Life isn't so great right now, and I really just don't feel like putting it down in words. I think about it all the time. I've even typed up a couple posts, and then after re-reading them, decided not to post because, really, who wants to read about me complaining about the same old shit? I'm just having a tough time finding the positive in life right now. I feel a bit like I'm stuck in limbo.
Hubby is still not working. Today is the beginning Week 14. He has gone back a couple times, which ended up screwing us for the first two weeks in July. I was concerned that the unemployment wouldn't be enough to get us through, but two weeks without it has really pushed me to stretch our dollars as much as possible. And I feel as though I've cut back on a good amount of my usual expenses. I've had to turn down social invitations because I can't afford to participate. The only "extravagance" that I've continued to shell out dollars for is my hair because it makes me feel good about myself and I'm working hard and I deserve it, damnit.
He doesn't ever want to talk about the lack of work. He doesn't want to talk about looking for a new job because he has faith that he's going to go back full time. He complains that when I pester him about looking for a job, it makes him feel like less of a man. 'What kind of man sits around and doesn't work for 3.5 months?' My response? EFFING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! He doesn't want to hear that either. He says I just don't get it. And maybe I don't, but I agree with one of his regular statements. He's not being much of a man. In more ways than one. Okay, so you're laid off. You're on unemployment. I get it, you don't feel like you're providing financially. I can understand that. But how about some lovin? Oh, no! Your hindered manliness keeps you from getting it on now, too. That's just awesome. Sex twice since you've been laid off? And it's not like I haven't tried. I'm just turned down every time.
I find myself wondering WTF am I doing?
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