B-Wagon

Oh hell.

I got wrapped up in life and forgot to update my blog.  I apologize.  As I will again next time this happens. 

But for now, Melissa has inspired me to come back.  So, let's do the quick recap of what's happened in my life...

November:

• Terrie had a birthday.  We celebrated with friends.  Good times were had.
• Hubby & I did Thanksgiving solo - I made a turkey & fixings and then we went to see a movie.
• My coworker JB informed us that she had been accepted into the LPN program at the local community college and at the beginning of year, she would need to either become part time or leave the company.  Part-time was not available to her, so she helped in the interviewing and hiring process for her replacement.

December

• I received a Christmas card and $200 cash from an 'Anonymous Friend' in the mail.  Over the last few months, I sorta accidentally found out that it was from a coworker.  I sent a thank you card back to the return address (which had no name and was in California), and have let that person remain anonymous.
• I asked for a raise in lieu of the new responsibilities and additional workload that I'd be taking on with JB leaving.  I was denied.  But managers said that they would continue to push Bossman Bob to compensate me for the work I'd be doing.
• Holidays were lovely - had Christmas Day at our house for my mother-in-law & her boyfriend.
• Sang in the Christmas Eve mass with the choir - super long HOT mass, but very nice.
• Joined a...club?  A friend from choir invited me to join a group that she's in that consists of women that live in the area.  They do monthly events, which I've tried to attend at least one of per month.  December was my first time playing Bunco.  LOVED IT!

January

• I turned 29.  Holy hell.  How did that happen??
• JB's replacement was hired and started.  She's older (in her late 40's probably?), but very nice and is getting the hang of things.  I don't see us becoming good friends and going to lunch and getting our makeup done together, but I know we'll be able to work well together.
• JB left for good.  I cried as I walked down to my car that day.  I hate goodbyes.
• I planned a Baby Shower for Terrie with a Gone Fishing theme.  The invitations were handmade and amazing, if I do say so myself.  I had all type of fishy themed things planned, including fish bowl centerpieces with live goldfish on the two main tables.
• My managers continued pushing Bob for my raise and he finally gave in.  Yay!

February

• Terrie's shower was a success!  Everyone enjoyed themselves and I received a ton of compliments on what a nice job I'd done.  If only I could plan parties for a living.  That would really, truly be a dream come true.
• I have a new pet fish.  :-)  One of the two centerpiece fish went home with a guest from the party as a door prize.  The other one was abandoned.  No, really, the other guest who won the second fish had no interest in taking it home.  And I have to admit that I was kinda happy about that.  I wouldn't have minded keeping both of them. 
• You can't have just one fish in a ten-gallon tank, so we got two more.  They all seem to be coexisting happily together.  Freddie, Mortimer & Albert are all different types of goldfish and totally fascinating to me.  I can literally sit in front of the aquarium for over an hour and just watch them swim around.  Ridiculous, I know.

And I think that's about it.  You'll notice there are no updates on Hubby - he's still not working.  And there's still not a chance of a baby in the near future.  One is very dependent on the other, so I just continue to wait....:-P  Life is actually pretty good right now.  I mean, aside from the lack of a job on Hubby's part, things are plugging along.  The new responsibility at work is welcome.  I like having stuff to do for the entire day.  I like being the more experienced one.  I like feeling like a big fish in a small pond.  Always have.

Anyway, that's life for now.  Melissa is doing a fantabulous challenge, which I will be happy to steal and start doing tomorrow.  :-)  I hope that I'm able to get back into the swing of things.  I'm just going to have to figure out how to blog and watch tv at the same time. 

Lost in YouTube...

So, I'm relatively new to the whole YouTube phenomenon. I mean, I've known what it was and occasionally, I would go there if I was looking for something in particular. But I've been spending more time lately just clicking around. There's some really stupid shit. And some really bad stuff. And then there's some really good stuff.

Today, I somehow got the idea to look for karaoke songs. Which led to two hours of me singing one random song after another. Good times. I then started looking up some oldies, but goodies. Fabulous Thunderbirds, Tom Petty and then this gem. I absolutely adore this song. Easily one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time.



It literally brings me to tears everytime. Even if I listen to it two or three times in a row. The one real memory that I have of this song, a guy named Brian requested it at one of our high school dances for his girlfriend, Jenny. Not me and my ex Bryan, but I imagined that it was, as we danced together. That couple isn't together anymore, either. But just the sentiment behind the song does it to me. It's like a fairy tale. And it makes me wonder if there really are men out there that feel this strongly about the women that they love. *sigh*

In other news, the reason that I was able to sing along with my newfounnd karaoke songs in my kitchen tonight is that Hubby is working this week. And he worked last week, too. I'm super excited about that. And what excellent timing. One of my coworkers is getting married down in Peoria this weekend (about a three hour drive from our house), so we're getting a hotel room and getting sloshed. Should be good times getting drunky with some of my current and past coworkers. I found out today that the groom-to-be was kind enough to not seat me and O.B. at the same table. He'll be at the other table of current and former coworkers. I'm also going to get my HURR DID on Wednesday. I'm getting the same color that I've been getting for a while (a dark brown all over and super dark purplish lowlights). But I'm getting a "gloss" on top of that. Which is supposed to make it super duper shiny for a longer time. And she's got some coupon code that's gonna make the gloss free! Woot! Love FREE!

I'm very excited about getting out of the house with Hubby for the weekend. And I'm excited about getting to dress up. And spend some time with my coworkers outside of work. I wish JB was coming, but her little one will only be a month old on Friday, so she's decided to stay home. Probably a good call. :-) Anyway...That's all for now. Hubby will be home shortly and I really should be getting bed. I hope everyone is doing well!

One month is better than two

Hello Friends!

Yes, I've let another month slip by without updating my lil ol' blog. I spent some time spiffing it up today. You like that, don't you??? :-)

I promise to try to be a bit more positive today than I was last time I posted. For the most part, things haven't really changed.

Hubby is still not working. He has been laid off for over four months now. We got a major wake up call a couple weeks ago, when we got a letter from the bank, stating that our mortgage was about to go up by about 30%. Long story short, our escrow was short when they paid our taxes this year because our taxes went up an enormous amount, so we're making up for that, plus putting in extra so it doesn't happen again next year. Unfortunately for us, we don't have an extra 30% of our mortgage just laying around. We've cut costs about as much as we possibly can. The next step will be to shut off our phones, which I'm really hoping we don't have to do. My dad has been very generous and has offered to give us a monthly loan, as needed. Which is great, but for God's sake. I'm almost 30. I'd love to get to the point where I don't have to ask my dad for money all the time!

The good part of this realization, though, is that Hubby has started applying for jobs and has even gone on a couple interviews. His last one was this past Monday. The job seemed to be a good fit for him and he thought that it went very well. The HR guy that he interviewed with said that he would schedule an interview for Hubs to talk with the floor manager and that he'd be in touch. We still haven't heard anything, though. Hubby tried calling to talk to the HR guy on Wednesday, but he wasn't in. So, that's about where it all stands. No further communication. I think it's going to be time to start doing some more applications this weekend.

Still no baby. No real progress on that. Perhaps now is not the time to really be pushing that, since we can barely afford to support ourselves, let alone bring a baby into the situation.

Things have been crazy at work lately. My friend JB just had her baby this week. A beautiful little girl. So this means that everything that she and I usually do together, will be all my responsibility. I'm tempted to ask for a raise, but due to other circumstances, I'm very hesitant. About a week ago, one of our main programmers - the guy that knows everything and does everything and is the go-to guy for EVERYTHING - let us know that he has decided to take a position with another company. This will be an incredibly BIG hit to our team. Everyone has been trying to convince the poor guy that he should stay. They've gotten the big-bossman on board and have offered this employee everything that he said were reasons for wanting to leave, but he seems to have made his mind up. He's been with the company for 15 years and I think it's just gotten to be too much. While he is that go-to guy, with that comes a lot of work. He works harder and longer than anyone else in the office. He takes on more tasks and is constantly being pulled in 7 different directions. I can completely understand. I think there's probably a lot of pressure coming from his wife at home, as well. So, this programmer has one more week with us.

In all of the craziness of trying to convince him to stay, the team decided to let another programmer go. This guy is new to our team, been with us for only a few months. But he's been very slow to catch on and just hasn't seemed to really fit with the rest of the team. I think a large part of that is a language barrier. He's Chinese and on more than one occasion, I saw him translating things online from English to Chinese and vice versa. I don't think anyone else really knew that because after he'd left and they were starting to prep his laptop for someone else to use, they found that just about everything on the computer (all of the programs, etc) were in Chinese.

Finally, to make up for the new guy and the go-to guy leaving, they've brought back an ex-employee who left five years ago to be home with her two sons. Both of her boys are in school now, so it seems that it was the perfect opportunity for her to come back to work. It's nice that she has some knowledge of our software and that she isn't brand new, but five years is a lot of time to catch up on. There have been countless changes to the software that she will have to learn about. She's been back to the office a few times since I've been with the company and every time, she introduces herself to me as if we've never met. And then proceeds to ignore me while she chats it up with all her old pals. She started working on Thursday and after she shook my hand again, telling me her name, I was half expecting her to do it again on Friday. But no, she finally remembered me.

I don't really have any feelings either way about her. Over the years, as she ignored my presence, I was a little peeved that she couldn't just include me in conversation or ask about me. But whatever, she was there to see her old coworkers, and I was not one of them. So that's cool. She's kept to herself over the last few days. Just asking questions when need be. The thing that I am most unhappy about with her coming back is that the office boss (OB) decided to give up his desk so that she could be in a more central location in the room. Unfortunately for me, that means that OB has taken up residence beside me. I feel as though he's looking over my shoulder all the time. He is a major micro-manager and I was annoyed by him when he was on the other side of the room. Now, he is in my space. So, because I need to get all of my issues with him out of the way, here is a list of all of the reasons why OB irritates me:
1. He's loud. As in using his outdoor voice when he should be using his indoor voice.
2. He has a tendency to smell. When it gets warm in the office, he has a distinct odor of cat urine. Even though he doesn't have any cats.
3. He is messy. Not just clutter mess, but dirty mess. His keyboard and mouse look like they need to be disinfected. And the mess isn't just on his desk. It spreads. The credenza that is behind us, where I used to keep a blanket and my laptop bag, has been taken over. As he moved all his shit over on Wednesday afternoon, he jokingly said to me 'We're going to have to fight it out for credenza space.' Fight it out my ass! He picked up my things and moved them to a bookshelf on the other side of my desk, blocking the white board where we write pertinent information. Which he never looks at. Obviously. So, I picked my shit up and stuffed it inside the credenza with some of my other belongings. Hopefully, he doesn't feel the need to put shit inside there, too.
4. He is snarky. He gets this chip on his shoulder sometimes and I just want to throw a fucking stapler at him. I suppose I've got a much better chance of hitting him now.
5. He talks to himself. When he's not yelling across the room or into the phone, and he's actually trying to do some work, he mumbles to himself. Just loud enough to disrupt me.
6. He walks heavily...We're on the 8th floor, so when people walk around, the floor sorta wobbles a little. But when OB walks around, I swear the floor is going to cave in. And he's constantly meandering around. He can never seem to just sit still. Dude, either go over there and do whatever it is that you think you need to do or sit the fuck down. You are distracting me!
7. He butts into conversations on the regular. I can't wait for JB to come back and she and I will be having a chit chat and he's gotta put his two cents in. I feel like saying to him 'Hey! We're not talking to you. Butt the fuck out!' I also feel like I'm going to have to take personal calls out in the hallway now. Before, if Hubby would call to just say hey or something, I didn't have a problem taking the call at my desk. But I feel like if I talk on the phone with OB next to me, he's going to be listening.

I'm quite positive that there are other reasons that having OB as my neighbor is going to suck. But for now, this is what I've got.

Anyway, work is going to be very interesting as all of these changes play out.

All my fall shows are starting. As of right now, I have 45 shows that I'll be at the very least watching the first couple episodes of. Some of these 45 are at the end of the season, most are just about to begin. I just finished watching the first season of Persons Unknown. I was immediately sucked in! I think I downloaded the first episode on Tuesday or Wednesday and I've watched the whole season already. Granted, it was only 13 episodes, but I really enjoyed it. I definitely hope that they're planning on bringing it back for another season.

I think that's all I have for today.

Pretty Sure I'm Losing My Mind...

I want to apologize up front for the bitching and moaning that are to come...I needed an outlet and what better way to vent than to update my otherwise quiet blog with irritated ranting. If you're not in the mood, please, move along. I won't be madatcha.

So, within a matter of days of my last uber-positive post, things sorta fell apart. The little red sister arrived, which was disappointing. I was a week late and was so excited that my body was tricking itself into all-day morning sickness. So there's that. And the same day that that little bitch arrived, Hubby was laid off from work. It's been over a month now and I'm starting to come unhinged.

The layoff was not due to anything he did. He was just next in line. He works for a company that prints and cuts labels - soup can labels, paint can labels, juice bottle labels. His job is to take the large, printed sheets and cut them down to specific sized labels. He belongs to a union and when he got this job, I believed that the union was going to be a great thing. Turns out that unions, and the politics associated with them, can really be a pain in the neck.

Another department at his company has been in negotiations with the company for months on their contract. For one reason or another, they just won't agree to the contracts that the company is offering to them. And each time a new offer is put together, it's a long process. As a way of proving to the company that everything they've stipulated is necessary, this department has slowed its production to a near standstill. They're putting out as little product as they can, which results in next to nothing for Hubby's department.

There have been other cutters laid off prior to Hubby, and we've just thanked our lucky stars that he wasn't included in the lay off, but this time, we weren't so lucky. He's been told that once production picks back up, he will get a call to come back to work. He trusts in that and has been collecting unemployment, and intends to continue to do so, until he gets that call. He has the highest seniority of all the folks on the callback list, so he's at the top of the list. His wife, however, is not so confident.

Who knows how long it's going to take to get this contract signed? It's already been months! Who's to say it won't take another 6 or 9 or 12 months before they can all come to an agreement??? He told me that he feels a "loyalty" to this company. That he doesn't want to go work for someone else because he likes the people that he works with, he gets along with the big boss, he makes good money and has good benefits... It's already been almost 5 weeks that he's been off work.

Here's the part where I really start bitching...:-P

He has no desire to even START LOOKING for a new job until he's been laid off for four months. That was the amount of time he told me that he'd be willing to wait. So, whether I like it or not, he's taking that summer vacation that I swore he wouldn't do this time around. And what does he do while he's not working? NOT A GD THING! He plays WoW from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. He pauses here and there to do things like: go to the kitchen and make a sandwich for lunch, go to the kitchen and unload the dishwasher - after I've called and had to ask him to do this, and stop in the kitchen to pick up the dinner that I made after I worked all day and then drove home for an hour. I think I'd have a less difficult time dealing with this layoff if he did something productive while he was home. Pick up around the house. Get started on one of the many projects you talk about doing. Make dinner. ANYTHING!

I was aggravated when I got home last night and nothing had been done. He couldn't even manage to certify with unemployment without my reminding him. Really?? Your brain is THAT taxed that you can't remember to do the one little 10 second thing that you have to do to earn your 2 weeks' pay? SERIOUSLY?!?!?!!?????

His game is down for maintenance today. He swore he was going to do some work around the house, since he couldn't play all day. I didn't want to shit on him, but honestly, I will believe that when I see it. I think he'll maybe do a load of laundry, which I'll have to fluff and fold when I get home. And perhaps he'll do a half assed job of emptying the dishwasher, since he "doesn't know where certain things go"... And then he'll probably create a new character on the game on a different server that ISN"T having maintenance today because that's what all the rest of his lame ass friends are doing today.

I can't stand it. Get off your ass, Buddy! Do some work! Look for a job! Do something to make your wife not bitch about you right now!!! That's all I can do right now. Every conversation I have is somehow centered around the fact that I don't have money to spend (because, sue me, that's what I enjoy doing...Whether it's on food or makeup or getting my hair done or *gasp* paying the effing bills) or my husband is a jackass and I'm fed up to my ears with it!!!

He hasn't left the house since Mother's Day. And the only reason he's breaking that record this weekend is because his mother would murder him if he didn't show up.

But what can I do? I can't force him to look for a job. I can't make him be more helpful at home. Sure, I could get angry and yell and tell him he sucks at life right now. But what will that accomplish? I'll tell you what would happen if I did that - he'd backtalk his way out of it, make me feel guilty for making him feel like "less of a man" and then he'd storm off to his cave and we'd continue on for the next 11 and a half weeks the same way we have been for the last 5. I wish to God that I could change him...

There's a country song, 'The Man I Want to Be,' that says everything I wish he would say and feel. I wish he could get to that point where he realizes that he acts like a selfish child 90% of the time. And I wish that he had the desire to change.

Okay...I think I got it out of my system. Until someone asks me how I'm doing. At which point, I will provide them with far more information than they ever wanted when they were simply being polite and hoping for a polite 'Fine, thanks,' in return.

It's all turning up roses...

I was chatting with a friend yesterday online, and she was asking how I'm doing...Asked about work and the house and the baby making and life in general. And I couldn't help but gush. Everything is really good right now. And as I'm prone to do, I keep waiting for the shit to hit the fan. But so far, so good.

I feel like my relationship with Hubby has really taken a huge step in the right direction. We're getting along well, we spend time together on the weekend, he's been acting right and overall, I'm just happy with the way things are going with us.

The house is great, and although it's never as clean as it could be, it's clean enough. :-) I planted some pretty flowers yesterday while Hubby mowed the lawn. I made an excellent dinner and I'm really proud that my cooking skills are constantly improving. I think for a while, I was more concerned with finding a new dish every time I cooked. But I'm starting to learn that it's not always about newer, but it's about perfecting the things that you like. It's always been a challenge to find meals that I could make that don't come frozen in a box that Hubby would enjoy. I've got about 5 different meals that I can make for him that I know will get good reviews. It's definitely time to start looking for a 6th to put into the mix.

Babymaking is going well. Hubby IS ON BOARD. We made a good, solid effort this month and I'm still waiting to find out if it worked. Aunt Flo was supposed to arrive on Friday, and there's no signs that she's on her way. But I'm hesitant to get excited. This isn't the first time I've been a few days late and I really just don't want to crush that hope quite yet. I haven't taken a test yet. I feel like jumping the gun will jinx it. I know how absolutely silly that is. I know that if I am pregnant, taking a test now as opposed to next weekend isn't going to change the outcome. But...I dunno... I've been saying prayers that are supposed to help concieve and praying to the patron saint of pregnany (St. Gerard) and just wishing & hoping real hard. :-)

In other news, I started making a new friend in the choir. Her name is Kimberly and she seems very nice. She's probably about my age and sits next to me in rehearsal & mass. Last week, at rehearsal, we got a chance to talk a bit and get to know one another. I hate that I'm shy when first meeting a person. Not that when prompted, I don't answer. Just that I can't get it together to strike up the conversation. If you start it, I promise, I'll chat your ear off. It'll be nice to make a new friend that actually lives nearby. My BFF is really my only friend that lives within 45 minutes of my house, so it'll be cool to have another person to hang out with, assuming it gets to that point.

Anyway, life is good. I hope that it stays this way. I hope that life continues to go in the positive direction that it has been. :-)

A little of this and a little of that

It wasn't a fluke!

We had another really nice weekend! I made French toast for breakfast on Saturday, we watched some tv together and did some yardwork together. Hubby came down to the kitchen and ate dinner with me. Sunday, after church, we grilled burgers & brats for lunch, relaxed together for the afternoon and then I went to dinner with some of my favorite girls.

I'm looking forward to the weekend again, not just because I won't be working, but because I'll be able to spend time with Hubby! What a complete 180!!! And he seems to be pretty content, as well. I feel like he's a different person. I don't know if it was that he heard my unhappiness and finally felt like it was time to do something about it. Or perhaps it's directly related to the lack of green. I don't know what exactly to attribute the change to, but I'm really encouraged. Two weeks in a row and things are still good. We're both putting forth an effort to make one another happy. And it's really nice!!!

Yesterday was Opa's 88th birthday. At the last minute, I decided to take off of work a couple hours early and visit the cemetary with Omi. She didn't want to stay for very long. I can understand that, but I would have liked to stay longer. Now I know where he is, though, so I can go see him on my own and stay longer if I choose. Omi and I are both very emotional people, so once one of us starts getting choked up, the other is sure to follow. Definitely, next time I'm down there, I'll go see him and have a little chat on my own.

I contacted JB's tattoo artist about the piece that I want to get. It's not going to be cheap. He said it'll probably take more than one session and each session is $250 (3-4 hours, depending on how much I can take) or $100/hour. So, it could be anywhere from $350-500. But he sounded really stoked about the idea. I told him that I'll have to book the appointment a couple months out, so that I can save up the money. I'm hoping by late June, I can do the first session. Hubby isn't totally thrilled about the idea - he'd like to see me spend the money elsewhere - but he has said that he isn't going to tell me I can't do it. He's probably right. It would be more responsible to spend the money on something more practical, like a storm door for our front door or make a larger dent in our credit card debt. But it's important to me to do this in memory of Opa. I don't want to wait forever for it, ya know? I've set aside $50, so I'm that much closer!

I have my first choir practice tomorrow! The director called me last week and invited me to come to rehearsal. I did go up and introduce myself to him this Sunday. He seems very nice. I can't wait to start singing in a choir again. I'm so super excited about it!!! Last week, I went to the youth ministry adult planning meeting. They do so many different activities and events for the teens in the parish. I'm really excited to get involved with them, as well.

I can't believe how quickly the summer starts filling up with plans! I'm planning a camping trip in June with some of my girlfriends, Hubby & I are going to take a vacation in July (He even suggested getting on a PLANE to go somewhere...This is HUGE!!!!), some of the girls & I are planning a "hookie" day in August, September is my 10 year high school reunion (holy crap!), October is a coworker's wedding and November is a sorority sister's wedding. Today is only April 14th! I can only imagine how many other things are going to fill up this summer. I'm SO excited!

Best. Weekend. Ever.

Okay, maybe not ever, but it really was a nice weekend. And I had every intention of telling everyone all about it yesterday and then stupid work got out of hand. I was actually required to focus on my job. :-P

Oh, but today is another story. I have the time to tell you all about my fantastic weekend today!

It started with Friday...I decided to take a half day on Friday. Initially, I thought we were going to have my mother-in-law over for Easter dinner this past weekend, and I wanted to make sure that I gave myself plenty of time for cleaning, shopping, cooking, etc. Then Hubby decided that he didn't want to do all that work (Pfft...Yeah, like he'd really be doing the work...), so we decided that we'd join the rest of the family at his aunt's house for the holiday. But I'd already requested the afternoon off, so I wasn't about to reneg on that.

So, I took the afternoon and did some shoe shopping!! I've really wanted to get some cute flats - something with a print, like a zebra or leopard print. Or some funky color. I'd bought some super cute ones from Kohl's the weekend before, but didn't try them on until I got home and found that they didn't fit. So, I returned those and then headed out to Shoe Carnival. I tried on probably 20 different shoes. They were all either too big or too small or not wide enough. I finally found a cute pair of silver flats. They weren't exactly what I'd had in mind, but they were close enough.

After shopping for like 3 hours (how the hell does the time go so quickly????), I finally headed home, made myself a tasty dinner and got ready to... Wait for it... GO OUT! My BFF has made some friends in her new town and she invited me to hang out with them on Friday night. We called another one of our girlfriends and she actually came out with us, too. I have to admit, I have a minor crush on one of BFF's buddies, so that's always fun. Last time I went out with all of them, I had a good time, but when you have to drive 30 minutes home, it's a bit restricting. So, I asked Hubby, if I could find a ride out to the bar, would he come pick me up. At first, there was some resistance, but he eventually said he would come get me. Even if it meant he had to go home for a while and then come back out to get me.

So BFF came out to get me and we hung out with all her people. It was a great time. Her friends are all very nice; a lot of fun! They convinced me, after quite a few shots, to sing at karaoke, which was alright. I get super nervous singing in front of people. I get all shaky and my voice sorta dies. But I think I did alright. Everyone said what a nice job I did, but I'm a firm believer that what people say and what they mean can be very different things. Hubby came to get me and, to my amazement, came in the bar and met everyone. I later found out that if I'd asked, he would have stayed and hung out for another hour until the bar closed. But I was ready to go. There was a minor amount of drama with BFF and her boyfriend, and I was kinda bored by that point. And I was really happy that Hubby was being so...social!!

We went home and had ourselves a nice, halfway drunken time. :-)

Saturday, we slept in and then spent most of the day (IN THE SAME ROOM!!!), watching tv together. I made tacos for dinner and a carrot cake for Sunday dinner. It was a very nice day, just spent relaxing together.

Sunday, I went to Easter mass. Boy, was it crowded!!! I'm so glad that I remembered about the twice a year Catholics! I got there early enough to find a seat close to the choir. Next week, I intend to go and talk to the choir director after mass and ask him about joining. I've been putting it off because of my stupid shyness, but this is really the reason that I chose this church. I was so impressed with the choir and really want to be a part of it, I need to just get the guts up to introduce myself and ask about joining! So, the plan is to talk with him this Sunday. Say a little prayer for me for some courage, would ya? :-)

After mass, I came home and woke up Hubby. We got ready and went off to his aunt's house for dinner. Both of her kids (our age) and their kids were there. As were my mother-in-law & her boyfriend and Hubby's other aunt & uncle. It was a very full house, but it was really nice. Highlights of the day:

• Four year old Maddie told me that I look like Hannah Montana with glasses. Thanks, Kid! Now if only I could fit into Hannah Montana's clothes!
• Aunt Laura & Maddie's conversation about how Aunt Laura lost one of her fingers:
• Aunt Laura - I was driving and there was a deer in the road.
• Maddie - And he bit it off???
• Watching Hubby take care of Maddie's 9 month old brother while their parents ran to the store for a while. Everyone kept telling how good he looked with a baby on his lap.

We got home around 8 and watched a movie together before I headed to bed. Nothing extraordinary happened this weekend, but it was so nice. Hubby decided on Friday that he wasn't going to buy a bag of green, that he's ready to be done with it, so I was really expecting a grumpy, mean asshole. But he completely surprised me. He was super sweet and we had a great weekend together. I definitely didn't think that he heard me the week before, when I complained that we never spent time together. That I was lonely and hated feeling like we were just coexisting in the same space. And then he shows me that he really DID hear me!!! What a nice surprise!!!

He hears me...

But I don't know if he understands me.

Each weekend seems to be a different "discussion." Last weekend, it was the baby discussion. I really tried to stress to him how important this is to me. That the whole baby making process is not going to be easy for us. We're both overweight and quickly heading to our 30's. Now is the time.

Hubby talks a lot about "CJ." CJ is what we will name our first son. Hubby talks about him on a regular, probably daily, basis. Things that we will and won't do with/for/to him. But there's this huge issue...In order for CJ to come to fruition, we have to have sex. And recently, Hubby has decided that sex is too much like "work" to be bothered. He basically said he can get the same end result in 5 minutes time, without having to get all sweaty and tired. Dude, really? Way to make your wife feel good about herself. I tried to talk about the whole thing with him. He says he agrees, now is the time. But I don't see him making any efforts to change things.

So, this weekend, the "discussion" was about spending time together. I feel like I have a roommate, not a husband. He sits upstairs, playing video games and doing whatever he's doing all weekend. I go downstairs and watch tv and cook and clean and go out for this reason or that reason. When he's hungry, he comes down to the kitchen, finds some food and takes it all back up to the office with him. Now that he's working 2nd shift, he stays up later than I do and sleeps later than I do.

Yesterday, I told him that I would like for us to spend some quality time together. I tried explaining to him that just because we're in the house together at the same time, that doesn't make it time spent together. I tried to tell him that sleeping next to one another doesn't count. I told him that I don't like feeling like we just exist in the same place. I told him I'm not happy about it. That I feel like at the very least, he should be able to pull himself away from the game and eat a meal with me. I cook the dinner and he comes and gets a plate and then takes it back upstairs. I'm left to clean everything up and eat alone. It just sucks. I feel like it shouldn't be this way. His response is that this is how his parents were. He tries to tell me that my parents & grandparents didn't have "quality" time together, either. That they all did their own thing. Yes, you do your own things, but then at some point, you get together and enjoy one another's company. I mean, otherwise, what the hell is the point? He doesn't see a problem with it. He thinks that this is perfectly normal and okay and I'm supposed to "outgrow" this need for anything more than cohabitation.

He thinks the problem is that I need him to give more attention. And he's right. But he doesn't give it to me in the way that I want and need. He thinks wrestling with me for ten minutes before going to sleep counts as paying attention to me. He thinks waking me up when he gets home (an hour or two after I've already gone to sleep) and talking at me about his day for a half hour is enough.

He wasn't always this way...We used to do things. We used to go places together. See a movie, go out for dinner, go camping, drive around, watch tv, play games. Now, it's like we have nothing in common anymore. I try to suggest things that we could do together, and he shoots each one of them down.

I just keep asking myself, What are we doing? What are we waiting for? What am I waiting for?

Two Nights in a Row?

Sometimes I like to share my dreams with you...Once upon a time, Melissa and I were going to dream interpretations as a science fair project. We were convinced by our teacher that it wasn't the best idea, so we never did it, but I've always been fascinated by dreams and what they mean, if anything.

Occasionally, I'll have a dream of a hunky guy wanting to love me. Or of a bad guy trying to break into my home. The other night, I dreamt I was on a school bus, on a super busy road and there was an accident up ahead. The driver didn't react quickly enough, and he lost control of the bus. He warned us to brace ourselves and in the dream, I immediately started saying the 'Our Father.' I said it loudly to drown out the sounds of panic around me and as I was saying the prayer, it was almost like I was in some Heavenly state...I think I thought that I was dying in the dream. Anyway, I woke up in a panic. It seems that whenever I have a "bad dream," I startle myself awake. And then I'm immediately freaked out that it was something in real life that startled me. My immeditae fear is that someone's in the house. So, I lay there silently, not moving. Waiting to see if I hear something again. If the cats are nearby, I'll look to them to gauge myself. If they're not freaked out, I can generally assume that things are okay.

Anyway, after having the bus dream, I went back to sleep and had another dream that started out quite pleasant. I was at a mall or something, and I'm hanging out with Sawyer from Lost.

Let me just go on a bit of a tangent here... he is the most gorgeous man alive...Those dimples and the body and the voice...holy hell...He is my picture of excellence. Rough and tough on the outside, southern accent, comedic value. And then on the inside, total heart of gold. He's a little damaged, but who the hell cares? I want to love him. And I'm so super sad that after this season of Lost, my dear beautiful Sawyer will cease to exist. Josh Holloway, you better find an equally wonderful, regular role on a show where I can adore you some more. /tangent

So, me and Sawyer, we're chillin at the book store or something. And he turns to me and looks into my eyes and asks me if I'll go out for ice cream with him. Um, hello? You're Sawyer! Of course, I will. We set up a date and I go home to deal with everyday life with Hubby. And then some "friend" of mine calls me from the bookstore - she's there with Sawyer now - and she tells me that I shouldn't go on this date. How could I cheat on my husband? This isn't right. She's begging me not to go. In response, I tell her to go pound sand. This is the man of my dreams. I am NOT turning him down, no matter what!! Then, while she still has me on the phone, she turns to Sawyer and says 'I'll pay you $xx not to do this.' I'm furious with her! And while this is all going on over the phone, as I put a dish in the sink, I notice something leaking from the ceiling. I look up, just in time to watch like a bucket full of liquid bust through the ceiling into the kitchen. I'm no longer on the phone, and now I'm shouting up to Hubby to bring his ass downstairs and, as usual, he tells me 'I'm playing the game right now. I can't come down there at this minute.' And then I wake up.

So...Basically, Mr. Hotness wants me. There's some guilt about screwing around on Hubby. And then the house gets damaged.

I had another dream tonight that followed a very similar pattern, but wasn't quite the same.

Sawyer was at my house this time. Doing things to me & with me that I will not go into detail about. A girl has to keep some things to herself. ;-) Anyway, we have ourselves a nice time and then his personality transforms...He's no longer the southern charmer that I've grown to love, but he becomes Hubby in Sawyer's body. Essentially, he becomes a bit of an asshole. I roll my eyes and go into the bathroom to pee, and find that a hole has been punched through the bathroom wall and another hole in the bathroom floor. I ask him what happened and he gives me some bullshit excuse, like he can't be bothered with it.

What the hell does this mean???

I dunno, I'll take the damages to my house if I can get some serious loving from Sawyer. Sometimes, you have to compromise, ya know? :-)

Hello, Friends!

Well, it seems that things at work have slowed down for a moment. I'm sure I could be testing something or investigating some bug or something productive like that, but I'm just not feeling it today. As much as I complain when it's busy, the time sure does go by much more quickly than it does when there's nothing to do. I've been watching the clock all day. One more hour to go. I keep asking myself what could I do to pass the time. Decided a post to catch everyone up on me would be a good start. :-)

I finally decided on a church. I've been going to St. Catherine's since the end of January. A couple weeks ago, I decided that while it's not aesthetically what I had in mind, they have a fantastic choir and I find myself becoming comfortable there. So, I called and registered as a parishioner. The woman that I spoke with tried to convince me that I should go to one of the churches that are closer to me, but I told her that I'd been to mass at both and prefer St. Catherine's. You'd think they'd be glad to get the additional income, however small it may be, right? I dunno. Apparently, you're supposed to stay with your most local parish. I said no and she went ahead an took my info. Al most two weeks later, I received a welcome letter (which also mentioned that I live too far away and should I try to register my hypothetical children to go to school there, the children that live closer would get preference. Good thing there are no school age children in my house, huh?), along with my tithing envelopes and a book that has a number of prayers and Catholic traditions explained in it. I went to mass Saturday afternoon and, of course, forgot my envelope. Oh well, next week, they'll know that I'm making my contribution.

A couple weeks ago, I got a pretty nasty cold from the girl that waxed my eyebrows. It's been fun. Started with congestion and a sore throat. Progressed into PINK EYE...In BOTH eyes... That has gone away, and now I'm back to being stuffy and the cough has begun its course. It's really been a joy. And my husband swears that he's a doctor without the education (or the paycheck). He always has suggestions of what's going to make me feel better. Tells me not to take this or to take that. He always has the answers, ya know? :-P I just nod and roll my eyes after he goes away.

Speaking of Hubby, he's permanantly back on 3rd shift. Two weeks ago, his boss asked him to work 3rd for a week and a half. Today, he was supposed to go back to 1st. Then Hubby comes home from work last Thursday and tells me that he's on 3rd for good. I'm so bummed! I really liked having him on 1st shift. Not that we spent a lot of time together, but it was nice to not be alone at night. And we'd eat dinner together a few times a week. And I'd get to go to bed good and early, since he had to get up at 4:30, he was in bed by 8:30 every night. It's not just the weeknights, either. The weekends are funky because he doesn't like to get his schedule out of whack. So he stays up most of the night and then naps during the day all weekend. Stinks! However, I'm not complaining because at least he still has a job!

The future of my job is still up in the air. The deal is now supposed to be done at the end of April. It keeps on getting extended. Which is just fine with me. The longer it drags out, the longer things stay the same. Perhaps that's a bad attitude to have, but I just feel like I have more security this way. I have updated my resume, but I haven't sent it to anyone or applied anywhere, yet. I am just terrified of the whole interviewing process. Ack.

I have an appointment to finally have my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday. It was supposed to happen Tuesday of last week, but I had the stink eye and they made it very clear that I was not to come in if I had a cough or cold of any kind. I'm hoping that everything's broken up and I'm doing better by Thursday afternoon. If not, I'll have to reschedule again. Yes, I'm super scared about it. But I just want to get it over and done with. Have a few days of drug-induced stupor, eating mashed potatoes, pudding & sorbet...And then get on with my life. Rather than having this scary-ass "surgery" looming in the future. I have put it off long enough. I had a week or two there where I was in a lot of pain. Something must have gotten knocked aloose and the broken tooth was really being a bitch. That pain has since gone away, so that's good. But I can't delay the inevitable much longer. Besides, I won't have dental anymore after this deal goes through at work, so the sooner, the better.

Valentine's Day weekend was my sorority formal. A handful of my girlfriends and I decided to leave our men at home. It was nice to not have to keep my husband entertained for the night, but it was also a bit of a bummer because I had to drive BFF & me back home. She didn't drink and would've been fine to drive us home, but when there aren't any men to drive us home, the women all have to be responsible. It's no fun to get drunk when no one else is, ya know? But it was nice to have dinner and dance with the girls. I was super excited about my dress up until I got there and saw what everyone else had worn. My dress was pretty simple - bright turquoise, long, spaghetti straps with a little beading in a starburst kind of pattern that started on my hip. But everyone else had more like cocktail dresses...less like prom dresses. If I go next year, I'll definitely take that into account when shopping. I felt a bit out of place. There were a few girls with long dresses like mine, but we were definitely the minority. So...For your viewing pleasure, here are some pics from the dance. Please excuse my hair...It was flipping hot in that place and my bangs were washed that morning...They didn't last very long. :-P

Me & BFF @ my house before we left. We did NOT plan to have matching dresses. I convinced her to go with me a week before the dance and she borrowed the dress from her sister. What can I say, the girl has great taste!!

Black & Blue! :-)

Some Alumni Ladies

Just a few of the Girls

All I have to do...

...is dreeeeeammm...Dream, dream, dream...

I have a question for all of you in long term relationships...Do you dream about your significant other? It can be in a sexy way, or not.

For the last couple weeks, I've been dreaming of a different man every night. And the only night that Hubby was actually in my dreams, I was pissed at him for something.

I can't remember ever having had a hot, steamy dream (or even just a mildly romantic one) about Hubby. After dreaming of another man, I wake up feeling a bit guilty, like I've done something wrong in real life. And then all day, I think about that guy. Lately, the dreams have been of actual people that I've known in some point in my life. People that I may or may not have had a crush on.

I just wonder, is it strange that I don't dream about Hubby?

I'm at about 50%...

I always end up all over the place in these posts...I have so much to say, and just want to tell you everything! Perhaps if I posted more than once every two weeks, I wouldn't feel the need to jam it all into one post. Oh well. I do. Get over it. :-)

In one of my more recent posts, I discussed resolutions. I've been doing quite well with the church one. I've gone to mass every weekend since the beginning of the year. Granted, that's only three weeks, but it's 2 more weeks than the last time I thought I was ready to go back. And frankly, I don't see myself slacking on this one. I feel really good about it. That first Sunday, I went back to St. Charles Borromeo (SCB), the church that sort of reminds me of my old "home." It's about the same size and probably about the same age. They've got a choir (which is very important to me - I NEED to get back singing) and it's the closest. But I wanted to check out some of the other churches in the area, to make sure that I find the one that is right for me.

So, for the last two weeks, I attended mass at St. Mary's. I don't think I've ever seen a Catholic church this big. When I pulled into the parking lot, I literally out-loud, to myself, exclaimed 'Holy Crap!' It looked enormous to me. Inside is beautiful. Very, very large. It was built in 2001, so it has these modern-ish features. I don't know if I'd ever be comfortable in a parish that is so enormous. I've always enjoyed being a part of small things - small church, small(ish) high school, small colleges, small company. It does seem like St. Mary's has a lot to offer, including a choir (and a youth group that is looking for adult volunteers!). But I have to admit, I feel a bit overwhelmed there. And to be perfectly honest, the pews are really uncomfortable. lol They're low to the ground, and I find it near impossible to kneel on the kneelers. Maybe a silly con, but a con still.

This coming weekend and the week after, I'm planning on going to St. Catherine's, which a bit further (maybe 15 or 20 minutes from home), but I've heard a lot of good things about it. My aunt/uncle/cousins live in the area, so I asked for some suggestions. My aunt and cousin highly suggested this one, saying that they have a nice choir, youth programs, and while it's not a small church by any stretch, it's not as gigantic as St. Mary's. One of my coworkers told me that this is the church that she grew up going to and says that she likes it much more than SCB, where she had her children baptized. I'm really excited to go to mass at St. Catherine's on Sunday. I'm hoping that this one will be the perfect fit for me.

My second resolution - keeping better track of my sugar levels - is going okay. I'm testing at least once a day (supposed to do twice a day). I'm often surprised to see how high it is. Especially in the morning. I guess knowing is part of the battle, though. If I know it's high, I can be better prepared to combat it.

My final resolution - the same one that I have had every year since I was probably 9 - is stagnant. I just don't have motivation. I'm not hashing this out again. I'm just sayin...1.5 out of 3 isn't too bad, right? :-/

In other news, my birthday was a week ago today. It was really a fantabulous birthday! Seriously, best birthday in years. I must have gotten about 200 emails/facebook posts/blogs wishing me a happy birthday. I spent some extra time that morning and curled my hair, wore my favorite sweater and was ready for a happy day. Hubby texted me and told me to get home by 4, so that we could go to dinner. I got to work and my coworkers had decorated my desk (it's a tradition to do this, and usually I'm the one in charge of remembering bdays and buying a card & balloon). They got me the COOLEST balloon! It's bigger than your standard mylar balloon and it's clear! (I used to collect balloons in high school...Yeah, I'm an oddity of sorts...) I got to leave work a bit early, so I did a bit of shopping. Then went to dinner at Olive Garden with the Hubs. It was really a great day. It doesn't take much.

I spent a good part of Saturday working on my resume. I've finally decided to stop being passive about the whole situation and hoping that it gets better. I sent it to my dad, who gave me some suggestions on improving it, so I'm intending to update it later this week and perhaps start applying for some job openings next week. I'm nervous about it, but I need to at least see what's out there.

Today is 4 months since Opa passed. I still get choked up (and usually in tears) on a pretty regular basis. Songs do it for me a lot of the time. My birthday was kinda tough. But I guess I'm doing better. I talk to him a lot. Especially when I got teary eyed. I do feel his presence and I know he's always listening. So I take those moments to tell him how much I miss him and love him.

Hubby asked to go back to 2nd shift yesterday. He thinks his 1st shift boss is out to get him. I don't know what to think. He has a bad track record with authority figures (as in he pisses off his boss for some stupid shit and gets fired...), so if he thinks the boss might be heading down that road, then I'm supportive of the 2nd shift. I was really liking him on 1st, though. It's nice to spend time with him before bed. And to actually sleep with him at night. And to wake up together. I told him that I would've liked him to stay on 1st, but not if it means that he's going to end up without a job!

I think that's all I've got on news...I may be posting a meme next...We'll see. I really should be working right now. But I'm at a bit of a standstill with work tasks, so meme-ing sounds a lot more interesting. :-)

Christmas Just Isn't What It Used to Be, and then some

Today was Christmas at my parents' house. It was not the best holiday gathering...Not a bad one, just a definite sense of sadness in the air. Hubby and I sat in the living room, chatting with my dad for a bit when we first arrived. After while, he helped her out of bed and we all sat by the Christmas tree, opening our gifts. We all tried to remain light hearted, but Omi was definitely having a difficult time. Little things set her off, and seeing the pain that she was feeling, just made my heart ache.

The last gift that was exchanged was a teeny, tiny little Cardinal ornament from my dad to my mom. My mom and grandparents are pretty avid bird watchers. Opa did everything that he could think of to set up bird feeders where my mom could see the birds from inside the house. He used to call cardinals 'Jose,' after a Cubs player from the 70's whose name was Jose Cardenal. As Omi unwrapped the ornament for my mom, she said 'Look at the cardinal, Jose.' And it just brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. It was a reminder of Opa and the fact that he wasn't physically there with us. I looked away and tried to swallow it. I took a couple of deep breaths and turned back around, hoping no one had noticed. It's Christmas, I don't want to upset anyone, and we were all doing okay....But as Omi showed me the ornament, she looked in my eyes and we both just broke down. We hugged for a few minutes and both tried to compose ourselves. I went outside to get some fresh air and just struggled to get ahold of myself.

I just miss him more than I could ever imagine. Everyone told me that the holidays would be hard, but I didn't know. Each "event" is just harder than I could have guessed. Not having him with us, thinking about how he wasn't there to appreciate something as small as a cardinal ornament...When I stepped outside, Hubby followed me and asked if there was some significance to the ornament. He didn't understand why Omi and I would fall apart because of a bird. I tried to explain it to him, but I don't know if he gets it. I mean, he does. He knows what it's like to have that first holiday without a loved one. But...I don't know. He just deals with loss differently than I do. He's a much more realistic, logical person; whereas I am emotional and feeling. I guess that's part of the difference between men and women.

We moved on from gifts and meltdown mode and had a nice dinner together (my husband, choking the food down the whole time...lol I thought everything was excellent, but Hubby is a bit pickier than I). After dinner, we packed up our things and headed toward home.

Santa (and by Santa, I mostly mean my father) was very good to us this year. He purchased Hubby and I each a $500 bond. It's his way of kinda forcing us to start saving some money. It's good. We need to. He also got me a new flash for my camera and a new book for Hubby to listen to. Omi gave us a Christmas quilt (I will take a pic once I get it on my bed!), along with some baked goodies, a few other hand sewn items (potholders, coasters and pillow cases), some cash and a beautiful windchime that I can't wait to hang outside when the weather gets a bit nicer.

I hate being such a Debbie Downer. I really don't like feeling so low. This is a time to be happy and be with the people that you love. I guess it does make me realize how you truly have to appreciate the time that we DO have with our loved ones. Tell them that you love them. Hug and kiss them and make sure that there's no doubt. Cherish your time. Reach out to the people you love who you might not see or talk to as often as you'd like.

Let me change gears, so I can stop blubbering and end on a happier note...What do you have planned for tonight???? Any big parties??? I sure hope so!

We don't have any plans for tonight. Hubby might stay up til midnight playing his game and I think I'll try and lose myself in a movie or two.

What about resolutions? Do you make them? If so, do you stick to them???

I've never really been one for resolutions. Mostly because I know I won't stick to them. My resolutions always seem to be centered around changing some habit that is deeply ingrained. Let's be honest, huh? Those are not things that I can change overnight. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow morning and be a different person.

But I need something. A motivator. So here are my resolutions for the new year and hopefully for good:

1. I really, truly want to get back to Church. I went to mass one time, had this emotional, heart-lifting experience, and then I never went back. I hate doing things alone. I'm very self conscious. Hubby won't go with me and I don't know anyone here. I think our neighbors go to mass on Sundays. And probably to the church that I went to that one time. I intend to go to mass this Sunday. Maybe Tom & ....his wife whose name I can't remember... will be there.

2. I need to get better about monitoring my blood sugar levels. I'm "pre-diabetic"...Whatever that means. I think it was just a way of allowing me to get insurance, without saying that I'm diabetic. I take a mini shit-ton of medications to monitor my glucose levels. Last time I saw the doc, she gave me a new monitor and said that she could write a prescription for the testing supplies, so that I don't have to pay full price. So, I start testing and then stop like a week later. Why? Because I'm lazy? Or maybe because I don't like seeing the levels higher than they should be. I know that's a terrible reason. It's unhealthy and irresponsible. Hence, it's on my list of resolutions.

3. I NEED to lose weight. I think Hubby is FINALLY on board the baby train with me. But if it's going to happen, I need to grow up. I need to lose a least a little bit of weight. I'm never going to be thin or even just slightly overweight. I'm always going to be fat. I've never really had a major issue with that. But a little less fat might help things happen. JB from work recently told me that she joined a gym and she just does laps in the basketball court, rather than walking on the treadmill. Maybe I'll give that a shot?

I think that's it for my list. Three is plenty. I think the first two will be far less challenging than the last one. I'd like to find a buddy to keep me in line. Someone to meet me at the gym and help hold me accountable.

I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season. And I hope that I will not have such a heavy heart for Christmas 2010. I wish you all a belated Merry Christmas and a happy and safe New Year!!!

I'm here...

Here being at my job...But that's about all they can expect from me today. lol

The majority of our customers are in Canada, and since their Thanksgiving is on a different day than ours, we are required to have people in the office today. That being said...I'm not planning on actually doing much today. If an emergency arises, and I'm forced to do some work, I will do it. If not, I will continue to do nix. I could have taken today off, but I would've had to use vacation time. And really, what would I have been doing at home? Not what I should be doing, as I so perfectly demonstrated yesterday.

We didn't do Thanksgiving yesterday. I made Hamburger Helper with ground turkey for dinner. We spent the day as if it were any Saturday. With the exception of the mass amounts of texts that I sent and received, wishing a Happy Turkey Day to the recipients. I confess, I didn't even call the parents. *hanging head in shame*

I kept meaning to call, but before I realized it, it was 9pm and time to go to bed (and argue with Hubby, apparently). Dad was having Loopy (his mother) over for linner. I'm sure his hands were full between her and Mom. Loopy pretty much doesn't recognize anyone anymore. She is thin as a rail and mostly lives in her own head. Dad recently moved her to a retirement community that is less than five minutes from the house. He's had her in a couple different places, but the most recent one bumped up her rent and it was just getting to be too much. And frankly, my dad is the one that sees her the most often and takes care of her the most, so she should be convenient for him to go to.

Anyway, we stayed home yesterday because Hubby threw a fit when I suggested that we drive down to visit for the day. He whined about how he just wanted a weekend where he didn't have do anything (which is total bullshit...He does nothing every weekend). He said he wanted to save the gas money that we'd use to drive the hour and a half down there and back. I gave in, because when we have this argument about Christmas, at least I'll have Turkey Day to cite as a reason why he can't have his way again.

After the argument about not going to see my family, I suggested that we have his mother and her boyfriend over to our house this weekend. She decided to work the holiday (double time, man. If it was offered to me, I would've done it, too!), so we're having them over on Sunday. I'm rather excited to cook for them. Everytime we've had them over in the past, we either had spaghetti (the traditional Italian meal) or we've gone out. So, I think this is the first time I've actually cooked a meal for her.

I'm going to go to the grocery store this afternoon after work and I'm hoping I can get a good deal on some of the traditional Thanksgiving goodies, since it's the day after and I'm sure the stores are going to want to try to get rid of all the extras. I'm going to make a turkey breast (yeah, I'm not going to make a big ass bird just for the four of us. Even if I want leftovers, I have no desire to deal with the neck and insides and YUCK! I'll just get a big breast, tyvm.), Mashed Taters, Sausage & Apple Stuffing, Gravy & Brussel Sprouts - all the things that I LOVE! lol

I found a recipe for 'Night Before' mashed potatoes, which sound a lot like what Omi does, you end up baking them for like an hour before the meal. I've already made the stuffing once and it turned out excellent. I think I'll just steam the sprouts. Mother-in-law's boyf doesn't like sprouts...Thinking I might make some green beans or something for him. Or maybe he just doesn't get a veggie. lol

I need to clean tomorrow...I should have cleaned yesterday, but sat in front of my computer all day, instead. I have a slight addiction to the Sims 3. The game is fun, but the thing that I like doing most is building houses. I find floor plans online for these incredible houses and then try to recreate them in the game. Building and furnishing one house can eat up an entire day. Yeah, I do have a problem, but whatev. It's better than the old habit (WHICH I STOPPED 3 WEEKS AGO ALREADY!!! I could probably start sending out my resume now, without having to worry about that...yay!).

Oh, and I need to put up all my Christmas decorations. This was another task that I had planned to do yesterday and just didn't. First, it was Hubby's fault because he wouldn't get the shit out for me. And then it was my own fault, because, like I said, I have a problem. lol

Anyway, I'm all over the place with this blog. Just wanted to purge some thoughts. :-) I'll try to take some pics of the food that I make this weekend.

It's always about a guy, isn't it?

Wow...Well, if that's not a sign from God, I don't know what is...

I had just typed out this long post about how I broke up with Hubby five months before our wedding because I was head over heels with this guy that I'd met at Thursday night Karaoke.

And then when I went to post it, I received an error and the entire post was gone. Guess I wasn't meant to tell that story...I've got another one, but it's far less interesting. :-)

Hubby's stint on 1st shift ends tomorrow. I can't say that I'm sad. I have decided that I like him best on 2nd shift, and that's where he's going, as of Monday. He works 2-10pm and gets home by 11. I don't have to wake him up in the morning, and he's not waking me up at 4am. I can make whatever I want for dinner and don't have to worry about making a second meal for him. I can go to bed when I want, without feeling like an asshat. If I feel like waiting up for him, I can and I won't be exhausted the next morning. Our weekends won't be jacked up like they are when he's on third shift. Yeah, second shift is by far MY favorite.

He's not so excited about it, though. I actually think he's rather bummed about it. He doesn't have any buddies on that shift. And his friends on his game will all be going to bed around the time that he gets home. The last couple of days, he's been sorta down in the dumps. I think it's a combination of the shift change and the acceptance of some of the household responsibilities. Not that he's taking on any new cleaning jobs, but he's FINALLY taking an interest in our finances, realizing that he needs to be an active part of keeping everything in order. But with that, comes some of the stress of it all. And I think he doesn't really know how to handle it. I don't know what to do to try to help him out of his funk. I tried to ask him last night, when I got home at 6:30 and he was already in bed (!!!). But he didn't want to talk about it. He says he just doesn't feel like he's got anything better to do, so why not just go to bed. He doesn't want to eat dinner. And then I feel like as ass for not wanting to go to bed, but sorry, I need to eat some dinner and relax for a few minutes before going to sleep. I don't mind 9 or even 8, but 6? That's just ridiculous. And frankly, I don't have any real suggestions for things for him to do. Nothing that's exciting enough to get him out of bed, anyway.

Ugh, this story is just boring. Maybe I'll have something more interesting to share tomorrow. When I'm all dressed up for Halloween!!! WOO HOO!!! Love dressing up at work!

Time to go home now! Hasta Manana, Friends!

Memories

Today was Opa's memorial Service. Omi held it at the church that she attends. There were a couple of hymns sung and bibles verses read. After the Gospel and meditation, I was called up to give what I understand now to have been his euology. When Omi asked me to speak, I didn't realize that i'd be the only one. I also didn't realize how difficult it would be to read those words in front of so many people. I found myself focusing on the people who matter so much to me - Omi & my parents. It wasn't so much the words that were hard to say. What made it so difficult was Omi's eyes, staring into mine. I wanted her to know how sorry I am for our loss. I made it through my speech, though barely breathing and choking on a lump in my throat.

After the service, a lot of people came up to me and told me what a nice job I'd done. I thanked them, feeling good that I'd been able to share a little bit of what an amazing man he was to me. A number of people also commented on how brave I'd been to do that. I never even thought of it being about bravity. Omi asked me and I couldn't have imagined saying anything other than yes. Opa always complimented me on how well he thought I did with public speaking. I was able to project my voice and he, terribly hard of hearing, even with hearing aids, was able to understand what I was saying. He used to watch the baseball games on tv with the sound muted because all he could hear was noise. But when I spoke, he was able to hear me loud & clear. I feel like my getting up there today would have made him proud. I feel like he would've given me a pat on the shoulder and said 'That was pretty good, Jennifer. You did a nice job.'

Hubby did a great job. He made sure that he was ready on time, we left early and were 30 minutes early at the church. He held my hand and reminded me to breathe. When I finished speaking, and got back to my seat, that's sort of when I lost it. I just held his hand and tried to keep myself from sobbing.

I felt so many things as I sat in that church today. I felt such grief and sadness for myself. For my uncle, as I watched him with his head down, crying into his hands. For my dad, who so admired and loved his father-in-law. For my mom, who felt as much love and devotion from her father as I do mine. And for Omi, who I suspect I am a lot like. I felt anger toward my uncle's ex wife and her fake ass boyfriend. I felt sympathy for my cousins for not having the opportunities to know Opa like I did. I was so grateful for my husband and for Melissa.

At the luncheon, a family friend, Herbie, took the microphone and wanted to tell a little story about some shenanigans that went down at my wedding. Omi had stayed at my parents' house with my mom during my wedding reception because my mom was just not strong enough to be there. In order to let my dad be there, Omi stayed with Mom. And since Opa was dateless, Herbie grabbed his fancy dancy camera and had Opa go around to every table and each woman took a picture, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Herbie said that he later found out that Opa said it'd been one of the happiest days of his life. lol

"Opa at my wedding"

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My Husband, the Donkey

It's like the man has a sixth sense when I'm bitching about him...I typed the first paragraph and got a text from him, asking me for two chores (aside from the litter boxes, because he's already planning to do those) for him to do when he gets home today. He must sense that I'm pissed about his shitty behavior...

ARGH! Sometimes, he just pisses me off like I can't even explain. Last night, one of my girlfriends came over for dinner. We made tacos and had planned to watch Grey's. She left early, so Grey's didn't happen, which was fine. But Hubby was acting like a complete and total tool all night. He usually gets along with this friend, but for whatever reason, he just didn't want to be sociable. He came downstairs from his man cave and started bitching about the onions that I was going to use, because HE couldn't get one out of the bag peeled last weekend. Then he saw the brand of tortilla shells that I bought and he bitched about that. Sorry Dude, it's all they had at Jewel. His response, well then you should've made a second trip to another store. SERIOUSLY??? You take a trip to the other store since these aren't good enough. What a tool.

We each prepare ourselves three tacos and then he goes back upstairs, commenting that he'll be back down later for more. He comes back down and finds that there's only one shell left. Oh no, here we go again. He bitches that there aren't more. He's pissed that there aren't any leftover ones from last week's taco night. Whatever, man. You don't need to eat 17 tacos, anyway. I had asked him to pick up some tortilla chips on his way home because I prefer nachos to tacos. Lay down a bed of chips, put some meat on top and then melt some velveeta over the whole thing...Mmm...Yummy! But no! That's apparently gourmet cooking (this is what he says about almost everything I prepare). It's "gourmet" because it's more than one thing. He says it's taco night, why do you have to have nachos, too. So, due to his assholishness about the nachos, he only got four tacos. ONLY. :-P

And then I feel like I have to defend him to my friend. He's not always such a dick. When it's just the two of us, he can be much nicer. He doesn't have a chip on his shoulder. He's not always such a grump. Thank God for that. I just wish he didn't feel like he has to act like such a hardass around other people. It seems like the only time he's not an asshat around other people is when my family is around. THEN, he's Mr. Perfect. He says the right things. He acts right. No wonder he hates my family functions...He has to pretend to be someone that he isn't.

Whatever, I was over the attitude this morning. We're talking about bills (because that's all there is to talk about right now) and then when that part of the convo is over he says to me 'I have to tell you something and you're going to be mad.' Okay, what? 'I don't want to go to Opa's memorial service on Sunday.' Sorry. You don't have a choice in the matter. 'It's not like I have anything else that I need to do, I just really don't want to go. I mean, what am I going to do there?' ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You're going to be there to support me. You're going to hold my hand as I cry. You're going to do the same thing that everyone else there is doing - you're going to help celebrate the life of an amazing man who is no longer with us. Don't you be a fuckhead because you don't want to deal with the emotions. I'm sorry that it's not how you want to spend your Sunday afternoon. Frankly, it's not how I want to spend it either. I don't really WANT to get up there and talk about him. But it needs to happen. And you NEED to be there. So, I'm sorry, end of story. You. Are. Going.

I just wish he wasn't such a tool 90% of the time. I need to find a book on how to control my husband. I should go check out the self help section at the bookstore. There's gotta be at least one book on being more assertive. Something that will teach me how to whip him into a decent human being...

The upside of new shifts...

So, like I've mentioned, I hate this shift. But the more I think about it, it's really not that terrible. Let's make a list of GOOD things about working 10-6.

• My alarm doesn't go off until 6am. My internal clock wakes me up before this anyway, so I'm much more likely to actually get up on time.
• I have time to take a walk in the morning. Three days in a row! Go me!
• I have time to eat breakfast, shower, do my hair AND makeup and still have 20 minutes to read (or do some other randomness) before I have to leave.
• It only takes me 50 minutes to get to work.
• Lunch happens relatively early in the day

And while we're at it, let's discuss Hubby's new shift...

• I have someone to eat dinner with
• I'm not alone in the house all night long
• I don't have to deal with him being a crabass when he wakes up because I'm still sleeping!
• I get to bed by 9:30 or 10 because I don't have to worry about getting him out the door
• We go to bed together, which means I'm much more likely to get some! :-D Yay for baby making. lol...

Today's the first day that we're both working our new shift. Hubby was off work on Monday and I was off yesterday. I think this may end up being a really good combo for us. He seemed to like being on 1st yesterday, so that's a good thing. We'll have to give it some more time and see how it goes, but overall, I'm trying to stay very positive.

Change is a-brewin...

Next week, Hubby and I are both starting new schedules. Hubby's company is shutting down third shift again (not sure for how long, again), and he was going to go back to second shift. Which, of course, I was super excited about. I think it works best for us. However, his boss offered him first shift this time, which will be a pretty significant change for him. The last time he was working day shift was like 7 years ago. His hours will be 6am - 2pm. This means he has to leave for work at 5. Should be very interesting to see how this goes. He told the boss that he'd like to try it out, but if it doesn't work, he made sure the boss agreed that he could go back to 2nd.

I think I'd be more excited about this if I was starting a later shift next week. :-P One of our customers is FINALLY putting our software into production next week (this has been a very long time coming...Like since before I started working here 3 years ago...so it's a pretty big deal). One of my managers asked me & JB to rearrange our schedules so that one of us is here between the hours of 7 and 6. She has a kid and is taking classes, so she's very limited on the days that she could work late. And frankly, I wouldn't want to do 7-3 twice a week and 10-6 the other three days, so I'm gonna suck it up and do the later shift, at least for the next month or so.

I love the idea of not starting until 10. That means I can get up later and still have the time to go for a walk, eat some breakfast, shower and get ready for work. But the other side of that coin is that I have to work until 6pm. Which means that I won't get home until 7. I think I'm going to have to start cooking something on the weekend that I can eat leftovers on for the whole week.

We'll see how it all goes down. I worked the late shift yesterday, and I really thought I was going to die when it was 2pm and I still had 4 hours to go. But that may have been compounded by the fact that JB wasn't here yesterday. Her daughter was sicky, so she had to stay home. Her not being here sucks. lol Having a friend around helps to pass the day. Especially JB. We usually go make/buy lunch together. And we chit chat throughout the day. And we encourage one another to not work. lol

No major plans for the weekend. Going home after work today, putting on my pjs and watching a new show that I just found called "The Colony." It's a reality show...The idea is the some natural/catastrophic event took place and they have to start over, pretty much. It's a group of ten people with different backgrounds - a couple different types of engineers, a doctor, a nurse, a handyman, a marine biologist, a contractor and a few others whose jobs I can't remember - and they have to figure out how to survive. They find an abandoned warehouse and figure out a way to filter rain and river water so that it's drinkable. They generate electricity from some old car batteries, but have to come up with a generator for the batteries. They have to figure out where to get food from and how to survive without the comforts of everything that they would've had pre-disaster. Hubby and I watched the first episode together and he totally loved it. It's kinda like 'Kid Nation' was, if you ever saw that. Except with adults. And no "rewards". I dig it. No plans tomorrow. Sims 3 and Chinese food, I think. lol Sunday, I'm going out to my parents' house for lunch. We're going to visit Opa (my grandfather) in the afternoon. He's not doing so well. They've finished the radiation treatments, but I don't know that it's helped any. They started him on hospice a few weeks ago, which is no good sign. Anyway, I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about him next week, and I'm supposed to be working right now, so tears are not an option.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend! Hopefully this rain is done for a while and the sun can grace us with his warmth!

Forty Six minutes....Go!

Forty six minutes until the weekend begins. Yay!

Last weekend went pretty well. Mouse's surprise party for her mom was very nice. Mouse was dressed as skanky as ever. I wouldn't expect any less. :-) It was cool hanging out with my Pops for a while. We chit chatted and had a nice prime rib dinner. Mouse's mom didn't recognize me at first - after a little reminder of 'Jenni down the street from kindergarten,' then she got it. She gave me a hug and thanked me for coming and then turned to my dad and said 'And this is your husband?' I laughed and probably turned a little red and then told her, no, this is the guy that used to drop me off at your house just about every weekend. Yikes! Although, I suppose when your own husband is 24 years older than you, that appears normal...? (She just turned 60 and her husband - Mouse's dad - is 84.) We stayed at the party until a bit after 8 and then went back to the 'rents house.

I hung out with my mom for a while, and was reminded that while I do put her on a well-deserved pedestal for being the strong woman that she is, sometimes, she's just a regular mom. We were watching an Ugly Betty rerun when she decides to tell me how America Ferrera went on jenny Craig and lost a bunch of weight. Oh yeah? That's cool. And then she tells me that I should do JC, too. I tell her that it costs a lot and that my problem is mainly that I'm lazy. I HATE getting sweaty. To which she tells me she feels sorry for me. Ugh. Mom, stop. There's no reason to feel sorry for me. Maybe I can't fit into a size 8 dress (hell, I couldn't fit my right ass cheek in a size 8 dress...), but I'm okay with that. Yeah, it'd be nice to be smaller. Might Would help in the baby-making process, but just like ten and fifteen years ago, your telling me that you feel sorry for me, that doesn't help. Just irritates me. So, I take that opportunity to tell my mom I love her and that it's time for me to go now. My dad assures me when I'm walking out that she's just trying to help. :-P Thank you, Mom.

I didn't get home on Friday night until after Hubby left (which was really quite nice. No sandwiches to make, to assholes to wake up. Good times!). I watched some tv, did laundry and went to bed around 1. Woke up at 6 and started getting ready for our camping trip. Hubby got home at 7 and informed me that we wouldn't be camping - just going to the rally and then back home again. I was bummed about the lack of camping, but what're you going to do? We drove down to Pontiac and hung out with all of his parents' buddies from the BMW club. Found out that a friend of mine is dating the roommate of the son of one of the other club members (Lemme break it down...A is my friend. She is dating M. M is living with Z. Z's dad, J, is in the same BMW club as Hubby's mom, and used to be pretty good friends with Hubby's dad before he passed). Small world, right??

The rally was nice. No games or events were going on. Just sitting around in a camping chair, listening to them all tell stories about their bikes and their trips. I was told a couple times that I don't talk enough. Well, yeah. I have no similar stories, Guy. Nothing to banter about when you're talking about your '89 Goldwing. Sorry. I was content to just sit in the shade, with the breeze blowing through, and just listen to them all chat. We got home by 10 on Saturday night and were both sleeping within 20 minutes of arriving at the house.

Sunday was grocery shopping and relaxing. And then back to work on Monday.

This week has had its fair share of ups and downs. Wednesday took the prize for the worst day in a long ass time. Got stuck in traffic on the way to work, which resulted in my getting here at 8:30, instead of the usual 7 or 7:30. Work was going all kinds of wrong. Not enough programmers in the office. A deadline that looked like it wasn't going to be made. Ended up staying late. And then the drive home...At 5pm...in a thunderstorm...with no a/c...I had to drive with the windows cracked, so I could get some cool air circulating. So, I'm getting rained on. And then, since it was 5pm, traffic was essentially standing still. I decided to take a different route home, thinking it'd be easier than the planned route. But there were lights to deal with. Every time I had to sit at a light, my windows got all fogged up and I got re-drenched as the rain came in the open window. Luckily, I wore two shirts that day, so I was able to take one off and wipe off the windshield as needed. When I got close to home, I hear tornado sirens going off and then I'm in the middle of horrible wind, downpouring rain, the sky's all greenish. I was pretty much scared shitless, but I managed to make it home in one piece. I made a yummy (leftover) dinner, put on my PJs and watched Top Chef, so that aided in making it a better night.

And then yesterday was a total 180 from the previous day. I waited for Hubby to get home, so I took HIS air conditioned car to work. Traffic wasn't horrendous. I stopped at Walmart (which is apparently growing on me...I'm a bit scared...), and bought a new shirt, which is totally cute and a fabulous color, for $15. I didn't work much in the morning and then we took an almost three hour team lunch at Maggiano's (paid for by the manager). After lunch, I futzed around for another hour and a half, and then was out of here. Picked up my photos for class (which were AWESOME! - I'll post them on FotoJenic soon) and headed to my last photography class. I felt very accomplished with my photos...I do feel like I've learned a little something. And I got some really interesting photos out of the deal.

Today's almost over (just 12 minutes left!)...On the way home today, I'm planning to stop and get my nails done...Afterward, I'll head home for a bottle of wine and some dinner. Maybe catch up on some missed shows from the week. Excited to get out of here and let my weekend begin.

Tomorrow is actually the first wedding of this summer. I'm letting Hubby stay home and bringing my BFF as my date. She just moved back here from TX, and I'm SO happy to have her back. She's freaking out a bit at the lack of control she has over her own life right now, but she's here and that makes ME (at the very least) a happy girl. Sunday will probably be spent chillaxin and doing laundry. Why does it seem that there's always more dishes to be washed and more laundry to be done? No matter how often I do them both, there's always more!!!

Anyway...1 minute left. I think that's close enough. Hope everyone has a fabu weekend!!!