It's been a few days...I figure it's time for a new post. I'm still sorta working on figuring out the coding. In the meantime, I'm totally going to have to grab someone else's design because the current weirdness that I have going on isn't working for me.
Things have been really really good lately. And it seems all I had to do was really talk to my husband.
About a month ago, Hubby and I got in a gigantic fight about responsibilities and whether or not we're happy together, among other things. Our brand new house was a mess - dishes piled up so high you couldn't see the countertops, little bits from the Christmas tree ALL OVER the floor, fingerprints on the window from a party that we had months ago, laundry was only getting done when I ran out of underwear or socks, the litterboxes were only cleaned when the cat got mad (If anyone has any good tricks for getting the smell of cat urine out of a big, padded chair, let me know)...I mean, it was bad. I felt like he should be doing something about it, and he felt the same about me. He kept telling me that I'm the "housewife" and that I should be the one taking care of our home. When I asked him what his responsibilities were, he said 'Man things' like mowing the lawn and shovelling the snow and putting up the garage door opener and taking out the trash. My reaction is - how the hell is THAT fair? I mean, I'm STILL waiting for my garage door opener to go up and I can't tell you how many times I slipped on the ice in the drive because it was never shovelled. And besides all that - why do I have to wash all your clothes, and your dishes and clean up after you every day, when 'your' jobs require maybe 45 minutes of effort once a week? So, I'd boycotted doing any house work. And apparently so had he. Our beautiful house, which we've been living in since September, was a wreck.
So, the day after my birthday, he and I have this huge blowout argument. He tells me he's not happy, he hates his life, he feels like he'd rather go back and live at home with his mom. He says that while he doesn't feel like he'd be better off without me, he definitely isn't feeling like he's better with me. And God knows that I was feeling the same way. I was resenting him for expecting that I'd do these things. And we weren't intimate in any way. He wasn't showing me any affection, which is something that's very very important to me. If I come over next to you and try to give you a hug, and you essentially push me away, or even scold me for touching you, why the heck am I going to want to do anything for you!?? The road goes both ways - you do what I want, and I'll do what you want. One of us just had to be the bigger person and stop being so damn selfish.
After we have this argument, I'm fuming. He leaves for work and I spent the rest of that evening bawling and screaming at no one, as I went around trying to do some little minor cleanup efforts around the house. And all I could think was, yeah, okay, I'll take care of the house and I'll be Suzie Homemaker, but when I get fed up, you're the one that's going to walk, not me. It's MY house - not your's. I was furious. So, the next night, we talk a bit and he thanks me for making an effort, and I'm still pissed. I tell him that I'm angry that he expects me to do it all, and he's not responsible for any of the housework. But I tell him that I'm going to suck it up and do what needs to be done, in order for us to be happy. And then he comes back at me saying that he doesn't think either of us will ever be happy - we'll just live a miserable existence together forever. What a positive outlook, huh?
Over the next week or two, we continue to argue, and I continue to try and be better about taking care of the house. I mean, he's right. Someone's gotta do it, and if it's not going to be him, that only leaves me. And then maybe two weeks ago, we're talking on the phone as I'm on my way to work, and we somehow get on the topic of how I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention. Yes, we sit in the same room together all weekend long, but we don't actually speak to one another. I could be on the other side of the house, or not even home at all, and still feel like we're spending as much time together. And I don't know...A light must have gone on with him. All of a sudden, I like him again. Yes, he still has his moments, but I can tell that he's really making an effort, too. Rather than just coexisting, we're actually working on our marriage...Fancy that.
Friday night was my sorority's Sweetheart Formal. It's totally an excuse to dress up and get drunk together. I haven't gone the last two years, mostly because Little Miss Temper Tantrum convinced me that it was a bad idea. We're not really speaking anymore, so I decided that I would go this year. Hubby had to work, so I was going solo. I was pretty darn stoked about it, though. He's a stick in the mud when it comes to dancing/partying - I probably had more fun without him, anyway. I'd made plans ahead of time to get a hotel room with a couple other girls. Ooooh...Hubby was NOT having that. He felt like I was disrespecting him. Frankly, I just wanted to get drunk and forget about any problems or stressors for the night. I didn't want to worry about having to get home. And even if I hadn't been drinking, it makes for a very long night and I really didn't want to be driving home at 1am, when I'd been up since 4:30 in the morning. As fate would have it, Hubby got switched to 2nd shift last week. So, I ended up not getting the hotel room - he picked me up after the dance, to whisk me back home in my drunken state. He arrived right on time, and when I opened the car door, sitting on my seat was a box of chocolates, a couple little heart-shaped gifts and a lovely card. We're not really big on holidays - especially V Day, so I was completely taken by surprise.
Things have been really really good lately. And it seems all I had to do was really talk to my husband.
About a month ago, Hubby and I got in a gigantic fight about responsibilities and whether or not we're happy together, among other things. Our brand new house was a mess - dishes piled up so high you couldn't see the countertops, little bits from the Christmas tree ALL OVER the floor, fingerprints on the window from a party that we had months ago, laundry was only getting done when I ran out of underwear or socks, the litterboxes were only cleaned when the cat got mad (If anyone has any good tricks for getting the smell of cat urine out of a big, padded chair, let me know)...I mean, it was bad. I felt like he should be doing something about it, and he felt the same about me. He kept telling me that I'm the "housewife" and that I should be the one taking care of our home. When I asked him what his responsibilities were, he said 'Man things' like mowing the lawn and shovelling the snow and putting up the garage door opener and taking out the trash. My reaction is - how the hell is THAT fair? I mean, I'm STILL waiting for my garage door opener to go up and I can't tell you how many times I slipped on the ice in the drive because it was never shovelled. And besides all that - why do I have to wash all your clothes, and your dishes and clean up after you every day, when 'your' jobs require maybe 45 minutes of effort once a week? So, I'd boycotted doing any house work. And apparently so had he. Our beautiful house, which we've been living in since September, was a wreck.
So, the day after my birthday, he and I have this huge blowout argument. He tells me he's not happy, he hates his life, he feels like he'd rather go back and live at home with his mom. He says that while he doesn't feel like he'd be better off without me, he definitely isn't feeling like he's better with me. And God knows that I was feeling the same way. I was resenting him for expecting that I'd do these things. And we weren't intimate in any way. He wasn't showing me any affection, which is something that's very very important to me. If I come over next to you and try to give you a hug, and you essentially push me away, or even scold me for touching you, why the heck am I going to want to do anything for you!?? The road goes both ways - you do what I want, and I'll do what you want. One of us just had to be the bigger person and stop being so damn selfish.
After we have this argument, I'm fuming. He leaves for work and I spent the rest of that evening bawling and screaming at no one, as I went around trying to do some little minor cleanup efforts around the house. And all I could think was, yeah, okay, I'll take care of the house and I'll be Suzie Homemaker, but when I get fed up, you're the one that's going to walk, not me. It's MY house - not your's. I was furious. So, the next night, we talk a bit and he thanks me for making an effort, and I'm still pissed. I tell him that I'm angry that he expects me to do it all, and he's not responsible for any of the housework. But I tell him that I'm going to suck it up and do what needs to be done, in order for us to be happy. And then he comes back at me saying that he doesn't think either of us will ever be happy - we'll just live a miserable existence together forever. What a positive outlook, huh?
Over the next week or two, we continue to argue, and I continue to try and be better about taking care of the house. I mean, he's right. Someone's gotta do it, and if it's not going to be him, that only leaves me. And then maybe two weeks ago, we're talking on the phone as I'm on my way to work, and we somehow get on the topic of how I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention. Yes, we sit in the same room together all weekend long, but we don't actually speak to one another. I could be on the other side of the house, or not even home at all, and still feel like we're spending as much time together. And I don't know...A light must have gone on with him. All of a sudden, I like him again. Yes, he still has his moments, but I can tell that he's really making an effort, too. Rather than just coexisting, we're actually working on our marriage...Fancy that.
Friday night was my sorority's Sweetheart Formal. It's totally an excuse to dress up and get drunk together. I haven't gone the last two years, mostly because Little Miss Temper Tantrum convinced me that it was a bad idea. We're not really speaking anymore, so I decided that I would go this year. Hubby had to work, so I was going solo. I was pretty darn stoked about it, though. He's a stick in the mud when it comes to dancing/partying - I probably had more fun without him, anyway. I'd made plans ahead of time to get a hotel room with a couple other girls. Ooooh...Hubby was NOT having that. He felt like I was disrespecting him. Frankly, I just wanted to get drunk and forget about any problems or stressors for the night. I didn't want to worry about having to get home. And even if I hadn't been drinking, it makes for a very long night and I really didn't want to be driving home at 1am, when I'd been up since 4:30 in the morning. As fate would have it, Hubby got switched to 2nd shift last week. So, I ended up not getting the hotel room - he picked me up after the dance, to whisk me back home in my drunken state. He arrived right on time, and when I opened the car door, sitting on my seat was a box of chocolates, a couple little heart-shaped gifts and a lovely card. We're not really big on holidays - especially V Day, so I was completely taken by surprise.
The dance was a fabulous time. Whenever I get together with these girls, I'm reminded of how much I miss them and the sorority. Yes, it was a lot of drama, but it was so much fun. And the drama was just a part of it. After graduating, I did crawl in a hole for a while, but I'm starting to peek out again, and I'm so glad that I am. I didn't bring a camera, so I was depending on the other girls for photos. If you don't know who I am - I'm in the blue. My hair wasn't really behaving, but it was hot in there and I'd just had it cut that afternoon. Whatever. I stepped out of the box and wore red lipstick. It was hawt...I loved it so much that I wore it to work yesterday, too!
The rest of the weekend was, for the most part, great. We went to Ikea and got some closet storage solutions, as well as some random doo-dads, Hubby's favorite. We talked about some of the things that we want to spend our tax refund on - a deck in the backyard, a storm/screen door for the front door, repay our parents for the earnest money they gave us when we went to closing, a snowblower, garage door opener installation, Hubby needs new clothes, we both need new shoes, a bed for the spare room. I know there are more - that's all I can think of off the top of my head. We took advantage of the First-Time HomeBuyer Tax Credit. It'll be nice to be able to afford some new stuff for the house.
We spent most of Sunday playing WoW - I'm finally a level 70! This is a pretty big deal. Until November, 70 was the highest you could get. Now it's 80, but at least it's in sight. And I'm close enough to the level 80's that they'll help me out some. Hubby even played with me for a while. I went to bed late on Sunday, so I was late coming in to work yesterday. I left at almost 5, got stuck in traffic, got home around 6:30, spent the next 4.5 hours doing homework, and then fell into bed around midnight, just in time for Hubby to join me.
I have to admit that his being on 2nd shift now is fabulous. He has to get himself out of bed in the morning - I don't have to deal with his crabbitude while he gets ready for work. I can make as much noise as I want when I come home - I can watch tv and make dinner, run the dishwasher and do laundry, all while talking to the cats, and I don't have to worry about waking him up. I don't have to be alone in the house every night - even though I'd gotten used to it. And he sleeps next to me every night. I do have to try to be a bit quiet in the morning while I get ready for work, but it forces me to actually get out of bed on time because I don't want to keep on snoozing the alarm while he's trying to sleep next to me. In all, this second shift business is working out well. We also don't really see one another during the week, so it makes us enjoy one another's company that much more on the weekend.
I think that's all I've got for now. I should do some work, since I'm getting paid for being here. 8-\
You look fantastic! I love the dress and your hair! How sweet of Chris to pick you up with goodies!!! Glad things are looking up for you two :)
ReplyDeletehey it's jamie...i just wanted to say that i'm effing hooked on your blog!!! and that i agree 100% about the 2nd shift thing. cody is on 2nd shift and i think it is our saving grace!
ReplyDeletelove you, talk to you soon!
ps...glad to see things working out :)