Ouch

So, I'm not going to lie...I'm kinda really hurt. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Or maybe I take things too personally. Or maybe I read into things too much. I'm not writing this entry as a jab at anyone specific, because chances are, if you're a RL friend and you're reading this, the post isn't meant for you.

I feel like a number of my friendships aren't valued. People that I think really are my friends and really do like me, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't notice if I moved to the moon. Maybe that's my own fault. For a long time, I was a shitty friend. I didn't call people. I didn't make an effort to be around for them. I know everyone has their own stuff going on in life. And I don't expect them to all drop their responsibilities because I asked them to. But when you try to make plans a month ahead of time, so that they can all make it, and you still don't know three days before if anyone's even going to show...it hurts. I don't want to be all 'No one loves me,' but honestly, that's how I feel. When someone else organizes the get together, everyone makes an effort and we all have a good time. Obviously, they value me enough to invite me to these shindigs, but I feel like in the past two years, when I try to make plans, nothing ever comes of it. And I'm always left feeling like I'm the ugly stepsister.

So, I cancel at the last minute. Yes, Hubby invited his mother over for the next day. And yes, that's a bit inconvenient. But I was going to make it work. I was so excited to have some friends over to the house. Lock Hubby away in the office and be obnoxious with my girlfriends. I wanted to show off my cooking skills and jam out with the Rock Band.

Should I say something? (I guess I just did, right? :-/) Do I cut my losses and focus on the few friendships that I do feel are very real? Do I just chalk it up to me being a big baby? How do I show that I want to be a better friend? That I want them to include me?

If I did move to the moon, not only would I want them to notice, I'd want them to want to go with me.