Last night, I had another dream about my cousin. I thought I'd posted about her before, but I can't find it, so I'll just give a little back story. My uncle (Dad's bro) was married and had four kids. His wife (from our perspective) turned out to be a money-hungry, lying, brain-washing bitch. She & my uncle tried to work things out for a number of years, but it just wasn't going to happen. So, they began divorce proceedings and he moved out of the house that he lived in with her and his kids and moved in with my parents & me. Over the years, as things with my uncle and his wife continued to get worse, my cousins stopped coming around for family gatherings, which was very sad for me because I always looked forward to playing with them. The oldest was a year younger than me and the youngest was 10 years younger than me. We weren't best friends, but I always got a kick out of getting to hang out with them.
My sophomore year in high school, the oldest of my cousins was a freshman at the same school. She and I would pass in the hall and smile & wave or say hi. But when my uncle moved in with us, it was like my cousin lost all recognition of who I was. She didn't even look at me when we passed in the halls. It stung, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. We weren't best buddies and, frankly, I thought that one day she'd come back around. My senior year, her younger sister was a freshman and she was more likely to give me a wave, but still didn't come around for family functions. I really began to feel like I'd lost a chunk of my family.
A few years later, the younger of the two girls came back to the family. She got in contact with her dad again and made an effort to become a part of our lives. I didn't know the whole story and it really wasn't my business, I was just glad that she had come back around. The youngest of the cousins had always stayed in contact with us because my uncle had shared custody - she'd come every other weekend and one night a week. So, two of my four cousins were back. I could only hope that the other two would do the same in time.
But it's more than 10 years later, and still the oldest girl and the boy don't acknowledge our family. I've tried to friend them both on Facebook and my requests go ignored. I don't know what their father could have possibly done to cause them such hatred. The girl got married a couple years ago and not only was our family not invited to the wedding, but her dad wasn't even invited. She had her mom walk her down the aisle. He's such a kind man (a tad annoying at times, but clearly loves his children and always wanted the best for them). I don't understand how they could just disown him in the way that they have. But that's the decision that they've made. I don't know why it all bothers me so much, but it definitely always has.
That being said, I don't think about them nonstop. Every once in a while, I'll see a pic on the facebook wall of one of the other two or a comment or something and it makes me wish that they were a part of my life. But now and then, I have dreams about the girl. And last night was one of those nights...
I dreamt that we were having a family party and we were sitting down to watch a movie or something. I was sitting in a chair and my cousin was actually there and sat down on the floor in front of my chair and leaned her head back on my knee. After a few minutes, I told her how happy I was that she was there. She got angry at this, got up and told me that she only came because her therapist told her that it would be good to do. She did it and now she was leaving.
I was shocked. I sat in dismay for a moment and then went chasing after her. We were outside the house and she was just so mad. I told her how I missed having her in our family and how I saw the relationship that she had with Lina (cousin on her mom's side) and was so envious of that. She started crying and began telling me about how her mom would never let her leave. That all of the money she ever made ended up going to her mother. I held her while she cried and told her that it'd be okay.
And then I woke up, sad that I knew such an event would never take place. I don't know how or why she gets into my head sometimes. Usually, I don't interact with her in my dreams. She's normally in the distance and I want so badly to say something to her, but am afraid she'll ignore me or reject me. Just typing out my recollection of the dream brings tears to my eyes.
Anyway, this was more for me to get things off my chest and stop it from replaying in my brain. I have some super exciting news (not about me - my BFF), so I'll have to sit down and focus on that sometime this weekend!
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