Heroes and superpowers

061. Superhero ability → I'd have the power to heal – both myself and others.

I have a very real reason for choosing this super power. And it's related to my own personal superhero - my mom.

If you're reading this blog, chances are that you know me and you know about the condition that affects my mom. She has Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and was diagnosed in 1985 - I was three, she was 33...Only 6 years older than I am right now. That thought alone chokes me up.

I've tried to blog about my mom many times. And I always feel like it ends up sounding like 'Woe is me. Cry for my mommy.' But that's not how I want to portray her. I feel like I have to give some background and then before I know it, I've turned it into a pity party. Not so much for me, but for her. And frankly, I think she deserves one. If I were her, I'd cry day and night. I'd beg for someone to put me out of my misery. And maybe she has felt that way. But I've never seen it. Maybe that's why I feel like she's a hero...I find her inspirational.

She's incredibly courageous and strong - despite the fact that in terms of her health, she's been steadily declining for almost 25 years. The way that the "condition" (that's how it's defined - a condition) has affected her has been heart breaking. I've watched her lose her physical ability to do just about everything. For what seemed like a very long time, it was just her ability to walk. But it has progressed to so much more...Her ability to move herself in anyway has been completely taken away. She doesn't have the strength in her arms or hands to write or feed herself. She is lucky that she can breathe on her own. And even that gets a bit touchy.

MS has really taken a lot from my mom. And she really is beyond the point of help. There have been all kinds of different therapies and treatments that she's tried over the years, but nothing ever really seemed to help. It just kept on getting worse and taking more of her independence away. At this point in her life, it's all about making her as comfortable as possible.

The moral of the story is that MS fucking sucks.

Over the last 5 years or so, she has developed a symptom of MS that is called trigeminal neuralgia. I don't really know the ins and outs of it, but I do know how it affects my mother. She gets pains in her jaw/face that are completely agonizing. Like no pain that I have ever experienced. The onset of the pain is seemingly random - there's no one thing that causes it. Could be eating something, could be trying to talk, could be just sitting there. And the pain just overtakes her. She clenches up, her face starts to turn red and the tears just start flowing. And there's absolutely nothing that can be done. She has to just wait until the pain subsides (they usually last just a few seconds, but can be longer) and even then, she still has residual pain...I imagine that it's kinda like when you get an electric shock. The initial zap is quite painful, but that lingering feeling afterward is just as bad - and it lasts for quite some time.

They've tried countless painkillers and therapies...Again, to no avail. I made a post in an MS Support group on LiveJournal a few months ago and asked for any suggestions from other MS patients who may have gone through this. I passed along the suggestions to my dad, who discussed them with her doctor. One of the suggestions was gamma knife radiosurgery(GKRS). I didn't know much about it, so I googled it and found this article. The info about the GKRS is about 2/3 of the way down. It's basically concentrated radiation, which is supposed to create a lesion on the nerve, blocking its pain signals.

My mom is having this treatment done today. Maybe even as I'm typing.

I'm am PRAYING that she's lucky enough to get some relief from it. If you're the praying type, please keep her in your prayers. And if you're not, just think some good thoughts for her. The poor lady has been through SO much in her life. A little relief from this pain would be great.

This post really evolved into something that I hadn't meant it to...I wanted to talk about all of the GOOD things that have come from her being sick. And I will. But for now, let's just keep our fingers crossed that everything goes okay today.