!
Who drives when you are together?
Hubby
Who picks where you go to dinner?
Usually Hubby. He's quite finiky, I'm pretty willing to go anywhere (aside from Taco Hell)
Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Me - I dunno if Hubby's EVER admitted he was wrong.
Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Hubby
Who has more tattoos?
We have two each.
Who eats more sweets?
Hubby - I'm more of a salty/savory girl
Who cries more?
Duh! Me.
Do you see this relationship lasting?
Yeah, we are married, so I sure hope so!
What are your middle names?
Anne & James
How long have you been together?
In August, it will be 9 years.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
My junior year in hs, so like 2 years
Who asked who out?
He definitely asked me. Many times. Like I said, it was two years before we actually started dating.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
We're both only's, so this question definitely does not apply
Do you have any children together?
Not yet. :-P
What about pets?
Yeah, we started a collection of cats when I was about 20. We have Bubba & Woofie. And then we had Biggie & Diddle, but we left them at my mother-in-law's house, for Bubba's sanity...He's a tad on the bitchy side. :-)
Did you go to the same school?
For a while...Though, not when we were dating. We apparently went to preschool together - which neither of us remember - and then he went to my high school for his first two years, but then transferred to the public school before we ever actually met.
Who is the most sensitive?
I'm the winner!
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
It's a toss up between Olive Garden and White Castle
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
South Dakota/Wyoming/Louisiana (One big road trip)
Who has the craziest exes?
Um...I don't think any of my exes are really crazy. And he only has one ex...I dunno if I'd call her crazy. More like a skanky ho.
Who has the worst temper?
Hubby, for SURE
Who does the cooking?
Most of the time, it's me.
Who is more social?
I dunno. I have more friends, but I'm probably also more shy.
Who is the neat freak?
Neither of us. We're both pretty sloppy. Kinda sucks.
Who is the most stubborn?
Hubby
Who wakes up earlier?
Me. Always.
Where was your first date?
Pizza Hut! lol
Who has the bigger family?
Hubby - we're both only children, but his extended family is enormous.
Do you get flowers often?
I don't think he's EVER bought me flowers. WTF is wrong with him!?? :-)
How long did it take to get serious?
2 weeks...? lol
Who eats more?
Depends what we're eating. And what your definition of 'more' is...I think I eat more often, but he definitely eats more quantity.
Who sings better?
Probably me, but he still thinks I suck.
Who does the laundry?
Mostly me. Sometimes I can get him to switch the loads and bring the clean stuff up for me to put away.
Who’s better with the computer?
Hubby - he's a computer genius!
Who drives when you are together?
Hubby
Who picks where you go to dinner?
Usually Hubby. He's quite finiky, I'm pretty willing to go anywhere (aside from Taco Hell)
Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Me - I dunno if Hubby's EVER admitted he was wrong.
Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Hubby
Who has more tattoos?
We have two each.
Who eats more sweets?
Hubby - I'm more of a salty/savory girl
Who cries more?
Duh! Me.
Do you see this relationship lasting?
Yeah, we are married, so I sure hope so!
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