My Husband, the Donkey

It's like the man has a sixth sense when I'm bitching about him...I typed the first paragraph and got a text from him, asking me for two chores (aside from the litter boxes, because he's already planning to do those) for him to do when he gets home today. He must sense that I'm pissed about his shitty behavior...

ARGH! Sometimes, he just pisses me off like I can't even explain. Last night, one of my girlfriends came over for dinner. We made tacos and had planned to watch Grey's. She left early, so Grey's didn't happen, which was fine. But Hubby was acting like a complete and total tool all night. He usually gets along with this friend, but for whatever reason, he just didn't want to be sociable. He came downstairs from his man cave and started bitching about the onions that I was going to use, because HE couldn't get one out of the bag peeled last weekend. Then he saw the brand of tortilla shells that I bought and he bitched about that. Sorry Dude, it's all they had at Jewel. His response, well then you should've made a second trip to another store. SERIOUSLY??? You take a trip to the other store since these aren't good enough. What a tool.

We each prepare ourselves three tacos and then he goes back upstairs, commenting that he'll be back down later for more. He comes back down and finds that there's only one shell left. Oh no, here we go again. He bitches that there aren't more. He's pissed that there aren't any leftover ones from last week's taco night. Whatever, man. You don't need to eat 17 tacos, anyway. I had asked him to pick up some tortilla chips on his way home because I prefer nachos to tacos. Lay down a bed of chips, put some meat on top and then melt some velveeta over the whole thing...Mmm...Yummy! But no! That's apparently gourmet cooking (this is what he says about almost everything I prepare). It's "gourmet" because it's more than one thing. He says it's taco night, why do you have to have nachos, too. So, due to his assholishness about the nachos, he only got four tacos. ONLY. :-P

And then I feel like I have to defend him to my friend. He's not always such a dick. When it's just the two of us, he can be much nicer. He doesn't have a chip on his shoulder. He's not always such a grump. Thank God for that. I just wish he didn't feel like he has to act like such a hardass around other people. It seems like the only time he's not an asshat around other people is when my family is around. THEN, he's Mr. Perfect. He says the right things. He acts right. No wonder he hates my family functions...He has to pretend to be someone that he isn't.

Whatever, I was over the attitude this morning. We're talking about bills (because that's all there is to talk about right now) and then when that part of the convo is over he says to me 'I have to tell you something and you're going to be mad.' Okay, what? 'I don't want to go to Opa's memorial service on Sunday.' Sorry. You don't have a choice in the matter. 'It's not like I have anything else that I need to do, I just really don't want to go. I mean, what am I going to do there?' ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You're going to be there to support me. You're going to hold my hand as I cry. You're going to do the same thing that everyone else there is doing - you're going to help celebrate the life of an amazing man who is no longer with us. Don't you be a fuckhead because you don't want to deal with the emotions. I'm sorry that it's not how you want to spend your Sunday afternoon. Frankly, it's not how I want to spend it either. I don't really WANT to get up there and talk about him. But it needs to happen. And you NEED to be there. So, I'm sorry, end of story. You. Are. Going.

I just wish he wasn't such a tool 90% of the time. I need to find a book on how to control my husband. I should go check out the self help section at the bookstore. There's gotta be at least one book on being more assertive. Something that will teach me how to whip him into a decent human being...