On my way to work yesterday, this song was playing. I heard the tail end of it and was immediately in tears. It really is so appropriate...
Last week was a bit rough. I spent most of Monday in tears. My whole drive home from work that night, I sobbed. I tried to talk it out, hoping that Opa would hear the words, wherever he is. Tuesday was a little better. I took the rest of the week off and spent a couple days at home with my parents and Omi. My mom and Omi are both handling the loss so much better than I thought either of them would. Granted, three days had passed between his passing and the first day I'd seen them. Perhaps they had cried it all out, too. Or maybe they were both just putting on brave faces for me. It's been over a week and while I do still have my moments where I just want to bury my face in a pillow and cry, I'm doing okay.
We haven't had a service or anything yet. My grandparents both decided that they want to be cremated. I believe Omi has an urn at home. She wants to have a very small, "by invitation only" memorial service. I don't know when it's going to be or what she plans to do.
I guess every day gets a little easier. If I just stay busy and don't think about it, everything's okay. But then I have a moment like this where I hear a song and I feel so sad all over again. I miss and love him very much...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
We were always such good friends, weren't we?
Opa used to tell me that all the time: 'Jennifer was always my good friend.' He's never been a man of many words. He let Omi do all the talking for him, but he's always had such a wonderful attitude. He was always the one that could make my mom laugh. I can remember them going on for what seemed like hours, laughing at some inside joke between the two of them. He always had such a broad grin on his face and when I think about it, I really do feel like he lit up the room.
When I was little, before they moved back to the south burbs, we used to go visit Omi & Opa's house. If he happened to be working in the yard, he'd give me wheelbarrow rides around the yard. There was one occasion, where he took me to a park and while he pushed me on the swing, his wallet fell out of his pocket. Being the observant girl that I was, I noticed it and told him right away. That was one of those memories that stuck out in his head. Bringing it up every once in a while. When I'd go stay with them for a weekend, he always tucked me in at night. And we would tell one another stories until I fell asleep. I couldn't tell you what any of the stories were about, but I remember laughing with him like crazy. He had little Polish nicknames for me and was always so happy to see me.
When they moved to the area, Opa was my compadre a lot of the time. We used to go on bike rides all over the neighborhood. Exploring new streets, riding up and down the hills by the golf course. I would ride my bike over to their condo and ride up to the back door. I'd park my bike on the patio and holler in the backdoor that I was there. We'd sit down and drink bootleg orange soda and play cards or dice.
When I got a bit older, I used to go on those long winding bike rides on my own. One time, I was about a mile from the house and I flipped my bike, injuring myself and the bike so badly that there was no way I'd be able to ride home. Being that cell phones weren't around yet, I panicked. I walked myself to the nearest house and asked to use their telephone. I called home and in ten minutes or so, Opa showed up to bring me and my busted bike back home.
He also came to the rescue when I was in high school and fell into the bumper boat pool at work. I was soaked from head to toe and just happened to be without a car that day. He came and picked me up in my wet clothes, brought me back home to change and then drove me back to work.
We had a piano in my basement when I was growing up. The man had never taken a lesson in his life, but he was a natural artist. He had a tune in his head and he picked out the right keys to play the song. Later in life, he began painting. He'd just use scrap pieces of wood and paint beautiful things on them. When he & Omi asked me what I wanted from them as a wedding gift, I told them I wanted a painting from Opa. I didn't care what it was of, just that it had come from him and most importantly, that it was signed by him. They gave me the painting at my bridal shower. And I almost immediately started crying. It's a beautiful flower, and it's hung in my home ever since.
Opa passed away last night. He's been very sick for the last few months. In a lot of pain. When I went to see him a couple weeks ago, he just was not the man that has been such an important part of my life. When I turned ten, he told me that on the day I was born, he asked God to let him live long enough to see me turn 10 years old. Not only did God grant him that prayer, he gave him another 17 years in my life. Opa saw not only me turn ten, but his three other granddaughters, as well. He was there for my high school graduation, my graduation from college and my wedding day. He came out to see my first house and told me how proud of me he was.
I'm going to miss him so much.
I love you, Opa.
Ignatius Bernard Kowalsky
4/12/22 - 9/19/09
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
So...I'm on the hunt...
This week has just been a bad week. I'm ready for the weekend, already!!!
On Monday, we found out that Bossman Bob received a new offer for our company. (To catch up on the whole story, go here, here and here.) The new offer is much closer to what he was asking and it looks like he's going to take it. The three "managers" (who are really just programmers who've been here the longest) and one of the other programmers, who's been with the company for about 6 years, spent most of the day in our conference room, while JB and I worked in the office. When they came back to the office, they told us that basically we're looking at a buyout in the next 60 days or so. So, now the next step is to work with the new company on employment contracts - basically to make sure we all still have jobs. I asked one of the managers (Messy) if he thought this was going to be good or bad and he said that he thought it'd be a good thing for the company and for the software. The company that is buying us is much bigger, has more resources and has a better vision for the future.
JB was more interested in the contract negotiation, though. She asked when we'd be talking about it and Messy simply said that the "group" (the four programmers plus one more programmer who works part time) would be discussing it, but that everyone (the only remaining employees are myself, JB & one other programmer who's been here about a year) would be protected.
So, we both went about our business. Monday came and went. About halfway through Tuesday, the "group" were kind of talking in the office about benefits and whether or not they all approved of this or that. It was the kind of conversation where you know there's something not being said. So, JB went snooping. And very easily found a document that the "group" had put together. This document basically outlined our "demands". In it, the "4.5 core members" of the team would be guaranteed 18 months employment, whereas the "other 3 employees" get a 6 month contract and a chance to train for new roles.
I feel like they're throwing us under the bus. And I also feel like if JB hadn't gone snooping, we never would've known what was coming. She told me she asked one of the other managers this morning (Barbie) about what was going on and Barbie DID tell her about the 18 month/6 month variance. She said that the 5 of them have been with the company for longer and blah blah blah. JB and I have been here for 3 years, doesn't that count for something? I just feel like they're looking out for themselves and if we happen to keep our jobs in the process, that's super duper.
On one hand, if I were in their shoes, I would understand, but since it's my ass on the line, it makes me angry. And it makes me resent them for not looking out for the whole team, like they'd originally said they would. I know I've complained about my job and how I'm bored (and I am), but when it comes down to it, who wants to look for a new job in this shitty economy? Well, I do, since who knows if I'll have a job come next spring.
I called my dad last night and talked with him about the whole thing. He told me (and I was already planning) to update my resume and start looking for new jobs immediately. So, I have. I started doing some preliminary career builder searching last night. I'm going to contact my alma mater and see if they have some sort of placement assistance. It's just incredibly stressful. My dad also pointed out the fact that even though they're asking for six months for us, the buyer might say hell to the no, they get two weeks and then hasta la bye bye.
I need to think positively about the situation. A new job means new opportunities. New friends. Possibly a shorter drive to work. Maybe more moula. It's also terrifying.
By the end of the night yesterday, I was okay, though. I'd come to terms with it, I was psyching myself up about the potential goodness of this change.
Let me rewind just a second. A couple weeks ago, I posted about how I'm on this shitty ass late schedule and I hate it and couldn't wait til I could go back to my regular hours, remember? So, last night, I sent an email to the three managers, basically saying now that it's slowed down, I'd like to go back to the early hours. Messy had already left for the day, so Bouncy told me to remind them today. I send a reminder email this morning, and the response is basically that they want me to work 9-5 (or later) from here on out. WTMF???? I never wanted to work these hours. I got FUCKED because all of a sudden we need later coverage?
As much as I love JB and I'm happy for her that she's going to school and shit, it's her fault. She used to work the late shift and I had the early one. I liked it that way. I hate leaving work at six and not being able to do anything after work. I get home at 7 or later. I seriously cannot get a damn thing done working these hours. So, now that she has an unmovable schedule, I'm stuck with the shit hours. It's just bullshit. It just pissed me off to no end this morning. There's nothing I can do about it. I tried to hint to JB when I told her about it that it might be nice for her to work the late shift when she doesn't have class on T/Th, but she's got a kid at home. I can't ask her to be away from her child every night of the week. And as I'm typing those words, the other side of me wants to say it's HER choice to go to school three/four nights a week. Why do I have to sacrifice for her? Because I'm not a bitch. Because I let people walk on me. Because that's life. Suck it up and eat it.
So....Moral of this pissed off story is...If you know of anyone that's hiring in the Chicagoland area, give me a shout. I'm a smart girl; I learn quickly; I'm good with numbers and grammar. I'm a good team player. And I need a new job...Soon.
On Monday, we found out that Bossman Bob received a new offer for our company. (To catch up on the whole story, go here, here and here.) The new offer is much closer to what he was asking and it looks like he's going to take it. The three "managers" (who are really just programmers who've been here the longest) and one of the other programmers, who's been with the company for about 6 years, spent most of the day in our conference room, while JB and I worked in the office. When they came back to the office, they told us that basically we're looking at a buyout in the next 60 days or so. So, now the next step is to work with the new company on employment contracts - basically to make sure we all still have jobs. I asked one of the managers (Messy) if he thought this was going to be good or bad and he said that he thought it'd be a good thing for the company and for the software. The company that is buying us is much bigger, has more resources and has a better vision for the future.
JB was more interested in the contract negotiation, though. She asked when we'd be talking about it and Messy simply said that the "group" (the four programmers plus one more programmer who works part time) would be discussing it, but that everyone (the only remaining employees are myself, JB & one other programmer who's been here about a year) would be protected.
So, we both went about our business. Monday came and went. About halfway through Tuesday, the "group" were kind of talking in the office about benefits and whether or not they all approved of this or that. It was the kind of conversation where you know there's something not being said. So, JB went snooping. And very easily found a document that the "group" had put together. This document basically outlined our "demands". In it, the "4.5 core members" of the team would be guaranteed 18 months employment, whereas the "other 3 employees" get a 6 month contract and a chance to train for new roles.
I feel like they're throwing us under the bus. And I also feel like if JB hadn't gone snooping, we never would've known what was coming. She told me she asked one of the other managers this morning (Barbie) about what was going on and Barbie DID tell her about the 18 month/6 month variance. She said that the 5 of them have been with the company for longer and blah blah blah. JB and I have been here for 3 years, doesn't that count for something? I just feel like they're looking out for themselves and if we happen to keep our jobs in the process, that's super duper.
On one hand, if I were in their shoes, I would understand, but since it's my ass on the line, it makes me angry. And it makes me resent them for not looking out for the whole team, like they'd originally said they would. I know I've complained about my job and how I'm bored (and I am), but when it comes down to it, who wants to look for a new job in this shitty economy? Well, I do, since who knows if I'll have a job come next spring.
I called my dad last night and talked with him about the whole thing. He told me (and I was already planning) to update my resume and start looking for new jobs immediately. So, I have. I started doing some preliminary career builder searching last night. I'm going to contact my alma mater and see if they have some sort of placement assistance. It's just incredibly stressful. My dad also pointed out the fact that even though they're asking for six months for us, the buyer might say hell to the no, they get two weeks and then hasta la bye bye.
I need to think positively about the situation. A new job means new opportunities. New friends. Possibly a shorter drive to work. Maybe more moula. It's also terrifying.
By the end of the night yesterday, I was okay, though. I'd come to terms with it, I was psyching myself up about the potential goodness of this change.
Let me rewind just a second. A couple weeks ago, I posted about how I'm on this shitty ass late schedule and I hate it and couldn't wait til I could go back to my regular hours, remember? So, last night, I sent an email to the three managers, basically saying now that it's slowed down, I'd like to go back to the early hours. Messy had already left for the day, so Bouncy told me to remind them today. I send a reminder email this morning, and the response is basically that they want me to work 9-5 (or later) from here on out. WTMF???? I never wanted to work these hours. I got FUCKED because all of a sudden we need later coverage?
As much as I love JB and I'm happy for her that she's going to school and shit, it's her fault. She used to work the late shift and I had the early one. I liked it that way. I hate leaving work at six and not being able to do anything after work. I get home at 7 or later. I seriously cannot get a damn thing done working these hours. So, now that she has an unmovable schedule, I'm stuck with the shit hours. It's just bullshit. It just pissed me off to no end this morning. There's nothing I can do about it. I tried to hint to JB when I told her about it that it might be nice for her to work the late shift when she doesn't have class on T/Th, but she's got a kid at home. I can't ask her to be away from her child every night of the week. And as I'm typing those words, the other side of me wants to say it's HER choice to go to school three/four nights a week. Why do I have to sacrifice for her? Because I'm not a bitch. Because I let people walk on me. Because that's life. Suck it up and eat it.
So....Moral of this pissed off story is...If you know of anyone that's hiring in the Chicagoland area, give me a shout. I'm a smart girl; I learn quickly; I'm good with numbers and grammar. I'm a good team player. And I need a new job...Soon.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The upside of new shifts...
So, like I've mentioned, I hate this shift. But the more I think about it, it's really not that terrible. Let's make a list of GOOD things about working 10-6.
- My alarm doesn't go off until 6am. My internal clock wakes me up before this anyway, so I'm much more likely to actually get up on time.
- I have time to take a walk in the morning. Three days in a row! Go me!
- I have time to eat breakfast, shower, do my hair AND makeup and still have 20 minutes to read (or do some other randomness) before I have to leave.
- It only takes me 50 minutes to get to work.
- Lunch happens relatively early in the day
And while we're at it, let's discuss Hubby's new shift...
- I have someone to eat dinner with
- I'm not alone in the house all night long
- I don't have to deal with him being a crabass when he wakes up because I'm still sleeping!
- I get to bed by 9:30 or 10 because I don't have to worry about getting him out the door
- We go to bed together, which means I'm much more likely to get some! :-D Yay for baby making. lol...
Today's the first day that we're both working our new shift. Hubby was off work on Monday and I was off yesterday. I think this may end up being a really good combo for us. He seemed to like being on 1st yesterday, so that's a good thing. We'll have to give it some more time and see how it goes, but overall, I'm trying to stay very positive.
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