I need opinions, Folks!
I recently found my 14 year old cousin on Facebook. We're so very not close. I think the last time that I saw her, she was maybe 9 or 10. Her dad (my mom's younger brother) is very bad about coming to visit and keeping us updated on his kids. I don't know if he keeps my gramma up to date with the girls (he has one daughter from his first marriage - 22 - and two daughters from his second marriage - 14 & 10).
Anyway, I found her on fb...I did a search for her name and this girl comes up, and I think she may be my cousin, but this girl looks more like 18 than 14. And like I said, I haven't seen her in probably 5 years. So, granted, a lot can change in those preteen years. So, I send her a message on fb, which basically said 'I think we're related, but I'm not really sure. If we are, friend me. If we aren't, sorry for the creepiness.' She replies back and has a total freak out (woahhh! yeahhh we are! holy crap i havnt talkd to u in years. wow! im shoched that you found me. its kinda cool tho; now i can finally talk to u! Sidenote: I officially hate internet speak. And children that can't spell...And PS. if you really wanted to talk to me, pick up a phone). We talked back and forth between emails a couple times. She didn't know that I got married three years ago (How do her parents not fill her in on these things? I mean, my uncle KNEW that I got married. Granted, he was too busy to show up, but he sent me a card about a month later and some cash, so he knew it went down. Why not tell your kid that her cousin tied the knot? Whatever.). I ask her what types of things she's into and she says she's been playing softball for years, to which I tell her I'd like to come see a softball game sometime. She gives me her mom's cell phone number, tells me I can get the info from her and that was pretty much the end of it.
So, here's the predicament...Now we're friends on fb. And I see all her photos and status updates and I'm like WTF is going on with this girl???? She and her friend are always taking these overly sexy, look at my boobs, my friend is in her underwear, I"M A HOOCHIE pics and posting them for the world to see. She started high school last week and by the end of the week, she and all her friends were talking about how she was supposed to get in a fight after school, but for whatever reason that never happened. I can't imagine that her dad knows about any of this shit. I'm sure her mom does (the parents are divorced now, but still live in the same house...Even though he has his own condo downtown...Awkward!), but I don't know that her mom would be concerned the way that I am. Her mom's a bit of a floozy herself. I dunno. I mean, yeah, I remember being 14. And it wasn't too long after I turned 14 that I started doing ... stuff... But Shit! Do I just go on and not say anything? Or do I mention this to my uncle (whom I haven't seen or spoken to in ages...)? Or should I contact her mom and chat with her at a softball game, maybe? I dunno what to do...Any ideas????
Aye! Okay, here's what I'd do: call the mom to get the softball info, and just casually ask how cousin has been, say you know what a handful you were at that age, you can only imagine what kind of trouble she's getting into. See what the mom says. It's casual and harmless enough not to offend, and could open the door for you to tell you what you've been seeing if she seems concerned. If she doesn't take the bait, though, I don't think you can really say much...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mel. I hate feeling like I'm ratting her out, but I'm concerned, ya know? I am going to call her mom about softball info, though. Maybe if she and I hook up at my cousin's game, it'll give us a chance to talk? Ugh! I hate being the old lady, but I'd rather that than see something happen to the girl!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous poster. I wouldn't just come out and tell the mom what's going on, but I would definitely try to pry and see if she has any idea what her daughter is getting into.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand parents who don't watch over their kids, though. My BIL has the login info and gets every email and FB notification for his 13-year old's account. There's a lot to be said for accountability at that age.
agree with above. we didn't have this technology when we were that age (now THAT sounds old!), so this is a new ball game. and she doesn't have a clue how this can come back to bite her later. i have a cousin who is 18, starting college, and i talked to her about being careful posting stuff on fb. once it's there, anyone can access it, even if you have some privacy settings.
ReplyDeletebut i agree, call the mom, go to the game, and approach the topic there in conversation. hopefully her mom attends these games...?
good luck, and i think it's great that you are concerned for your cousin though you are not close.