Last week, at Twenty Something Writers, the following prompt was provided:
You’ve just been given a time machine. You can only use it once, to go back to day in your past and relive it or change something. What day would you go back to, what would you change and why?
I've read all the other writers' blogs and found it interesting that the day most people chose to relive was focused around the passing of someone that had been near and dear to them. They each wanted to focus not on changing something, but just having one more day with that person. I can certainly understand that desire. And I'm sure if I had a similar loss, I would probably feel the same way. But I, thankfully, have not had to go through that. The only family member that has passed on was my grandfather on my dad's side. And while I was upset, I wasn't terribly close to him and the loss did not impact me enough to want to relive a day with him. As a matter of fact, I feel like I didn't know him very well at all. He died when I was 19 and I knew very little about the man.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand, if I had one day to relive, I think I would go back to the day that I decided that I wanted to change my major to business.
I had started my college career with the idea of eventually becoming a choir director. I loved to sing and in high school, choir and theatre were a huge part of my life. The end of high school was incredibly rough on me (I don't do so well with change) and my way to deal with that was to try to get back there as soon as I could. The problem was that to become a choir director, it's so much more than singing for four years. It's pretty much a double major in music & education. And in addition to that, you can't go into being a choir director and only be able to sing. You also need to be able to play the piano. I took lessons for a while in my senior year of high school, but it takes a lot of practice. You don't just learn how to play an instrument in a couple months. And certainly not when you're as un-dedicated as I was. I mean, I can read music and I can tap out the melody of a song on a keyboard. But I just became overwhelmed. My freshman year in college was nothing like what I expected it to be.
One night, after my roommate and I had just come to blows (not physically, but emotionally, we just weren't on the same page anymore), I was having a particularly hard time. I wanted to give up completely. I was feeling very lonely, I wanted to go home where I felt loved, and it didn't matter if I could play the piano or sing the high notes or any of that. I was stressed like I never had been before. I remember talking to Hubby on the phone (he was away at school in Wyoming at the time) and telling him how much I hated it. How much I didn't want to be there any more. How music education wasn't for me. And he suggested that I go into business. My dad worked(still does) in the business world and he's been very successful. I thought at that time that Daddy could just get me a job when I had a business degree.
I think maybe that's when I stopped making my own decisions. I thought Hubby sounded convincing enough, so I went with it. I decided to change my major to business that night and stuck with it for another five years. And now, I work at a job that has very little to do with the education that I received. And neither the job nor the education are even what I want to be doing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job most of the time, and I don't plan on leaving any time soon. In fact, I'm working on furthering myself here.
But, if I could go back and relive that day, I'd probably still call the Hubs and my dad and bawl my eyes out. I'd ask them both what I should do and beg them to make the decision for me. But in the end, I'd think it over more. What is it that I want to do? How can I be successful, but still be happy about what I'm doing? What can I do that will challenge me and keep my interest? I think I would've found that if I'd pushed myself a little harder, I could have come up with so many more options. Maybe I would've ended up in the same place that I am now, but maybe not...
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